Anxiety about a relationship....please help me :(

Former Member

so yeah.....this is my first ever post....im pretty nervous but i really really need some advice. i have spoke to some friends but they just seem to be getting tired of me always feeling so low and negative.
basically, my problem right now is im experiencing serious anxiety and possibly depression, its not only relationship issues that trigger it but mainly that at the moment.
i think i should give a little explanation on the situation....right now, i have the most wonderful boyfriend, we have been good friends for a long time and started to see each other around 4 months ago, he doesn't know yet, but i do love him i have loved him for a long time, just from a distance. but iv really been enjoying how laid back everything is and how easy it is to be in a relationship with him so im holding off before i say the big L word
so yeah, everything sounds great right? but then why do i get the feeling every 3 weeks or so, that everything is going to come crashing down in flames? it always lasts for around 3 days to a week, where i cant stop crying, i feel sick, i cant eat, i cant sleep, i have a constant feeling of terror that hes going to leave me. i think im going to do something wrong and he will tell me that its over....i cant shake this feeling. he doesn't ever see me when i get in this state, i make sure of that, i don't wanna cause a problem from nothing....cause deep down i know everything is fine, but at the same time im still terrified that its all going to fall apart. i find reasons in my head for him to leave me, maybe he thinks im fat or ugly, maybe hes getting bored blah blah blah....its always something that triggers it too, but it could be the slightest thing, if hes slightly quiet one morning, even tho he is still full of hugs n kisses, i still get it in my head that something is wrong. im just waiting for something to happen all the time, and its exhausting trying to hide it....but i don't ever wanna talk about it with him, cause then he will think im a psycho and leave me for sure so that's not an option.....please help me

Former Member

Mmmmm every 3 weeks or so and lasts for a few day i think u are suffering maybe from pms, pre menstual syndrome what u get just b4 your period, that can make u feel very tearful emotional make u feel ugly fat and disgusting, i would maybe talk to your gp or go in a health food shop and get some supplements, goodluck i get pms its got worse as i have got older i don't get as bad as u but i do get emotional and feel horrible x

Former Member

see i thought it mite be that aswell, but the thoughts r there all the time, and i do get upset all the time, but it all builds up over the month and then i spend a week in my room crying. and the thing is im no where near my period, i also thought it mite be the pill thats causing my hormones and emotions to go mad, but when i think about it, i wasnt like this before, iv been on the pill for 6 years. i had a few bad experiences with guys over the past 2 years tho, and i pretty much always expect the worst in a relationship, even tho i know iv probably got the best thing i could ever ask for, a friend who i love and trust 100% who makes me happy, who i enjoy being with...i know all this! and i know he feels pretty similar....(dunno about the love part tho :P) but the thing is.....i know all this....yet still cant get over the feeling its all going to go wrong very soon....its a feeling in my gut, i feel sick and cant eat the only way i can describe it is a feeling of fear and terror of anything going wrong....

Former Member

Well is seems like like u have thought about what could be making u feel like this and can't figure it out, so i honestly think u should go to your gp and tell him/her how u are feeling they should be able to help u and u should never feel embarrassed about going to your doctors thats what they are there for to help u, they might suggest someone who u can talk to or even a mild prescription to help even your feelings out i don't really know, i hope u do go and get some answers goodluck x

Former Member

definately agree with flowergirl, see your gp, sounds like you might have anxiety, i have a friend who went thru this and what your describing sounds very similiar to what happened to her. She saw a gp who recommended come counselling and she slowly got better.

Good luck hun xoxo

Former Member

thanx for the advice....i think i mite see my GP...although i would much rather try and get through this on my own without the professional help. i think i need to learn not to get in this mess, i just need to tell myself that really, everything is fine, and im worrying over nothing, cause the truth is, my relationship is fine, he shows an interest in me, he phones and txts, looks out for me, hes very affectionate, he makes me laugh so much....just i pick up on tiny things like him being quiet....then i jump to the conclusion that i have done something wrong and hes going to leave me
but like i sed, i think i need to just keep telling myself that im being silly....and everything is fine :P

Alex

Former Member

Goodluck. don't be scared of getting proffesional help sometimes its good to have help u don't need to do it yourself x

Former Member

Hi alex490,

Welcome to the forums! It is nice to have such an honest first post.

What you are going through is very tough. You say you have nothing to be unhappy about, that you are very happy with your boyfriend and things are going well. You repeated to yourself many times that it is a great relationship and he is amazing with you. Perhaps you are putting too much pressure on yourself. You feel too "happy" that you are too scared of losing this happiness - which can quickly turn into unhappiness by making yourself so worried. This is a hard cycle to get out of and perhaps you need to enjoy the relationship without making yourself feel guilty about being worried or dreading that things might go wrong.

You also seem to suffer from low-self esteem;

i find reasons in my head for him to leave me, maybe he thinks im fat or ugly, maybe hes getting bored blah blah blah....

and occasionally feel insecure in this relationship:

if hes slightly quiet one morning, even tho he is still full of hugs n kisses, i still get it in my head that something is wrong.

This isn't to say that everything you feel is due to insecurity, however there is a part of yourself that still feels unsure about his feelings towards you. Saying I love you is an important part of feeling secure in a relationship and perhaps once he says this it will help your anxiety?

You did say you did not want to communicate this to him, however if you cry a lot about this and he sees you perhaps speaking to him about how you feel at times might help the relationship.

Finally if you do want to speak to a professional about this anonymously, perhaps call SANEline and speak to someone who can help with the anxiety and depression that you are currently going through.

Hope this helps, please do not hesitate to keep posting,
Good luck x