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Pregnant Girlfriend - What 2 Do?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
A few months back my g/f told me she was pregnant with my baby. She was on The Pill but had forgotten to take it a couple of times. I must confess that I was aware of this fact and still had unprotected sex with her - stupid I know now! Anyway, I tried to get my head around the idea of being a dad but I couldnt so I told her I didnt want the baby & I tried to talk her in2 havin an abortion. She decided 2 keep the baby so a few weeks l8er I split up with her cos I dont want 2 b tied down 4 the next 18yrs of my life (we're both 19!) cos I want to be free 2 travel the world when I finish Uni and I want 2 live a little b4 I settle down & start a family.

Since splittin with her we've met up a couple of times 4 a drink & a chat (& ended up in bed 2gether!). I still love her & I want to b with her so much but Im not ready for the responsibility/commitment of lookin afta a baby.

As I c it I can either try & get back 2gether with her & try & accept the baby & make a go of things or I can just b friends with her (& stop sleepin with her) & c the baby occassionally. I live away @ Uni 4 most of the year so either way I'm not goin 2 c either of them a lot - 1 w/end every 2 months & on Uni holidays if I get back with her or just for a bit of the Uni holidays if I don't.

I've been thinkin about this so much & I still don't have a clue what to do. Any 'solutions', advice or opinions would be gr8ly appreciated.

Thanks for your help
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont think its fair on her if you get back with her an only see her occasionally...think with your head not your heart :)

    As for the baby im sorry but you knew you was having unprotected sex with her...if your responsible enough to be having sex your responisble enough to look after your kiddy :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Since splittin with her we've met up a couple of times 4 a drink & a chat (& ended up in bed 2gether!). I still love her & I want to b with her so much but Im not ready for the responsibility/commitment of lookin afta a baby.

    Well i dont want to sound harsh but i think that its stupid to leave her just cos shes pregnant. You still love her and would still be with her if she wasnt pregnant. The baby is just as much your responsibilty as hers. I can understand that you feel that you are too young to be tied down, but is it really fair to leave it all to her? She will need your support as much as she can, and if you really do love her then you'll be there for her at the time she needs you the most
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am not going to say uni is not important as i know it is but can you take a year out (paternity leave) can you delay it and in a year go back to the second year. this baby should be important to you and you should not of use the ultimatum of abortion or relationship you were big enough to have sex be big enough take responsibility anf support your girlfriend. Only yesterday you were going on about sex in the bath. :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just want to make it clear that I didn't offer her an ultimatum. She made her decision (not knowin that I'd split with her if she kept the baby) and then I made my decision. Not that it really has any bearing on the situation now!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by CossieT25
    I just want to make it clear that I didn't offer her an ultimatum. She made her decision (not knowin that I'd split with her if she kept the baby) and then I made my decision. Not that it really has any bearing on the situation now!

    Exactly thats worse she didnt do as you said so you dumped her oh thats lovely. You want her to have an abortion she doesnt you dump her :rolleyes: thats not an ultimatum :rolleyes:

    Ok its not but you dumped her because your demands did not work. :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didn't demand anything off her, I simply asked her and tried to persuade her. Anyway I think we r straying from the point of my post. I'm desperate for advice and opinions on my sitaution.

    Thank you
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you want to get back with her? Do you love her and all that?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We are offering you advice...bascially you should have thought about it first.

    *You want your ex...with that your going to get a baby simple as that....you upto that? If not i suggest you dont have her as a girlfriend.

    *Your at uni...i presume she aint. How are you going to find QUALITY time with her? Is that fair on her to have a part time bf?

    *Do you want to be in your babies life? No you may not be upto it but how will you know if you dont try?

    Just think about them points ok? :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well i'm sorry you may still feel young but now you have some growing up to do, weather you like it or not your Ex/girl friend is having your baby and you can't do a thing about it

    you got to think for you and the baby now, It be really scumy thing to do if you leave her now, even though the Pregnancy was not your fault its happened/happing now and you have to live with it

    Face up it and stop thinking about your own needs, you going to be a dad. Don't let this poor girl be another in a long line of single mums!

    If you love her marry her or something, you have already "knocked her up".

    I do feel very sorry for you, this was something that wasn't meant to happen but has. Its going to be very scary for you and your gf but at least you can do it together.

    Or on the other hand if your gf wants to have the baby but she not ready to keep it there is always Adoption and it may give the baby a better life with people that are ready to give the child all it needs.

    Sorry to moan at you, you must be scared to death
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Harmless
    even though the Pregnancy was not your fault

    Whose was it then...the storks?! :rolleyes: :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you used a fucking condom none of this would've happened.....:rolleyes:

    Even if you aren't an active father to the kid, you should still pay maintenance.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So you're not ready for the responsibility huh? How about her? She doesn't have a choice in the matter. Its both your faults and you both have to take responsibility. Grow up.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by LacyMay2k


    Whose was it then...the storks?! :rolleyes: :p

    Well it’s her fault for not taking the Pill, how can she let that slip her mind!! ;)

    Joking

    She doesn't have a choice in the matter

    Not Entirely true is that statement, She has a few choice Available to her, she chosen not to take them.

    Its more the man who doesn't have a say in the matter, and that's the sad fact

    It may take two to tango but it take her to keep the baby or have it Aborted, how fair is that?,and where might the man's right be then? Woman can have a baby aborted and there is nothing the bloke can do.

    I know this is off subject and should be in politics but its something that crops to my mind always when I hear about it takes two to tango and how woman don't have a choice in the matter
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you have a responsibility to that child. period.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You seem to just be a selfish person 'I love her but I can't be with her if she has a baby' ...well grow up or leave her alone.

    Chances are you'll have to make payments to the mother anyway so you are going to be saddled with this until he/she is 18 and if you don't keep in touch then you'll be waiting for that knock on the door and the 'why didn't you want me' questions.

    My advice?....find some joy in this situation - afterall you created it. YES YOU DID! and you are making it worse for all concerned by being so unprepared for other people's choices.

    This child is going to look like you, it's going to be a living walking thinking part of you and it will need advice. It may even teach YOU something. This isn't about 'having a baby' its about being a parent and even if you don't stay with the girl it is still your flesh and blood, your responsibility.

    If you want to walk away do it completely and stop messing this poor girl about. She has made a decision that she is happy with.

    But... I think you would be very stupid to walk away from this wonderful, though hard, responsibility.
    You may not have wanted a child but accept that you did nothing to stop it happening and that you owe it to this person to be a good guiding light in the future, not a chicken shit shirker.

    Do I sound harsh? Maybe - but this is HAPPENING TO YOU and you have to grow up.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if she forgot to take the pill and he knew, then it's just as much his fault as it is hers. i forget sometimes too. i am on the go all day and it just slips my mind. but if it does, no sex.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with lizafins it is really difficult to remember it all of the time. he knew it is as much his fault. :rolleyes:

    we are giving youadvise take it or leave it. whether you like to admitt it it is your fault and you have very little choice like byny said you have been stupid accept advise and shut up as you are being selfish to your ex and the baby :mad:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    should have thought about it

    i don't think your taking this seriously, before you even could of had sex that night, didn't you ever talk about what would happen if she did fall pregnant, i've asked my ex that and we talked about what would happen, i told him i would have an abortion, and suprisinly he told me he wouldn't feel right with that so we always use double protection to make sure this don't happen in the first place.
    talk about what you'd expect in the future, you might be suprised what you could here, but what would i know!

    good luck!

    rolleyes: xamandax:rolleyes: :
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that whatever decision you take, whether you want to be with her in a relationship or whether you decide that you do not want to be with her you still cannot change the fact that you are going to be a dad now, so whatever you decide just make sure you keep your son/daughter in your life and that whatever road you chose make sure your son/daughter is not cut out of your life.

    If you are uncertain whether you want to be with her or not it's best to remain friends until you make up your mind. don't get back with her just for the baby's sake.

    I know a particular case of a couple who have a daughter who is now 29yrs old..the parents are not together and haven't been together since the girl was a child. The dad is a heavy party animal and the mother, she's ok. The girl has still grown up to be a great person because her mum raised her well and she also learnt from her dad's mistakes to be strong and to become a woman of integrity.

    Being a dad is a great and wonderful experience and I believe that everything happens for a reason....you can still go on with your life and do all the great things you want to do, you can still have a relationship with someone else. Just remember to be there for your son and don't exclude him from your life..whatever road u decide to take.

    Good luck,
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    U sad, pathetic, muppet, ignorant twatty bullshit fcuked up excuse 4 a man, imagin how ur kids guna feel wen he gets older nd realises he dad dont wan 2 kno him -ur fcuked up!!!!19 aint that young jus a stupid excuse
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by gotnoname
    U sad, pathetic, muppet, ignorant twatty bullshit fcuked up excuse 4 a man, imagin how ur kids guna feel wen he gets older nd realises he dad dont wan 2 kno him -ur fcuked up!!!!19 aint that young jus a stupid excuse

    STFU, stupid girl.
    Although it takes 2 to tango, I've always thought it severely unfair that the man gets NO say whatsoever in what happens.
    If the woman chooses to have an abortion, but he wants a kid then he has no power. If she keeps it, and he wants nothing to do with it then he has to pay for it.

    I disagree with him leading her on by continuing to meet up with her, I think he should decide once and for all what he wants to do. But whatever happens, the CSA are going to have their claws in him for 18 years.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i say you should stay with her. you love her, your just scared and worried about having the baby. believe me its hard at first but it gets easier, it'll all be worth while in the end. i know loads of people who have had children younger than you and they've coped perfectly well and still stayed with the baby's dad.
    if you stay together then your sharing the amount of work it takes to bring up a child, so can you imagine how hard it would be for her if you just left her and dumped all this on her.
    like everyone has being saying, you helped make this happen so take the responsability.
    make a wise decision now(and stick with it), then at least this girl can plan her future with this baby properly.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Whowhere


    STFU, stupid girl.
    Although it takes 2 to tango, I've always thought it severely unfair that the man gets NO say whatsoever in what happens.
    If the woman chooses to have an abortion, but he wants a kid then he has no power. If she keeps it, and he wants nothing to do with it then he has to pay for it.



    Well, if she decides to keep it and he wants nothing to do with it then i think it is legitimate that he has to pay for it. Judging from your post, you might need to be enlightened on the fact that being a working mother is very hard especially when the kid is still a child. Since it takes two to tango, as you also state so yourself then I guess that if she is going to be the only person of the two who is gonna b responsible for the child then i gather that some financial support from the father is nothing but legitimate. It takes two to tango and they should be in it together. If he is not going to be there to help raise the child then he should at least give out some financial help, since he also has helped make the baby. If you are a little bit humain you will not find this too hard to understand.

    and secondly, men cannot ever begin to even imagine what it means to carry a child in our womb. That is why perhaps women somtimes take the liberty of taking a decision such as abortion without consulting him. It's true that it takes two to tango but I think that us, as women have to bear much more. Also men get away with most things and women get labelled so quickly, that's another reason why maybe us women take the liberty of abortion without consulting him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok, for a start i aint a girl, im a guy AND why the fuck r u all givin this stupid fool sympathy?!?!? Ok so it aint fair that the guy has no say in whether 2 keep the child or not but it is fair that his g/f or whoever the fuck she is has got 2 raise a baby on her own yeh? NO. grow the fuck up
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you knew shed missed a few pills. just because you have a baby doesnt mean you cant do the things you want to do, it just means that some of them may need to be postponed for a while. Its not the end of the world. WHatever happens you are going to have to pay for this child so you might as well make the most of it and get involved. youll probably be surprised how much you care about it once its born, being that its your own flesh and blood.
    theres both advantages and disadvantages to having your kids young. one of the advantages is that youll still be young when the kids a bit older and more independent. your only 19 so when the kids at school youll still only be 24 or 25. having a baby doesnt end your life. you can still go out and stuff and a lot of people go travelling with kids etc. it just means things take more planning. Ive got a little boy and its just so rewarding, yes i wish i could go out more, and its certainly hard work, but im still me and ive still got my own life. I think you owe it to your ex and your baby to try and make it work, or at least keep a good friendship and try and be involved with the baby, because I think youll regret it if you dont.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You got yourself into this mess. You have to get yourself sorted out.

    You're going to be a father, which means you should, in my humble opinion, accept it and do your best for the baby. Leave the uni you're at, moce home so you can be near your child and take it from there.

    You can't just forget all about it. Plus, when the baby is born you may feel differently, once you see it and all that.

    It is your (ex) girlfriend I feel sorry for,
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by gotnoname
    Ok, for a start i aint a girl, im a guy AND why the fuck r u all givin this stupid fool sympathy?!?!? Ok so it aint fair that the guy has no say in whether 2 keep the child or not but it is fair that his g/f or whoever the fuck she is has got 2 raise a baby on her own yeh? NO. grow the fuck up

    Stop being abusive to other posters. You can put your point over perfectly well without being insulting.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Specifically to CossieT25,not everyone else's replies

    Ok you seem really outraged that your ex wouldn't have n abortion but to be honest have you ever thought a tiny bit wot it would be like????

    You are asking her to have a piece of her own flesh and blood cut out of her!!!
    Ok this might not be wot you want but would you be jumping at the chance to be castrated if she DEMANDED it! No I think you wouldn't.
    You seem to think that abortion is something to be taken lightly, YES it happens everyday, YES you can have it but have you really thought about the emotional consequences, I think not for her, the pain will be with her everyday of her life, when she wakes up in the morning and say sees a child in the street knowing that a part of her could now be in the world but for one decision that she could regret for the rest of her life, she has lost that.

    She's hardly being selfish which is wot ur implying, there are many ppl in the world who would give both their legs just to have a child of thier own and all you can think about is youself, are you going to be carrying a child for 9 months, have to put up with leaking breasts, the swelling, stretch marks, swollen ankles, PERMENANTLY screwed up digestive system, from which blood will constantly flow....NO!!!!!!!!!
    Why can't you support her in her hours of need, this is as much her problem as it is yours but you've gotta face up to it, she has to, UNLIKE YOU SHE CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM THIS!

    Having read back Rainbow Brite's I totally agree
    just because you have a baby doesnt mean you cant do the things you want to do, it just means that some of them may need to be postponed for a while. Its not the end of the world.
    Your gonna have to work together on this, leaving Uni could be extreme but maybe you should try to transfer to a closer uni, and take a sabatical year.

    Also like Bumblebee says
    when the baby is born you may feel differently, once you see it and all that.
    Think to the future, this baby has no choice in the matter, as the parent you have to make the choices and live with them
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Specifically to CossieT25,not everyone else's replies

    Some pretty good advice from Chopper girl there.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Specifically to CossieT25,not everyone else's replies
    Originally posted by chopper_girl
    PERMENANTLY screwed up digestive system, from which blood will constantly flow....


    eh?????? whats that from?
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