Seeing a girl that's going to uni soon, can any good come from this?

Former Member

So, I've recently started seeing a girl - we're really into each other but she's going away to uni within the next month or so. We've discussed it and agreed it'd kinda be awkward but (possibly) workable, and I think that she'd maybe like to meet different people when she gets there.

I'll most likely break off all contact when she goes, for both our sakes. The alternative is to stay in touch and get pissed if she gets with anyone, an open relationship which fucking sucks, or just wait around like a lemon.

But I'm wondering if anyone else has been in a similar position, and really, can any good come from it? I know circumstances change, we may miss each other and we'll try and make the long term thing work, she may not enjoy uni that much, or I could lose my job and need to relocate somewhere (when I bought my house it was a toss up between where I did, and where she's going to uni anyway)... I don't know.

Basically I think what I'm trying to say is I'm so tempted to cut my ties completely, maybe to the extent of trying not to even see her before she goes because I'm falling for her too much, or am I better off just going with it and seeing how it goes?

Ty! :thumb:

Former Member

My brother started seeing his GF around 2 months before they went off to uni. They are still together and he has just finished his second year at uni and about to go into his third. It might have helped that they ended up at the same uni.

However being very honest I have also seen the other side of the coin. There are a lot of relationships, weak ones and strong ones that dont survive university. It is a whole new life with one of the biggest influxes of new people/friends that you get in your life.

Former Member

Many thanks for the reply G, and glad it worked out for them! Although like you said, being at the same university is quite an advantage, and quite different from being a good 2/3 hours away!

I've been thinking about it, and whilst I'm probably losing my self respect or some shit, I'm also thinking if I went along with the whole... umm, I'll see her every so often or until one of us meets someone closer to home things?

It'd probably do me a lot of good in some ways; good practise for a start, gives me an opportunity to visit the city when I see her, would possibly in a weird way help me get over certain hangups/issues I have regarding sometimes getting a bit jealous, and maybe also help me get more into the frame of mind that sometimes just something fun and not too serious can be good too - not everyone I meet has to be someone I want to have a decent potentially long term relationship with (although annoyingly, if she wasn't moving away, I'm almost certain this is what we'd have!)

Plus there's always the chance that (as we both think we may do) just carry on getting on so well that eventually we'll sort something out in the future anyway. But I wouldn't hold my breath for that.

Former Member

If anything, going along with it might make you more jealous, still being connected with her, but so far away.

Former Member

Yeah maybe you're right actually... it's a tricky one... it's not an ideal situation by any means, but I think the benefits probably outweight the negatives, and imo she's definitely worth making the effort for, I think. Hmm

/deluded

Former Member

Just go with your heart, not your head.
If things work out, that's great, if not, at least you tried.

At least that's what I'd do :yes:

Former Member

Thanks purple - you're definitely right, will just see how it goes, I like her so much (and I'm certain the feeling is mutual) so it's worth at least trying to stick with it I guess...!

Former Member

Quick update on this, and probably one of the weirdest things to ever be asked on here:

The girl is amazing, and the time we spend together is genuinely the one thing I look forward to more than anything else right now by far, so when we're apart I constantly think about her, and how much I miss her... for a few days, then for whatever reason (I think due to my shockingly bad attention span and memory) I just get 'meh' and don't care so much any more, almost like I've forgot what she means to me.

I know that'll sound terrible, but it does seem I'm in some kind of vicious circle - we're going to be seeing each other most weeks, but if we go 3 or even more weeks apart god knows how I'll feel.

It actually doesn't bother *me* too much personally, but if she felt the same I'd be pretty worried as I figured it wouldn't take an awful lot for her to want to find someone else. Is this usual in LDRs (and I should be worried) or am I just weird?

Former Member

what makes you think she will find someone else just because she's going away to uni? dont start by thinking it wont work, just give it a go free from assumptions

you never know where life will take you