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Facebook friends - what ex's are ok?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is the first time that i have ever posted but here goes.
I probably need to give some background info first. I'm male, mid twenties, and most women would consider me handsome now, though I used to be obese back at uni with low self esteem. i've been seeing a girl for around five months now and she's amazing, basically everything i'd ever want in a partner.
She was upfront with me early that she had had a a fair number of partners before me. Been in love with 2 guys, a few that would fall into boyfriend territory and then a number of one night stands. I have as well, and what the hell when you are young free and single right??
Anyway her last serious relationship (one of the 2) ended over a year ago now. She then started to see a guy within a month of splitting up with him who was hot and cold with her. That lasted around 6-7 months, though she says she was only "seeing him" and was never in love. This guy since sent her texts while I was with her, saying that he wanted to get back with her. This was after she told him she was in love with me. She told me about the texts after they had got to that point as they at first seemed pretty platonic and hasn't replied to the last couple of texts he sent after he said he wanted to hook up again, which was her decision. i since checked her phone to see what had gone on and it was as she had said. She found out about it and took it well, though i obviously know i was well out of line, and really regret doing it.
Now the facebook bit. i have her as a friend on facebook and had a look at some of her past photos. I talked to her about the fact that i didn't appreciate the that there are alot of photos up there of her kissing her ex. Don't get me wrong I know she has a past but its a bit different when its in your face all the time and my friends and family can see pictures of her up there kissing the same guy all the time in them. Bare in mind we had met each others parents and were pretty serious by this point as well. This didn't go down well at all!! She said that this really shouldn't matter. But i couldn't help how i felt at the end of the day and she has these pictures on her laptop anyway so its not like i was wanting her to delete her past or anything, just put it there, rather than keeping it in the present. She did it though I feel she resented me a bit for it.
As she has been very upfront with me about the guys she has been with, i also know that she has a number of ex lovers as friends on facebook. Now the boyfriends I can deal with, some are friends still, fair enough. The thing that is really bothering me is that there are a handful of her one night stands on there as friends (didn't even know each other before either) and it bugs the life out of me. i have tried to speak to her about it, but she says that she has lots of facebook friends who she has added but doesn't know well. She thinks theres no point in deleting them.
I don't want to be an over baring boyfriend who tries to control his other half as i understand full well that i'll just push her away. Which i don't want to do. But do i have a point that maintaining this link is inappropriate when we are in a serious relationship? At the end of the day I thought facebook was about keeping in touch with people you are/were friends with and would want to keep in touch with.
I don't think she is going to cheat on me by the way, we both love each other.
i want some honest feedback here please. Even if its just to say that I'm been a creep. Do i have a point or am I been controlling and insecure???
Sorry about the length.
I probably need to give some background info first. I'm male, mid twenties, and most women would consider me handsome now, though I used to be obese back at uni with low self esteem. i've been seeing a girl for around five months now and she's amazing, basically everything i'd ever want in a partner.
She was upfront with me early that she had had a a fair number of partners before me. Been in love with 2 guys, a few that would fall into boyfriend territory and then a number of one night stands. I have as well, and what the hell when you are young free and single right??
Anyway her last serious relationship (one of the 2) ended over a year ago now. She then started to see a guy within a month of splitting up with him who was hot and cold with her. That lasted around 6-7 months, though she says she was only "seeing him" and was never in love. This guy since sent her texts while I was with her, saying that he wanted to get back with her. This was after she told him she was in love with me. She told me about the texts after they had got to that point as they at first seemed pretty platonic and hasn't replied to the last couple of texts he sent after he said he wanted to hook up again, which was her decision. i since checked her phone to see what had gone on and it was as she had said. She found out about it and took it well, though i obviously know i was well out of line, and really regret doing it.
Now the facebook bit. i have her as a friend on facebook and had a look at some of her past photos. I talked to her about the fact that i didn't appreciate the that there are alot of photos up there of her kissing her ex. Don't get me wrong I know she has a past but its a bit different when its in your face all the time and my friends and family can see pictures of her up there kissing the same guy all the time in them. Bare in mind we had met each others parents and were pretty serious by this point as well. This didn't go down well at all!! She said that this really shouldn't matter. But i couldn't help how i felt at the end of the day and she has these pictures on her laptop anyway so its not like i was wanting her to delete her past or anything, just put it there, rather than keeping it in the present. She did it though I feel she resented me a bit for it.
As she has been very upfront with me about the guys she has been with, i also know that she has a number of ex lovers as friends on facebook. Now the boyfriends I can deal with, some are friends still, fair enough. The thing that is really bothering me is that there are a handful of her one night stands on there as friends (didn't even know each other before either) and it bugs the life out of me. i have tried to speak to her about it, but she says that she has lots of facebook friends who she has added but doesn't know well. She thinks theres no point in deleting them.
I don't want to be an over baring boyfriend who tries to control his other half as i understand full well that i'll just push her away. Which i don't want to do. But do i have a point that maintaining this link is inappropriate when we are in a serious relationship? At the end of the day I thought facebook was about keeping in touch with people you are/were friends with and would want to keep in touch with.
I don't think she is going to cheat on me by the way, we both love each other.
i want some honest feedback here please. Even if its just to say that I'm been a creep. Do i have a point or am I been controlling and insecure???
Sorry about the length.
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Comments
Do they actually use facebook to keep in touch and talk all the time or are they just in each others lists and thats it? I have 'friends' on facebook i never ever talk to and some people just dont delete people because.... they just dont. It doesnt mean they still have a relationship of any sort
She isn't with any of these people, in fact she only spent one night with them. She's with you. Enjoy that and don't let this become an unnecessary wedge between you.
You don't seem to be worried about your relationship. The photos I can and do understand your point. Id be the same. But id suggest you just drop the exs on her friendslist issue.