Urgent advice re potential f-buddy

Former Member

Ok guys, I need some serious advice from people I don't know!

I like this guy, he likes me but he's made it clear he's not able to commit to a relationship with anyone but he wouldn't be averse to us sleeping together. I really, really want to because I fancy him like crazy but I'm worried about my own feelings. I really like him and I would want a relationship and I'm terrified that I would get myself into this hoping that I would be able to change his mind and then end up hurt.

What do you guys think??

GB xx

Former Member

Depends on you. Nobody really knows how good you are to seperate your love from your lust, but let me have a guess: You are not good at it, so stay clear.

Yea, it's the opposite of what your libido tells you, so do what you think is right, but I am pretty sure you won't like it, if he doesn't change his mind, which I think he won't.

Former Member

YOu want different things so it isn't worth it.

Former Member

Only you can know how well you're going to be able to cope with this. Imagine yourself in a situation where he comes round, you fuck, then he gets dressed and goes home, no kisses or cuddles, no affection.

It sounds like you wont be able to cope with it very as you've come on here to ask for advice. I wouldnt if i were you

Former Member

Thanks guys. You are all right - I know you are - but I just don't know if I can say no...will have to do some serious thinking!!

GB xx

Former Member

Sometimes I think, it´s better to regret something you did, that something you didn´t do.
But in this case, I don´t think he will change his mind, and perhaps you want to be with him just in case he decides to change and be in a real relationship with you.

But if you want to try, give him time for a chance to reconsider his thought.

Former Member

i think it will fuck with your brain if you think you want more.
I really would try and avoid it

Former Member

Thanks for the continuing advice...I actually slept with him a couple of days ago...it was my first time...on his office floor...yikes...I feel weird about it and yet I really want to do it again (even though it was not the most pleasurable of experiences!)

GB x

Former Member

At first it's fine, but you usually start soon to demand more when the physical gratification is not enough anymore. Then you are in a tricky position, because walking off like that means waiving something your body likes and tells you to get more of. But it keeps you constantly remembering that you want more. And everything what we really want and can't get, makes us feel really shitty.

So either "go with the flow", have your quick fix and probably regret it later, or have the foresight and relinquish something for the greater good.

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

At first it's fine, but you usually start soon to demand more when the physical gratification is not enough anymore. Then you are in a tricky position, because walking off like that means waiving something your body likes and tells you to get more of. But it keeps you constantly remembering that you want more. And everything what we really want and can't get, makes us feel really shitty.

So either "go with the flow", have your quick fix and probably regret it later, or have the foresight and relinquish something for the greater good.

Very true and I'm feeling it already. I'm desperate for him to text him and I'm in danger of becoming a text stalker myself!!

Former Member

Gingerbelle wrote: »

Very true and I'm feeling it already. I'm desperate for him to text him and I'm in danger of becoming a text stalker myself!!

Best cure is to take your mind off it by distraction. Study, cook, tidy your flat etc all works. Best is still meeting other people however. A friend, your family, stuff like that.

Former Member

Break it off with him. When you can't have someone, you want them more. It'll mess with your head, and you'll end up getting hurt. If you could separate feelings from sex, I'd be all for it... but you've admitted that you can't. This won't end well.

Do yourself a favour and try to find someone who wants you as much as you want them.

Former Member

That kinda casual relationship only works when you both are on the same page. You have to be clear about where you stand from the start.

Saying that, sometimes it is worth doing something even if you know it will end badly. Just as you don't look back and wonder.

Only you can make this decision.

Former Member

Gingerbelle wrote: »

Ok guys, I need some serious advice from people I don't know!

I like this guy, he likes me but he's made it clear he's not able to commit to a relationship with anyone but he wouldn't be averse to us sleeping together. I really, really want to because I fancy him like crazy but I'm worried about my own feelings. I really like him and I would want a relationship and I'm terrified that I would get myself into this hoping that I would be able to change his mind and then end up hurt.

What do you guys think??

GB xx

^^ i know exactly how you feel as i was in this situation a few months back..

i would advise you to do watever feels right to you, follow your heart it's the best way

Former Member

EAB_x wrote: »

, follow your heart it's the best way

A nice saying, unfortunately your "heart" speaks on behalf of your desires, not least your libido. And it can fuck you really over, because afterwards it just says, (best imagined in the voice of a 17 year old uneducated half-wit bleached hair bird) "oops lol, well I wanted like a relationship, marriage and kids, but he just used us as a mastubatory aid... Soz. Oh well, I keep aching now for a few weeks or months, but listen to me next time, because I will advice you the same crap again rofl, no hard feelings xoxoxoxo - sincerely your heart."

And the brain says, best imagined as StrubbleS, but with a long white confucius beard and long white sideburns and very small, rotund spectacles, in tailor seat, with an old wooden pipe in his mouth, "Oh well, I told ya. *puffs a bit of white smoke* It's best to think these things through logically, because you know it will hurt like a bitch if you give in to your desires and wishes and not have them answered."

but yea, quotes from facebook groups to make little girls feel understood ("follow your heart.") might be your best bet!

Former Member

Thanks guys...I have a new problem with the same guy now but have posted it in a different thread...God I'm a mess!!

GB xx