Me: As a person...

Former Member

A lot of what I am going to say here is stemming from my thread on here at present, However a lot of what I am going to say, whilst is related to that subject is a new topic, I also feel it doesn't belong in that part of the forums.

Right so we all know my relationship with my wife is, good but I am having troubles, However I have yet to pluck up the courage, for all I know she may think everything is hunky dory at her end, I've been given some wonderful advice regarding this which I am thankful for. However it has opened my mind up to a lot of things.

I recently had some discussions which bought up a lot of my past. It was hard but I managed. anyway this I'll go into later.

The difficulties I am having with my marriage I still want to say things are good, the love I have for my wife are still there, As full as ever, I have no desire to leave her, No wish to leave her at all. This I am adamant about, But there are other things not helping,

Living where I live is tough, We live here for my wife, her family are here, her friends are here, However this place for me, I hold nothing towards, I am lonely here and I think this is causing me to be "depressed" a lot.

I once, this evening, very lightly bought the topic of moving off the island up to laura. she said "no" of course not, I never expected that, I even said I was lonely, I simply got told to "make new friends" I don't want new friends, I want MY friends...

I've been here for years now and I've never felt lonelier... Sure, I could go out if I want, make new friends, maybe it'd work, but it isn't what I am wanting at present. I do not get off the island often, when I do, I love it. I don't think laura can really understand how I feel here, I don't even know if I want to try to make her, especially after tonight.

The few friends I do have in my life, obviously now are distant and far from me or I've made through here... ha yes.. sucks to say it but some of the best people in my life came from this place.

A lot of my friends have moved on now, I seldom speak to them, one or two in particular just point blank ignore me which is hard, especially as one, I thought was a very very good friend of mine, The few who are still around, I think I press to hard, aka I think I may require more from them (as I feel so lonely) than they can offer... I understand that it is not there fault, It isn't even mine I suppose, Well I guess it is.. but It's still hard..

Going back to what I said about my past, This bought a lot up for me. I've not been what I would be classed as depressed in years, Am I now? I don't know, I feel it is a blip, temporary I hope, but I do not wish to class it, However the feelings are similar from my past. I use to self harm, I make no fact of hiding it, The feelings I have been going through lately have been bring this further and further to the front of my mind. I keep thinking of my family to try and push it back, but feeling down I always wonder, Will I go back to that way, Will I revert to it... Will I? I do not know.

Regarding hospitals, doctors, I will not under any circumstance get those involved. As of yet, these are merely thoughts, thoughts about it, about my past, about how I feel, I am kinda hopful I've talked about this early enough, and can work on it early enough that I do not end up where I did before... Who knows thought, I can only hope!


What am I wanting from this thread, I do not know, but It is clear I have a few problems in my life right now, all linked together to an extent. To summarise.

My marriage is a little rocky regarding intimacy,
I am lonely, alone, feel alone or on my own,
These are making me sad/depressed, which is dredging the past up

I know a lot of this requires speaking to my wife, I tried that tonight... It wasn't what I was hoping for and I think for the first time.. I have been let down by her, However she is ill and tired so maybe I caught her at a bad time..

My children come first, I know that, but if I am like this, I am no good to my kids, I need to pick myself up,

Once again thank you for reading,

Former Member

I think what you are suffering from is circumstantial depression; depression caused by difficult circumstances rather than chemical imbalances, but it can develop into clinical depression if it goes on long enough. It might even be worth looking into male post-natal depression.

Aside from what I've said in the other thread, I would advise you to write down what you want to say to your wife so you have it clear in your head before you try talking to her again, because for me at least it all gets a bit muddled when it actually comes to talking about it. This may also make it easier to work out what you need to do to fix it. Maybe your wife could come up with a similar list? You say her family are near by, perhaps you could ask them to take the little'uns for an evening so you have a bit of time to talk about it.

hugs *hug*

Former Member

You should write down what you want to say as evenstar said, but it might be easier for your wife to read it while you're not there, then there are no interruptions while reading it, i.e, breaking off from reading it to disagree with something you've said in it... Be very honest about everything, and I mean everything. When you give her the letter to read tell her just how important this is to you... I hope things start going well for you mate.. My Daughter used to self harm, never understood it myself but wouldn't judge you for it, hope it doesn't come to that.. Keep posting, even doing that might help you.

Former Member

Big Hugs to u, i know how u feel with the friend thing if u are a people person and u have none around it can be very lonely, i totally know how u feel.
I think if your wife is completley ignoring or is unwilling to budge she is being very selfish, i see u said u having intimacy problems aswell again it seems she is getting it all her own way without even considering u, many woman think if a man says nothing he is there for happy, because unlike woman we do tend to have a nag or moan or cry, u need to write down what u have written here and give her time to read it, it may help goodluck. Life is soooo short its not fair if u are not happy x

Former Member

Well me n the wife had a long long talk, It turns out we could, and may be looking to move in about 10 years or so, when the children are older and we're financially able too.

A lot more to talk about but it is looking forward..

Former Member

Glad you guys are talking.

Don't ever forget Hellfire, you are a fab fab person and a very very strong person too. You know that from what you've written. You've done brilliant to spot that you're not at your best and done pro active things to try and help yourself.

On the self harm front there are a couple of things to try and remember. One being how much you'll kick yourself afterwards if you do, it's really not worth the grief you'll give yourself afterwards. Another is that like you rightly said, you've got your kids to think about now. Lastly, you've got brilliant will power, you've got this far and you know you don't need to.

Hugs. And I'm glad talk went well, sounds like a bit of long term perspective is what you need to get you eyes over the top of the down patch you're currently in.

Former Member

Thank you so much... it means so much to me to here that. you've made me cry there.. thank you..

I am feeling stronger -ow.. I believe I can beat the shing urges. I hope

Former Member

hi hellfire,

sorry to hear you're feeling down, i agree with scary monster. you're great and obviously a caring person as well as a wonderful dad. glad you've had a chance to speak with your wife and it has given you something to look forward to in the long term. keep posting on here,. it does help to get it all out. even if it's just online and i know a lot of people care for you on this site. *hug*

Former Member

Thank you.... all so much.

Former Member

I always feel well proud of you when i think about how you have grown up so much over the last few years and turned into a very mature and grown up and responsible young man - you have to remember that.

Now that you know that your not necessarily going to be stuck on the island for ever - i do still think that its probably worth trying to get out there and meet some new people and getting a different perspective on things

Former Member

aww you sound like you need a hug


here's one thru da net *hug*