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Boyfriends low self confidence= no sex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I was wanting some advice on how to boost my boyfriends self confidence.

Iv'e been with him for a couple of years now and we havent had sex because his family are religous (he isn't really but he respects thier views)

But also he has no self confidence what so ever, at school he was bullied for being chubby. Since then hes lost all his puppy fat and whatever but he still feels low about his weight.
He also had a circumcision when he was in his early teens for medical reasons and he doesnt even let me do anything for very long down there.

I really do love him and I feel hes the one i want to spend the rest of my life with, but how do I know if we get married this will all change. I really love sex, and because I don't get it im just horny all the time. He pleasures me but won't let me return the favour.

How can i give him the confidence to let me be intimate with him and start enjoying the things other young couples do.

please help, thankyou for listening

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there girl123,

    Welcome to the boards. It's great that you are seeking support here :) There's usually at least a few other people on here who have experienced similar things - and everyone is really happy to share their advice and help people out.

    It sounds like a frustrating situation for you both. Sex isn't always a comfortable and easy thing for people to talk about - especially if a family has particular views or opinions on it - which might make it feel lke a bigger deal, or a really taboo thing to talk about for him.

    You mention that your boyfriend has little self confidence when it comes to his body - and that you think this may be why he finds it hard to let go and let you pleasure him. Have you talked to him about this? Perhaps you could explain what you have said to us here - that you love him and respect his beliefs, but you get turned on by him and want to be able to enjoy the give and take of sex play - and at the moment you feel like he won't let you. Emphasising that you want to enjoy this together and make it easier for him to think of sex as fun and comfortable might help.

    These sorts of conversations can feel awkward at first and can be hard to start - but once you have got over the initial part, it can get easier. Maybe give it a go when you are not in bed or a sexual situation, but a time when you are both feeling calm and able to talk. You might find that there is a specific concern or worry he has which you can reassure him about. If not, bringing stuff out in the open and talking about it may help him feel more comfortable and able to explore what he wants and feels in his own time.

    Another thing that might be nice is finding new ways to be intimate together - for example massages, or having baths together, maybe spending time just lying next to each other stroking, touching and exploring, telling each other what feels nice and what doesn't. Perhaps this might help reassure him how much you enjoy being together with him and help him enjoy and relax with this closesness.

    Some thoughts - I reckon other people will have more tho....:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :d
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    girl123 wrote: »
    I was wanting some advice on how to boost my boyfriends self confidence.

    Iv'e been with him for a couple of years now and we havent had sex because his family are religous (he isn't really but he respects thier views)

    But also he has no self confidence what so ever, at school he was bullied for being chubby. Since then hes lost all his puppy fat and whatever but he still feels low about his weight.
    He also had a circumcision when he was in his early teens for medical reasons and he doesnt even let me do anything for very long down there.

    I really do love him and I feel hes the one i want to spend the rest of my life with, but how do I know if we get married this will all change. I really love sex, and because I don't get it im just horny all the time. He pleasures me but won't let me return the favour.

    How can i give him the confidence to let me be intimate with him and start enjoying the things other young couples do.

    please help, thankyou for listening

    Its strange he will pleasure you, but not let you reciprocate? I don't get that.

    I think you should sit down with him and get to the bottom of it. Let him know you love him and want to be with him, that you want sex and he doesn't need to have any worries. Ask him what the problem is and reassure him is all I can suggest as I can't understand why he would refuse sex - the only thing i can think of is that its circumcision related, may be feels abnormal or damaged.
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