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Sperm Donation....
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right, where to start.....
First thing is, I suppose this was Lolz's suggestion, so no problem there, I doubt is just saying it as one day she wishes to do a similar thing (sarrogate/donate eggs) etc
I've got a friend out in Australia, she is currently trying IVF so her, and her girlfriend can have a baby... problem is for her, she has one shot left. then she is buggered, basically the cost per shot is astronomical. she was telling me paying for the semen is more expensive than the insemination.
She asked me if I would consider it, apparently she has no other male friends she trusts enough to allow them to "donate" if you get my understanding. I initially said no but upon speaking to laura she asked me why I said no, I guess the main thing is because I thought laura wouldn't like it.
My friend said they'd obviously pay any costs etc and even flying me out there would be cheaper for her than another round.
I dunno why I need to post this, obviously I am sure not sure what to do, Laura really thinks I should... I would love to help my friend out.. but I do not know... Plus I'd get a free holiday to Oz, if this did happen :-p
I guess my thoughts regarding it are confusing right now.
First thing is, I suppose this was Lolz's suggestion, so no problem there, I doubt is just saying it as one day she wishes to do a similar thing (sarrogate/donate eggs) etc
I've got a friend out in Australia, she is currently trying IVF so her, and her girlfriend can have a baby... problem is for her, she has one shot left. then she is buggered, basically the cost per shot is astronomical. she was telling me paying for the semen is more expensive than the insemination.
She asked me if I would consider it, apparently she has no other male friends she trusts enough to allow them to "donate" if you get my understanding. I initially said no but upon speaking to laura she asked me why I said no, I guess the main thing is because I thought laura wouldn't like it.
My friend said they'd obviously pay any costs etc and even flying me out there would be cheaper for her than another round.
I dunno why I need to post this, obviously I am sure not sure what to do, Laura really thinks I should... I would love to help my friend out.. but I do not know... Plus I'd get a free holiday to Oz, if this did happen :-p
I guess my thoughts regarding it are confusing right now.
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Comments
What about later on, when the child wants to know you?
Why would I?
Umm, in some sense I suppose, However I believe, I may be able to live with it..
No, I think if I did go ahead I would want legal documents drawn up to say I have no legal responsibility for the child and no rights over the child.
Well I am good friends and very close to her, she did say if I did go ahead, she would not lie to the child, as to where he came from and I would still be about due to our friendship, I would have some outside view of it growing up and she even offered me to be a part in the childs life,
If the child wanted to know me, then so be it. if not, I understand. I think it'd be weird and strange, but I think I could handle it.
Good question... I trust and know my friend enough to know she will be a good mother...
As long as they do not place it in harm, I think I would be ok with it, I do know her views arw similar to mine, but I would leave her to be the parent, not me.
What does Laura think about this? Would she be happy with it?
Hello, Laura here!
As long as Graeme doesn't have a problem with it then neither would I. Biologically, yes, it would be his child but after that it would just be another friend's kid. If he/the child/the child's parents wanted Graeme to be part of their life then why not?! I think I would actually prefer it if he had some contact, whether it is just a yearly photo and birthday/christmas presents, etc.
The main thing I am concerned about is it being so far away and the logistics of it, i.e. Graeme having to go to OZ for however long it is decided. Obviously though, I wouldn't grudge him a free trip but I would still pout a bit! lol
If i was going to donate eggs or my partner donate sperm, id rather it was anonymous. Too complicated
That is fair enough
I don't know why but I really feel that I wouldn't have a problem with it. It's just cells and, yes, those cells came from me/my partner but if I didn't carry the baby/bond with the baby then I would have no attachment to it other than, as I said before, a friend's kid. If I'm not using the cells that particular month then someone else might aswell. Without trying to sound too crude...they are just going to get flushed otherwise :P
I am in no way trying to be flippant about it but as far as I am concerned it wouldn't be my/our/his baby apart from having half the same DNA.
Surrogacy, I think would be harder, so I would only do it for very good friends or family, where I would be a bigger part of the child's life anyway.
But, I think it'd be a good thing to do! However, you wont know how you'll feel, how much contact you'd want, until they'd had the baby. So long as you know that you'd be able to have contact if you wanted, and that Lolz would be okay with that, then I'd say go for it.
I think you need to be 100% before you do donate sperm though, and at the moment it doesn't sound like you are x
That is true but if the child was brought up knowing the circumstances in which it was concieved and knowing their biological father/mother was still a part of their life (albeit a small part) then the chances are it would seem perfectly natural and wouldn't be an issue.
Yes, she's my best friend, known her for about 8 or years, even though she's now out in oz that doesnt change it for me.. I'll be there for the kid, however they feel best for me. Will I love it, sure, but as I said, they're the parents.
I have a lot to think about.: but I think I know what ill do.
In a way I think I'd rather do it for a friend than anonymously - it's the most incredible gift, and I'd want to know the person and trust that they could do the best by the child.
Is there any kind of counselling you could have beforehand to make sure you've really thought through everything and are totally ok with it? Might be worth looking into!
If it was me then i would, u are helping out someone who is running out of hope. She lives in a diff country too right??? so u will never really see the child so that wont really be an issue. U will be the person that can bring her child into the world which is a great thing, but u really have to think about it and think about every potential scenario. U have to only do what u want and not what anyone else wants u to do
Like i said if it was me i would have to think about it thoroughly but i am sure that i would do it for someone who was so desperate, but only if they were a friend or relative.
I can see how it would be so difficult to decide but u are the only one who can make that decision
I hope it works out and u are happy whatever u choose.
Kaff. As I said I've got time to think about it as they've got a ivf shot left. Which theyre doing in the new year.
Thanks for your advice, really appreciated, ill look into it..
Seriously though, I say go for it if your wifes happy.
I can understand that.. and how you may be sceptical.. but that isnt a issue here, thanks for your concern.
And even if you can separate yourself emotionally, have you considered that sperm donation isn't quite as cut and dry as that - well of course you have, but have you considered that if for example, the child was ill, would you be prepared to donate marrow or organs? Or say the family couldn't afford university tuition and you could, what would you do? Or if the couple died, and there wasn't a next of kin?
Like Kaff said, there are some serious boundary issues that need to be set up. I think you and lolz need to think long and hard about what you would would be prepaired to put into this if worst came to worse.
Thank you for everyone's concerns regarding this, This is not a rash decision and something I have, and will continue to think about for some time.
I know some of you think it is weird as to why someone so far away would ask me, there are reasons behind this that I cannot go into without betraying my friends trust.
I can understand and appreciate everyone's advice, and I am honestly taking it on board. Laura's feelings and both my own, making sure I am ok with this, 100% what I want..
Kaff, re boundaries obviously there are things to discuss but my friend has said she wants me involved in some aspect.
A legal document saying they have no legal right to ask me for maintenance costs etc, and I have no legal right over the child.
however, obviously as we're friends and they needed help that would not stop me helping them, if I felt I could, obviously I would have no obligation, but morally I would probably help if I could,
At present I feel that I want to do this, however I need to make sure I feel the same in a few months, so we will see.
could be a minefield. You'll be dealing with the laws of 2 countries so what may be legally binding here may not be in Australia. Also, because you have a contract/document drawn up doesn't necessarilly make it legally binding so get some top notch advice on this.
Good luck :thumb:
You normally do not get paid for it either anymore!! Lol....