No chance with this girl....

Former Member

I like a girl off my course and she knows that I really like her. Our friendship has had its ups and downs over the past couple of years. She is just not the same with me anymore and she has said to me she doesn't want to know how I feel, if I am upset and that she is going to be closer to other people off the course. Basically she is tired of me now and I am upset about this. She is dead happy with other people off my course and at times barley acknowledges me. We are OK on occasion, but most the time when we are by ourselves I sense she feels awkward and that makes me awkward. I am miserable around her which isn't making anything better. The reason why I am miserable is that I have no chance what so ever with her and after uni I am going to miss her. I am very upset about losing her as a friend as I got on best with her on the course and everybody likes her so its hard for me at the moment in uni. If I am honest my self confidence is low and I just act miserable and dead nervous around her. I really want to be happy but cant at the moment.

I just want to gain some confidence more than anything else at the moment as I think she thinks I am a loser.

Former Member

You should want to gain confidence for yourself, help yourself feel a bit better, not because of whatever this girl thinks you are. Hope you start to feel better soon *hug*

Former Member

Hi jimbob,

Sorry to hear that your experience with this girl has meant that your self confidence and self esteem is low at the moment.

Onemore is right that it sounds like your reasons for wanting to improve your self esteem and confidence is because of her rather than for yourself. The first step in getting over her and moving forwards might be to try and do stuff for you, rather than because of her.

Sometimes, certain situations and people can make things worse not better, and one of the ways to deal with these is literally to remove yourself from these situations as much as possible. It sounds like being around her isn't helping you feel better, it might be a good idea to try and move your focus away from her and think about how you can boost your self esteem and confidence in new areas and by meeting new people. Are there other people apart from people on your course you can spend time with to distract you and help you get over her? Have a look at our article on making new friends. Moving on from an important relationship with someone, whether it's romantic or not is hard - but, given time, you will be able to move on and how she feels and behaves won't be able to influence you so much.

Hugs *hug*

Former Member

The thing is me and the girl are in the same group of people who sit together in lectures etc. I got on best with her and people always talk to her and stuff so I feel left put now. She says she is still my friend but blatently acts different with others in front of me, dead happy with them, talks about things outside of uni etc. I am miserable at the moment and do not want to interact with anyone or people just don't try with me because I am down.

I said to her I think that she thinks I am a loser but she says she doesn't. I just think she is saying that as we are in uni together. After uni she will show her true colours and just won't be bothered. My friend said just carry on and don't sit by yourself. I was going to sit by myself in uni, but others will get onto this and just think I am even more of a weirdo.

I am just down at the moment and want to vent and here gives me an opportunity to do so.

Former Member

just get on with other people and forget about her. Don't deliberately ignore her, but just don't make much of an effort to talk to her, or things like that. Treat her like you'd be neutral towards her.

I think she made it clear she wants to distance herself from you, so do that too and show her and yourself that you can just do fine without her.