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It's better to have loved and lost?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I know this is a bit relationshippy, but I think it's a very debatable topic, and one I'd like to hear your thoughts about so I'm posting it here.

My mother recently said to me, 'it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all' (yes, I know :banghead:) - but is it? Really? Does having your heart broken really make you a more well rounded person? Are you ever better off for it?

I can think of a few beautiful sonnets that would never have been written were it not for heart ache, and I'm sure others will be able to site music and art to me similarly, but would it have been better had the creators never experienced such pain? I think of this, for example; my favourite sonnet which has moved me since I first read it a number of years ago, but even now I think I would rather that the writer had never gone through what he did than have left this in his legacy - certainly occurs to him.

I think that relationships resulting in children, it must always have been worth it, but I really don't know otherwise. What are your experiences? Any thoughts?
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Id rather have good and bad memories, than none at all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    G wrote: »
    Id rather have good and bad memories, than none at all.

    :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    G wrote: »
    Id rather have good and bad memories, than none at all.

    There the only kind you can have!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's not a relationship I've had, long term or short, ended by me or him, that I would've said were worth it in the end, where I can look at the love of the good memories without thinking of the pain of the bad. I suppose it's something we have to do to find that mythical creature, 'the one'.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    G wrote: »
    Id rather have good and bad memories, than none at all.

    agree. it's like in 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind'. ho ho.

    if you dont encounter bad times then how will you learn to appreciate the good times? but i don't believe in 'the one'. geographically everyone would be screwed or on a constant round the world trip.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Most people have been hurt, and in the heat of the moment, I'm sure a lot of them would wipe the memory of an ex, given half the chance.

    However, one day, when I'm old (if I'm lucky enough to reach old age), or even lying on my death bed and contemplating the events of my life, I can say with a relaxed heart that I won't be wishing for less love, or less hurt. I won't be wishing that I had less emotional experiences, and I won't be wishing that I felt less. Pain is an outcome of something important, or something that meant the world to you. If it didn't, it wouldn't hurt.

    At the time, when you're heart is broken, you feel like you're going to die. You feel like you're never going to feel okay ever again, and you sometimes feel like it wasn't worth it. But you live, you get by, you eventually get over it, and then, you learn.

    Life is feeling. Emotions. Connections. Joy, and hurt. Happiness, and despair. You can't have one without the other, because otherwise they'd be indistinguishable.

    I think that the best argument for the justification of pain, is that once you learn what pain really is, you learn what happiness really is.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    However, one day, when I'm old (if I'm lucky enough to reach old age), or even lying on my death bed and contemplating the events of my life, I can say with a relaxed heart that I won't be wishing for less love, or less hurt. I won't be wishing that I had less emotional experiences, and I won't be wishing that I felt less. Pain is an outcome of something important, or something that meant the world to you. If it didn't, it wouldn't hurt.


    potw :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    potw :)

    First off, Oooo! You just broke my POTW nomination cherry. And it didn't even hurt! :d :razz:
    Evenstar wrote: »
    There's not a relationship I've had, long term or short, ended by me or him, that I would've said were worth it in the end, where I can look at the love of the good memories without thinking of the pain of the bad. I suppose it's something we have to do to find that mythical creature, 'the one'.

    I can understand your thinking if you've had these experiences, I truly can. I guess if they've had *any* positive impact on your life (then, or now), then it was somewhat worth it. It some way. Even if that impact was that now you know what men to stay away from, and what you actually want from a relationship?

    I think it's our instinct to try and make the best of situations - to try and make them mean something, just so that we have something to show for them. Most of the time, though, they have some kind of meaning. You can use the bad as a big red siren of what you need to stay away from. Try and learn something from it, I guess.

    I'm not usually this mushy, I swear. Cheap wine gets me drunk faster. I blame the Tesco express near my house, and their two for one deals.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ah, see I didn't just post this because I'm licking my wounds here, I guess I'm just feeling a little - I'm struggling for the word here, philosophical doesn't seem to quite fit. It's just a question I've been pondering lately, at varying levels of severity.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Evenstar wrote: »
    Ah, see I didn't just post this because I'm licking my wounds here, I guess I'm just feeling a little - I'm struggling for the word here, philosophical doesn't seem to quite fit. It's just a question I've been pondering lately, at varying levels of severity.

    Oh, I wasn't suggesting you posted this because you were licking your wounds. Didn't mean to pry, I'm a bit over-analytical. It's just my nature. :lol::blush:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    TintedLens wrote: »
    Oh, I wasn't suggesting you posted this because you were licking your wounds. Didn't mean to pry, I'm a bit over-analytical. It's just my nature. :lol::blush:

    lol not to worry. I always have questions like this floating about that I take out every now and again and have a prod at, I haven't totally made my mind up about it myself! I think your answer was very eloquent :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is an odd one to have in P&D, but it is in the right place. Nice to have a change of pace in here :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    G wrote: »
    This is an odd one to have in P&D, but it is in the right place. Nice to have a change of pace in here :)

    we should have a philosophy board, I have a ton of these :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Evenstar wrote: »
    we should have a philosophy board, I have a ton of these :D

    post more! ponderings are good
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    @clementine: lol ok erm, a debate that's been ongoing with my vegetarian friend for years; her argument being that she doesn't eat meat because it's a loss of life, my argument being (not because I'm totally decided, mostly because I like to play devil's advocate:o) the meat industry brings life to the world which otherwise never would have existed - so isn't that better that it never having existed at all?

    You can argue this out in different scenarios - legnth of life span, quality of life etc, but I still haven't decided on it :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im clementine :p but we do both have a lot of n's in our names!

    ohhh :chin: you mean animals bred solely to provide meat? post it and see what namaste says, it could get interesting
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im clementine :p but we do both have a lot of n's in our names!

    ohhh :chin: you mean animals bred solely to provide meat? post it and see what namaste says, it could get interesting

    nod! should we make a new thread about it? I'm holding out a philosophy board!

    sorry for the naun-naming! in my mind, you're both similar people
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Milk. Wool. Eggs. Etc. Admittedly you wouldn't need as much livestock though.

    And an animal woudn't miss a life it never had, however a life on a farm ending in a painful death is much worse than something it never knew existed.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Grace wrote: »
    Milk. Wool. Eggs. Etc. Admittedly you wouldn't need as much livestock though.

    And an animal woudn't miss a life it never had, however a life on a farm ending in a painful death is much worse than something it never knew existed.

    you're assuming its painful, and you have to balance that against the good things it would experience. Life!
    It's a similar question to the 'loved than lost' in a way, it's all about what you would sacrifice for a pleasurable experience.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Almost everyone gets their hearts broken at least once, most of us will several times. And I do think it's almost a rite of passage, I have friends who have had serious relationships end and others who are yet to fall in love or are yet to be hurt by someone that meant enough to them - and I really do think there is a difference. It's an important learning curve, falling in love is one thing, but having your heart broken and going through all the motions of hurt, despair, healing and eventually getting better is another. It certainly helped me grow up alot, and I'm alot more realistic (some would say cynical) about relationships now but I think it's a good thing. I'm more prepared now. Yes I went through hell when I had my heart broken, but I have so many fond memories of my relationship I wouldn't change it for the world. It's helped me grow in so many ways.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is it better to have spammed and left, than never spammed at all?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is it better to have spammed and left, than never spammed at all?

    haha :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We live, we love...
    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have to say I'd go for the "it's better to have loved and loved than loved and lost, but better to have loved and lost than never loved at all"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    potw :)

    This is very true, from past experience loved and lost has made me stronger :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    TintedLens wrote: »
    However, one day, when I'm old (if I'm lucky enough to reach old age), or even lying on my death bed and contemplating the events of my life, I can say with a relaxed heart that I won't be wishing for less love, or less hurt. I won't be wishing that I had less emotional experiences, and I won't be wishing that I felt less. Pain is an outcome of something important, or something that meant the world to you. If it didn't, it wouldn't hurt.

    This is very true, sorry new to this :confused: ha :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Evenstar wrote: »
    you're assuming its painful, and you have to balance that against the good things it would experience. Life!
    It's a similar question to the 'loved than lost' in a way, it's all about what you would sacrifice for a pleasurable experience.


    The thing is, animals can't reason and they don't choose pain themselves. Thus, you can't put an animal through a painful situation where YOU know it's going to get better using your human logic. The animal has no understanding of it and won't make the connection.

    Animals are much more limited. If they need some kind of operation, you can't explain that what you're going to do to them is going to be painful but that they'll just need to bear it and then they'll be better than new. They will just remember the pain and associate it with the person or situation.

    Not to mention that most of today's farming is in no way a pleasurable existance for slaughter animals. They're kept in small confined areas and often fed what's cheapest for the farmer and/or grows them the quickest. Then they die, that's possibly the biggest blessing of their existence.

    And I agree with the general concensus of the loved and lost debate. For humans we have understanding that certain memories were worth it, even if they hurt us in the end. Same with depression, I had a bad few years and now, several years down the line I still appreciate how that helped me see the world in a new light. There's so much I appreciate all the better for that otherwise horrible experience.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can you veggie lot bog off to another thread? I liked the mushiness of this one as it was.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can you veggie lot bog off to another thread? I liked the mushiness of this one as it was.

    I'm eating a foal tonight so I am slightly offended if you're assuming that I'm a veggie. :razz:
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