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an older man
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
he and i like eachother. but theres 2 slight problems.
1) He lives not near me,
2) he's 4 yrs older than me
he's 18 and im 14 (well almost) and i dont know what to do. i really like him but im having doubts about how this will work. any advise?
1) He lives not near me,
2) he's 4 yrs older than me
he's 18 and im 14 (well almost) and i dont know what to do. i really like him but im having doubts about how this will work. any advise?
0
Comments
I knew a guy who was 19 and got with a 15 year old, people gave him stick as she was still at school obviously but he is a really shy gentle guy and they have been together 9 years
1 - Why do you think he is looking to date someone so young, especially someone who could end him up with a nice prison sentence should something happen.
2 - How well do you know him? you said you I.M all the time, and he drove a long distance to see you, you've met only twice so I assume you met online first. Someone who looks, and meets children under age online do fall into a category, especially when after a relationship, sexual or not. that category is a predator. Whilst I am not accusing him off anything, I would have to say it is a little hunky. Is this something you really really want? If so then I say go for it, try, but be careful, you have to remember most of what an eighteen year old thinks, is aimed towards sex, especially in a relationship.
Best of luck, Prove me wrong!
Does he seem like a genuine person? what happened when you met up?
Legally seen he is definitely not save. If your, or his parents or basically anyone brings your relationship to the attention of authorities it would cause your boyfriend legal trouble. The kind of trouble you REALLY don't want on your record.
That said, he sounds like an ok bloke if he tries to take it slow and hasn't shown any sign of forcing you into something. Still, you always have to ask yourself: What does an adult man want with a teenage girl? There are most probably big differences in your personal interests, like what you focus on, think about, talk about, live for, try to achieve. Even tho in times like these you could be on a very similar level of emotional maturity.
I can still not advise you to do it, because it's illegal in the UK, so all I can tell you is be wary, because this can mean a lot of trouble.
You might want to check out theSite.org's factsheets on Age gaps in relationships to give you some food for thought.
It seems that everybody else has focussed on the issue of how others would perceive your relationship and whether it might be a 'taboo'. Certainly there would likely be a few raised eyebrows, particularly as you're under the age of consent and he's over the age of 18.
Do you think it might help to think about how other people might react to it? Your parents? Your friends? This might not mean just what they would think, but also what (if anything) they might actually do in reaction to it. Of course it might also valid to consider whether you would actually mind at all what other people think or do.
Of course, as Ballerina's example shows there are lots of people who manage to make age differences (and distance for that matter) work and work really well in a relationship. The most important thing to remember is that it's all up to you. And that doesn't just mean whether you have a relationship but also what happens within it.
I guess one of the immediate assumptions or fears with the kind of age difference you've described and the fact that you meet online is that the older guy will pressurise the young girl into doing something she doesn't want to. You can already see that Hellfire quickly came up with the word ‘predator’ and that is what many people may think.
It would be a really good idea to read theSite.org’s article on meeting someone you’ve met online. Also, remember that you should never be afraid to tell him when something makes you uncomfortable, or if you ready for something in particular or if you just want to slow down. Whatever it is, if he's a guy who's worth his salt then he will respect your wishes and be glad you told him rather than simply saying nothing.
I hope that whatever you decide it all goes well. And don't forget that we're always here if you have any more questions/problems/queries.
Will
I thought that a month ago you were chatting on here about some other bloke you fancied? Is it the same bloke, or have you been chatting with this current guy whilst you were having issues with the previous one you fancied?
Just be careful
http://vbulletin.thesite.org/showpost.php?p=2299142&postcount=4
Whilst there is nothing inherantly wrong with long distance relationships, you just need to be careful.
It's not the long distant part I'd be worried about. I'm kinda in two minds about this, as a personal opinion. I do think he may be to old but I also know,that's me personally. Only you can decide
Good point, ive drove to Poland in less than that...
I never realised this was internet based, that made it seem more predortary, but then you said hes met you parents which made me think he cannot be out to do you much harm if its all in the open and theres no secrecy going on then that is healthy.
When i was 17 i considered geting with a 14 year old but she was way too forward, infact when we went on a first (and only) date she scared the hell out of my cos i was a virgin and she was trying to do allsorts and she had the hump with me for not doing nothing :d
Personally i would not let my 14 year old Daughter drive around with an 18 year old because of where it may lead.
yeah it was very romantic and he's also driving here for my official birthday, he's acualy as excited as I am. If not more ^-^
lol i liked him but he didnt really like me back and i even told Robert about him and then we just clicked i guess. as 4 the other bloke, he's dating this girl 3 towns over. so it all worked out i guess