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One off vent or verbal abuse?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm going to try not bore people here, try cut a long story short. Basically been with my partner 8 months now, have a toddler from a previous relationship who still see's his father on a weekly basis. My partner now more or less lives with me and my son and has always financially contributed, he was great with me and is amazing with my son, treats him like his own. We're booked to go to florida in 3 weeks for xmas, with his parents and grandparents. So all was well.
At least until last week
it was one of my best friends 21st parties and I found out my ex was going hours before. Bearing in mind i still work with him and we are friends, my current partner knows this, I told my current partner because I know he his a bit jealous and doesnt like the fact we talk. Anyway caused a bit of a disagreement before going out, we sorted it though. So all is good till ex comes in. He kicks off because my ex gave me a fiver when he walked in towards a collection for the birthday girl we had done in work. Starts callin him names out loud for everyone about to hear, knowing very well I work with these people. He then accused another of my friends for drawing him looks then laughng with the ex, I know this wasnt the case. So he threatened to approach and ask them and I told him no not at this party, to which told me he was going, id to "enjoy my life with the ex, hoped he cheats again" I realised I had to get my money and phone to get home and asked him for it outside (found him bitching to some work collegues outside) he proceeds to shout and swear infront of them and threw my keys and money into the near by car for me to go find.
I let him go and didnt answer back at all knowing it wouldnt help anythin to do so. I recieved voicemails and what he was going to do. Tellin me he wouldnt take me back till I pished on my ex's coffin. Oh there were some horrid nasty stuff said. Then I got texts as well, tellin me he was going to phone my mum and dad, let them know exactly what happened and why he ended it. He threatened to continuously break the ex's legs, for the rest of his life. Put posters up in our work tellin everyone that he was a homewrecker. I evetually had to leave the party was too upset n didnt wanna cause another scene. I got home and had spoken to his mum so thought he was at his house. However I got a phone call, he wanted in for stuff for his parade, i made him promise he'd take his stuff and go, but instead he follwed me into the living room, shouting and swearing aggressively. it was scary. He refused to leave, I was beggin him in tears, tellin him I just wanted my bed for work but noo. This was 3 hours after having left the party, so in my opinion he should have sobered up a fair bit. He started throwing a couple things around the room and i decided i had to leave then and went to a friends.
I dont even like swearing. I have a swear jar, so just to swear at a partner in my opinion is unacceptable. But, except the movies, I have never seen anythin like this. It was like he was another person. He kept shoutin that he paid for me and my son, more than anyone else done. No he doesnt! Anyway I never spoke to him for a few days, when I did he was full of sorrys, he wouldnt drink again and go to speak to someone if need be. I agreed I'd try get over it and give us a go..but I'm struggling big time. Need some advice please? I dont want to hurt my son x
At least until last week
it was one of my best friends 21st parties and I found out my ex was going hours before. Bearing in mind i still work with him and we are friends, my current partner knows this, I told my current partner because I know he his a bit jealous and doesnt like the fact we talk. Anyway caused a bit of a disagreement before going out, we sorted it though. So all is good till ex comes in. He kicks off because my ex gave me a fiver when he walked in towards a collection for the birthday girl we had done in work. Starts callin him names out loud for everyone about to hear, knowing very well I work with these people. He then accused another of my friends for drawing him looks then laughng with the ex, I know this wasnt the case. So he threatened to approach and ask them and I told him no not at this party, to which told me he was going, id to "enjoy my life with the ex, hoped he cheats again" I realised I had to get my money and phone to get home and asked him for it outside (found him bitching to some work collegues outside) he proceeds to shout and swear infront of them and threw my keys and money into the near by car for me to go find.I let him go and didnt answer back at all knowing it wouldnt help anythin to do so. I recieved voicemails and what he was going to do. Tellin me he wouldnt take me back till I pished on my ex's coffin. Oh there were some horrid nasty stuff said. Then I got texts as well, tellin me he was going to phone my mum and dad, let them know exactly what happened and why he ended it. He threatened to continuously break the ex's legs, for the rest of his life. Put posters up in our work tellin everyone that he was a homewrecker. I evetually had to leave the party was too upset n didnt wanna cause another scene. I got home and had spoken to his mum so thought he was at his house. However I got a phone call, he wanted in for stuff for his parade, i made him promise he'd take his stuff and go, but instead he follwed me into the living room, shouting and swearing aggressively. it was scary. He refused to leave, I was beggin him in tears, tellin him I just wanted my bed for work but noo. This was 3 hours after having left the party, so in my opinion he should have sobered up a fair bit. He started throwing a couple things around the room and i decided i had to leave then and went to a friends.
I dont even like swearing. I have a swear jar, so just to swear at a partner in my opinion is unacceptable. But, except the movies, I have never seen anythin like this. It was like he was another person. He kept shoutin that he paid for me and my son, more than anyone else done. No he doesnt! Anyway I never spoke to him for a few days, when I did he was full of sorrys, he wouldnt drink again and go to speak to someone if need be. I agreed I'd try get over it and give us a go..but I'm struggling big time. Need some advice please? I dont want to hurt my son x
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Comments
This needs to be made very clear to your bf (not saying you haven't before) that your son needs to see his father and vice versa and the fact that the 2 of you get on can only be good for your son, AND THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GOING TO BE. If your bf can't accept that then frankly he can fuck off. You and your son are more important than him.
I'm not one for ultmatums but you seriously need to say to your bf that if anything like this ever happens again it's over.
You say he was throwing things about. It only takes something like an ashtray or an ornament rebounding off a wall to cause you or your son serious injury. Physical violence wether directed at you or an inanimate object is never, ever good. He has some serious anger issues which he needs to address for this relationship to work, not to mention this jealousy.
He says he'll 'go and see someone'. Well the sooner the better to be quite frank.
Sorry I should have been more clear, this is a different ex. My sons father and I split up when he was 8 months, I met someone a few months after then, was with him for a year. This is the ex he's jealous of.
His last gf messed him around, but ive never gave him reason to be jealous or suspicious. I get the impression he'd be happy if they both fell off the side of the earth.
I'm concerned he might act like this again. I can't trust him not too right now. I want to get over what happened and help him but i'm not sure I can. And I dont want to hurt my son by cutting someone out his life. My son loves my partner like a father. Its all messed up!
Did i do good mum ?
Ah right. How does your bf get on with the relationship you have with your sons father ?
As far as my original post goes, wel it pretty much stays the same. You should be able to see/be friends with whoever you wish to. It's the violence that concerns me the most.