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Stopping contact

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I didn't know if I should put this in here or in law...

But basically, I want to stop all contact with my dad and I have done for a while. My mum, however, says I have to see him as she needs a break from me etc etc. When I was little I used to spend every holiday with him, now I see him at Summer Christmas and my birthday for about 3 days. So, a maximum of 2 weeks with him a year I'd day.

I hate him. I utterly hate him. Do I have to keep seeing him till I'm 18, or can I legally make the decision to stop seeing him even if my mum wants me to see him?
Thanks guys x

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i would say you have to wait till you are 18 when you can legally get out of the house. so during that i would probably say that try to make peace with him with what ever you can think of but i would probably need more information why you hate your dad.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont live with him, thankfully. He lives hundreds of miles away.

    He's just a total wanker to be honest, every time I speak to him I end up in tears. He makes me feel like utter shit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont live with him, thankfully. He lives hundreds of miles away.

    He's just a total wanker to be honest, every time I speak to him I end up in tears. He makes me feel like utter shit.

    How old are you?

    I think parents have a right to have access to their children until they are 16 unless there is a very very good reason why not (they are abusive, a drunk/drug addict etc). Basically you could tell him you didn't want to see him and it would be up to him t fight it or not....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm 13... so I guess I have to see him :/ I don't understand why he still wants to see me though to be honest, we don't get on at all, I don't get on with his wife either. It sucks :( x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well there is always CPS but its not a permanent home though so that probably wouldn't work so im probably guessing if you don't like him then tell your mom that you don't like him and tell her the reasons and maybe she would listen.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is there a contact order from a court?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No I don't think so
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok, good. Your mum wants her little breaks though so if you want to stop seeing your dad at those proposed times, perhaps you can find an aunty or other nice relative who will have you for hoidays, then you both get what you want? If your Dad objects... he can... er... try to get a contact order (or go fuck himself).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe make sure youre a pleasure to live with, rather than a tearaway and then maybe your mum would be less desperate for a break?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe make sure youre a pleasure to live with, rather than a tearaway and then maybe your mum would be less desperate for a break?

    There are actually personal reason as to why she wants a break, in that her boyfriend lives in London so she wants to go and stay with him. Me and my mum get on well now, she isn't "desperate" for a break. But she wants to go out sometimes, I dont think anyone would want to be with their child 24/7
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    for sure. It must be very difficult being a single parent, especially when you want to develop new relationships. It is just the way it is though, and if you and your dad dont get on and youve got no other family you can stay with sometimes, then shes gonna have to suck it up, or have him come over and stay with you instead of her going to him. Being a single parent does limit your options, its just one of those things, and youre 13 now. Its only a few years till you can be left for the weekend on your own anyway
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    or you could try and find ways to develop a better relationship with your dad?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    or you could try and find ways to develop a better relationship with your dad?


    ^^ This. I'm not in anyway saying you're wrong or it's your fault BA but if he wants to see you he must have some thoughts of care about you, you are his daughter after all. Step mums can be a trial, i know from bitter personal experience.

    How about sitting down one night and writing out everything thats wrong, make a list, and see what issues can be resolved. Be honest. List the things you do wrong as well as his, then have a chat to him about it all or, better still, write it all out in a letter.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've tried so many times to get on with my dad. But it just doesn't work. My mums family is very upper middle class, rich, private school educated.. and my dad grew up on a council estate. He always holds the fact I live with a "rich" family against me (even though my mum is far from rich!) If I ever say something like "I'm having a bad day" I'll get a reply of "Well, I'm sure Nanny and Grandad will throw some money at you to cheer you up." And it SO is not like that.
    Last time I went to stay with him, we got in an argument about a poster... it ended with him going and punching all the windows in the shed, and cutting up his hands and then kicking me out. We just don't get on at all.
    This man is counciler ffs! He works with children every single day, most of whom are drug addicts and in care... It's ridiculous. If he acted like this at work he'd be fired.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry to hear that you are goin thru this broken-angel
    my parents split up about a year and a half ago and my dad moved away. he now lives in a hostel about 25 miles away from us.

    for the first year when didnt see him and had very little contact with him because we did not want too. my brothers are 9, 13 & 15. i'm 19.

    we now see him once a month for a couple of hours on a saturday.. was supposed to be once every 2weeks but he claims he "cannot" afford to anymore.

    we are always given the choice if we want to see him or not.
    my 13 year old brother did not go the last time as he didn't want to.

    i guess wat im tryin to say is - it is your choice if you want to see him or not. mayb u could stay with your grandparents so that ur mum can stil have her break with her boyfriend.

    talk to your mum and see wat she thinks,
    good luck and best wishes to you hun.

    xx
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