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My wife reads books
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
As stupid as the title suggests, thats actually a bit of a problem for me...
This is nothing serious or a big problem so i dont mean to over dramatise, its not like i need to do something about it, but i would appreciate an opinion or two.
What it is, my wife likes to read which is great, a good hobbie, theres are a lot worse things she could be doing right.
What annoys me is that when were (me her and our Son) together, which isnt often as i work 12 hour days, i think we should be together, sitting together, playing together etc, but sometimes i get home and start playing with my Son and she goes to read a book, theres always a book in her handbag, if we go out for the day and were on the bus she will pull a book out, i think even if we havent got much to say to each other thats still rude as its taking away any possible conversations or small talk about whatever.
We went to Kent a while back and she read all the time on the beach and i was playing with our Son mostly which i loved, but i want her to be more involved... (dont mistake me for suggesting shes not a great Mum cos she is and she spends time with him and plays with him, teaches him things)
She thinks im being silly, like i said to her if i bought a ps2 handheld games thing and i was pulling that out all the time im sure she would say something about it.
Am i overreacting?
Ta :thumb:
This is nothing serious or a big problem so i dont mean to over dramatise, its not like i need to do something about it, but i would appreciate an opinion or two.
What it is, my wife likes to read which is great, a good hobbie, theres are a lot worse things she could be doing right.
What annoys me is that when were (me her and our Son) together, which isnt often as i work 12 hour days, i think we should be together, sitting together, playing together etc, but sometimes i get home and start playing with my Son and she goes to read a book, theres always a book in her handbag, if we go out for the day and were on the bus she will pull a book out, i think even if we havent got much to say to each other thats still rude as its taking away any possible conversations or small talk about whatever.
We went to Kent a while back and she read all the time on the beach and i was playing with our Son mostly which i loved, but i want her to be more involved... (dont mistake me for suggesting shes not a great Mum cos she is and she spends time with him and plays with him, teaches him things)
She thinks im being silly, like i said to her if i bought a ps2 handheld games thing and i was pulling that out all the time im sure she would say something about it.
Am i overreacting?
Ta :thumb:
0
Comments
I leave disappointed.
Hahahahaha... that is brilliant!
Bare Lolz n TinG
I think she proberly does sometimes think i can take over, so she can go and do something else, i will implement some ideas, games for us to play that require three people for example...
Hugs n Love :thumb:
That's my thought as well, with a spouse working long days it's probably very tempting to get time off to relax and be on your own a bit once they finally get home. I know that would be my biggest wish!
Instead of avoiding confrontation maybe say something like i'd like to give you some time off i.e. structured reading time and acknowledge that she needs some time to unwind and then build in some structured family time to the rest of the week as well.
Haha, but the witch is her Mother...
Sorry i really should of pointed out she does also work and her Mother looks after our Son, she is home by 15:50 and i get home at 19:30-45 normally.
Take yesterday for an example, i got home, she was in bed reading and didnt come downstairs once, ive tried talking to her. :banghead:
I did say to her yesterday do you know where something is, she just said no and i said well cant you at least help me try to look for it (it was some batteries i needed for a bathtime toy for our Son), she didnt even bother getting her arse out of bed cos she was wrapped up in a Romance novel...
She just said i dont know where they are.
Obviously she enjoys reading and shes quite happy sitting there but i dont understand how she can do it, i cherish the time with my Son theres no way i would sit on a computer game or read a book while hes playing in another room. Her Mum does most of the stuff round the house when were at work so shes not got a lot on chore wise. (and im not trying to make me out as a Dad of the year as i have my faults but i give what little time i have)
I did say yesterday can you put your book down, i said youve been reading for at least three hours since i been home, i said how would you feel if i was always playing computer games, she said ar you always say that about stupid computer games or something???
I said well it could be anything, i could be doing a crossword, going down the Gym, She made a comment about well why dont i start reading books which was her attempt at being a Comedian so i said the point is that what you are doing is taking you away from us so what IT IS isnt important.
This was not said is a shouting way or anything but i will see if she changes her ways at all, its bloody annoying for me, and its expensive, everytime i think thats great shes finished those, she orders another five books of the net. I swear to God i feel like burning them all on the heath and doing a ritualistic dance around the fire. Not that money is important at all but it does annoy me a bit as we are trying to save and i hardly buy anything for myself apart from food nowadays.
I said to her i cant put up with this, whens it going to stop, i dont want to have to think for the rest of our lives your always going to be sitting down reading a book, its too much, everytime you finish one theres another one one and you pick it up straight away. This again was said in a nice kind of way tone wise and she was kind of laughing about it but im serious...
Oh well.
It at least feels better for me talking to you guys about it and reading your responses...
Thanks
And that is really awful for u and your son all i can say is i hope she realises what she is doing because before she realises your son will be grown up and she will have missed out on all the special things.
I say go and treat yourself to something nice u work hard .
Goodluck x
Haha, quality...
I hope that they're cook-books she's reading!!!:chin: :d
Pfftttt :impissed:
Try to find out what might be bothering her, from you, maybe she would prefer you could work less hours and stay more time with her (no matter how money you have)
What I mean is that she uses her books as an escape, like some people do with games.
I'm sure you are going to work it out, because feelings, sometimes, are hard to tell.:chin:
Sorry to hear that this doesn't feel resolved - although good to hear it helps you reading responses here.
It sounds like part of the problem is that she doesn't understand why it frustrates you - so it's simmering under the surface a bit.
Actually communicating about issues where you both have really different viewpoints in a way that ends up in both people feeling as though there has been some kind of resolution is often really hard. We've got an article called Communication as a Couple which might help - particularly the section on the skills you need.
Some people also swear by 'techniques' when faced with conflict and disagreement in a relationship - for example, find a time when you're both calm, maybe when your son is at his grans and you have time to really talk. Then each spend 10 minutes putting your case across. While one person is speaking, the other has to listen and can't interrupt. Afterwards it is the other persons turn to talk. After 10 minutes (or whatever time you decide) each, you have ten minutes talking about it together and trying to reach a compromise that you are both happy with. If it starts to become a row, take some time out and come back to it later. If it's not resolved after the time allocated, decide another time to continue chatting about it and get on with something else. This can help you focus on the issue in hand, both have a chance to get your point across and not let it turn into a shouting match.
You could also look at this video on Communicating in your Relationship on VideoJug from a man called Philip Van Munching - yes he has a strange name and has written an odd sounding book but some of the stuff he says in this video does make sense!
Or maybe she just likes reading and doesn't realise how it affects him.
Maybe you need to attempt to discuss this in a more constructive manner, like why she prefers reading once you're at home. Perhaps she's also bored and it's her way to distance herself from you. Do the two of you ever do something on weekends or after you finish work?
I sometimes find that my evenings are boring as hell with my bloke, it's nobody's fault really but you get stuck in a rut and days, weeks and months pass and you don't realise you're never doing anything with your partner except the normal everyday things. I do care for him but I often feel I'm not super excited about doing stuff with him and just want to do my own thing. Again, not his fault anymore than it is mine. When we bother and actually play board games, see a movie or go out for a dinner we normally both feel really pleased with each other and re-connect for a bit.
I hope the two of you can solve this, it must be frustrating for you to feel like she prefers to spend her evenings in solitude!