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Stuck!! on what to say on dating site

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Didn't know where to put this so mods, please move if you feel its in the wrong category.



I'm on a free dating site because I'm too shy and I am lacking in confidence in speaking to any girl face-to-face.

I'm fed up saying " Hey, you look nice, wanna chat?" all the time.


What can I say instead which would make a female interested in replying?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just ask some questions based on her profile. Assuming this dating site has profiles where you can write abit about yourself like hobbies etc etc.

    Failing that you could just ask how big her boobs are.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GoodFella wrote: »
    Failing that you could just ask how big her boobs are.

    :yes:

    Or if she likes it up the....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you got a profile? If you have then it's very important to say the right things in there :) If you have then I'll give you some ideas, if not then maybe you should join one where you can have a profile?

    But, don't tell a girl she looks nice straight away... because (for me at least) that could freak her out and she might think you are a bit of a perv. Maybe try things like "You sound really lovely on your profile, do you want my email address so we can talk more?"
    I'd say don't go into live chats straight away, because it'll probably end up being really awkward. Where as with emails, you can get to know people more and reply when you want to. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you got a profile? If you have then it's very important to say the right things in there :) If you have then I'll give you some ideas, if not then maybe you should join one where you can have a profile?

    But, don't tell a girl she looks nice straight away... because (for me at least) that could freak her out and she might think you are a bit of a perv. Maybe try things like "You sound really lovely on your profile, do you want my email address so we can talk more?"
    I'd say don't go into live chats straight away, because it'll probably end up being really awkward. Where as with emails, you can get to know people more and reply when you want to. x

    Basically this :yes:

    You've gotta make yourself seem abit different and interesting. Make an effort to ask different questions, afterall im sure girls on dating websites must get about 50 "hi, wanna chat?" messages a day.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have a good picture on your profile.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Serious replies only please. Just not in the mood for any sarcasm.

    Broken-Angel
    Yep I have a profile.

    Basically I've started off saying "100% genuine and kind guy here looking to make friends and maybe leading to a relationship."

    Actually I do say that they look nice straight away.

    And then moving on to my hobbies and interests. And that I like wild animals and birds of prey. And what music I'm interested in. Also that I drive.

    The I've finished off saying that I'm on facebook and add me if they like. My email address for facebook is on my profile.


    There are 8 photos of myself on the site.

    I was thinking about re-writing my profile to make it more interesting.



    I sent a message to one lass who liked the same things of me, but she never replied :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GoodFella wrote: »
    Make an effort to ask different questions, afterall im sure girls on dating websites must get about 50 "hi, wanna chat?" messages a day.

    They do. :yes:

    First comment from a bloke mentioning looks = assume the bloke's saying "I wanna get laid" and thus I wouldn't bother. It's just tacky and lame.

    (yes I tried the whole dating site thing)

    You really do need a profile that makes you seem interesting. Listing hobbies is usually just boring. You need to pull people in, make it seem like you're not just one of the thousands of blokes harassing the girls for a shag.

    I actually met my bloke through a dating site. We started chatting because he mentioned the gym which I was quite into at the time (and had written about on my profile). Then we found out we had a few things in common (including studying the same degree at uni and having gone to the same college) and eventually decided to meet up. He was never blabbering about my looks which I wouldn't have appreciated when all he had seen was a picture. Two years on and heavily pregnant I like it when he says I look cute/beautiful/etc and I can tell he really means it. :thumb:

    Basically you want to not appear like a loser and to have a personality. That usually means having a life in your free time and having something to give when communicating. Often you start talking to somebody and you realise they have absolutely nothing to say because their life is less exciting than the daily life of a tree. Those conversations are doomed to fail.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jaloux
    Thanks for your reply. I think I'll re-write my profile and make it more interesting.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Make sure you smile in photos too. Maybe have some taken by a mate when you're in a nice and happy place, so your smile looks genuine.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Basically I've started off saying "100% genuine and kind guy here looking to make friends and maybe leading to a relationship."

    Didn't you have a thread about this already? I think people recommended to put something like that out. "100% genuine and kind guy" is just screaming "I am boring." Who wouldn't say "100%" if asked "are you genuine? And who would write "79,5% genuine guy." It's pointless, and everything that is pointless is poison on a dating website.

    Just think of applying to a big company and there are 100 applicants. If you tell them the generic "I am a team worker and I like your company name." you are probably not getting the job. Be a bit more resourceful and make yourself look more unique then the rest of the thousands upon thousand guys on that website.
    Actually I do say that they look nice straight away.

    Don't. This is not a viable compliment. Everyone would say that. Actually it is perceived as a quick and easy empty phrase to win the approval of the girl and is therefore frowned upon.
    And then moving on to my hobbies and interests. And that I like wild animals and birds of prey. And what music I'm interested in. Also that I drive.

    Standard stuff which is ok, except for that you drive. Who cares? Do you breathe too? And use the toilet from time to time?
    The I've finished off saying that I'm on facebook and add me if they like. My email address for facebook is on my profile.

    minor thing, but I wouldn't mention that either way. It seems pushy, like the guys who think they've got game when they got the phone number of a girl. If it's there, they will see it, and contact you, if they are interested in you.
    There are 8 photos of myself on the site.

    If you thought katralla was being sarcastic, then maybe she wasn't 100%. You will be going to be judged by looks, so make them look good, without photoshop. You are into photography, so think of a photo of you that would look interesting.

    I sent a message to one lass who liked the same things of me, but she never replied :(

    Maybe you said the wrong things, or maybe she checked out your profile and decided she didn't like you enough. That's basically why there are dating sites, to browse quickly and more or less anonymously through a plethora of possible partners, without needing to rebuff everyone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    Don't. This is not a viable compliment. Everyone would say that. Actually it is perceived as a quick and easy empty phrase to win the approval of the girl and is therefore frowned upon.

    Standard stuff which is ok, except for that you drive. Who cares? Do you breathe too? And use the toilet from time to time?
    Also, "you look nice" and "I can drive" taken together, to me imply "get in my car"... which is obviously not the right impression you want to give.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd rethink the 8 photos, tbh. If I saw that I'd think the guy was either in love with himself, or desperate.

    Pick the best one, the one that makes you look the most fun and warm and genuine (previous advice about a natural smile out with mates was good) and bin the rest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also, "you look nice" and "I can drive" taken together, to me imply "get in my car"... which is obviously not the right impression you want to give.
    This post made me think of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1MdpahtL1Q :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lea_uk wrote: »
    This post made me think of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1MdpahtL1Q :D
    Hahaha that takes me back!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For pics, I'd go with one close up of face, one in casual attire doing something fun, and one dressed up at a formal do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And a big point, make sure you're smiling!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was on a free site for about 2 months til I got fed up and deleted it the other day.
    I must have got hundreds of 'hi, wanna chat?' or 'hi you're hot' and pleanty of just plain weird messages. I did get the odd heart felt essay which was touching but creepy. I took to saying at the bottom of my profile that I didn't respond to 'hi, want to chat' and similar messages and that way I know you haven't read my profile. It's amazing how many didn't. So it was nice when I got asked questions based on what I'd written.
    I only responded to guys who came across as genuine, normal but slightly different guys. And they were far and few between. I also got annoyed with the number of moody badass sultry pouting pictures or just crap ones where you can't see them. 2 or 3 good ones where they were smiling was all I needed. Misleading photos are also annoying, I came across a few that looked quite good in the few pictures they had but when I got to see more they really weren't that good looking. Call me shallow but it's best to be honest with your photos!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Mr.Ferrari09,

    There is always a lot of debate on what the online dating etiquette is.

    Here there seems to be a consensus from everyone about being genuine. The only things that can appear real is for you to actually be real and honest. Off course you want to make a certain impression and you wouldn't want to be honest about everything straight away, however women can usually tell between a real person and one pretending to be a certain way. This is not to say that yours is fake at all, but it is hard to try and describe oneself without sounding too confident. Perhaps try and find a good balance between being genuine and likeable without appearing over confident.

    If you are hoping to "pull online" or meet someone, just let your real self come out and it should all come together naturally!

    Good luck :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is the profile I wrote for my friend on mysinglefriend. She has been on dates every week since.

    Sassy, sorted and independent, with her feet planted firmly on the ground, Donna is most definitely a twenty-first century woman. That said, her good looks and good cooking would give Nigella a run for her money, and manners will never go out of fashion in Donna's book.

    Work ethic is important to Donna: she is driven and certainly knows her own mind. On days off, expect to find her catching the latest exhibition, enjoying dinner and drinks with friends, (gin and tonic is a definite favourite) or looking fabulous in lycra at the gym. She is switched-on and tuned-in, with a dry wit to match her inquisitive intelligence. She is also a wonderfully conscientious person who shows deep respect and loyalty towards the people around her. Though at first glance a quintessential English rose, Donna has a playful personality, and doesn't take herself too seriously. Beneath her well-mannered exterior lurks a delightfully devious and sensual being.

    Donna would be best suited to a like-minded individual who would challenge her without playing games. Good conversation and a sense of humour are must-haves. Someone cultured and sporty would get extra points.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also on dating sites, I never ever reply to hi, wanna chat messages. Men who write that come across as being totally lazy or uninteresting - if that's all they can think to write then do I really want to know them?

    Generally I write about interesting stuff I noticed on their profile, ask them questions about it. Then I write a little about how that relates to stuff in my interest range, and maybe a little joke or something.
    e.g I saw you liked xxx on your profile. I saw them at xxx festival, they were the best act I saw. Have you heard of yyy?

    DON'T mention how they look in their photo straight up - unless it's to comment on the location etc. It comes across as sleazy and reveals a lack of interest in the personality.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    talia wrote: »

    Sassy, sorted and independent, with her feet planted firmly on the ground, Donna is most definitely a twenty-first century woman. That said, her good looks and good cooking would give Nigella a run for her money, and manners will never go out of fashion in Donna's book.

    I read this and it reminded of something they would say on Blind Date when they introduce the contestants.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GoodFella wrote: »
    I read this and it reminded of something they would say on Blind Date when they introduce the contestants.

    haha! 'and number 3.....!'
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