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I dnt know what to do.. i feel empty :(

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My boyfriend of almost a year confessed this morning that he kissed another girl.
He was away on a college trip, A girl knocked on his door, pushed him in and started kissing him, he kissed her back. she then took off all her clothes... he says he then pushed her away gave her her clothes and pushed her back out his hotel room door.

Im heartbroken...
I Know it was only a kiss.. but in that split second he kissed her back.
Hes said hes sorry... and that he doesnt know what he was thinking, and that for a split second attraction got the better of him and he wanted to tell me because he didnt want to keep it from me. He said he loves me so much, wants to be with me and that hes sorry.

Basically, what would you do?
And what should I do?

please help asap before i go out of my mind :( x

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have to ask yourself why he was honest, I think if it was truthfully because he thought you deserved to know then thats not so bad. On the otherhand was it because it was becoming aparrant that the cat was soon to be out of the bag (or bin) and he pre-emptively told you to try and save some face?

    How long ago as was this anyway? Tis a shame he let her get as far as getting her kit off before coming to his senses.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No. Nobody knows about it.
    He said it happend so fast, he opened the door, she pushed him in, started kissing him, dropped her dressing gown, started kissing again, he kissed back for a few seconds, then stopped, said he realised what an idiot he had been, Threw her clothes at her and told her to get out. So he pushed her out, closed the door, sat on his bed, cried and text me saying he loves me bla bla bla.
    It happend about 2 days ago. hes been avoiding me for two days... well not avoiding but just short... then he blurted it all out this morning... crying his eyes out begging me not to leave him and telling me how much he loves me, how stupid he is etc..

    what do i do? :crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like he's genuinely sorry to me. It may take a while to forget about this and get back to where you were before but if it was good before, i think its worth giving it another chance.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah. The only reassuring thing is that he told me. Nobody would have ever known and he could have kept it secret. but he told me. Im angry at him for being so stupid to be tempted by it, But im relieved in some ways that he was strong enough to stop himself and push her away. (i know alot of men wouldnt, shes pretty, nice body etc)
    He said as soon as he kissed her, all he saw was my face, Didnt want to do it and regretted it immediatly... And so on.
    Im angry with her. she knew about me, shes invited me out with her etc...
    Theyve been best mates since junior school...How dare she:crying:
    Im just... i feel really.. empty. My mind is blank, and when it's not, all i can see is them kissing in my head. I know its only a kiss, but everytime i kiss him, it will remind me..
    I dont want to loose him, i do love him. I know how easy it is for these things to happen...
    But what i really want to know is.... How do i move forward, without looking like a doormat. I want him to know its the first and last time.
    Any ideas??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Like you said, alot of men wouldnt have admitted it, but he did, showing that he cares about your relationship.

    I think he knows that you're not going to take any shit from him, he didnt do it on purpose so its not like he's trying to deceive you, he's been open and honest about everything. Dont worry about looking like a doormat, the only thing that matters is what you two know is true
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lexi99 wrote: »
    Like you said, alot of men wouldnt have admitted it, but he did, showing that he cares about your relationship.

    I think he knows that you're not going to take any shit from him, he didnt do it on purpose so its not like he's trying to deceive you, he's been open and honest about everything. Dont worry about looking like a doormat, the only thing that matters is what you two know is true

    I know that. I want HIM to know. ive not discussed this with anyone but my mum. Im afraid it will happen again and i want him to... appreciate what hes got, realise hes been a complete idiot, And for him to know i wont be taking this shit again.
    BUT the dilema im faced with now is.. whats the next move, when he told me, i signed off msn (were working a long distance relationship at the moment.) I had an offline message off him saying "Baby im so sorry. I never ever wanted to hurt you and i cant believe what ive done. I was caught in a moment of madness and attraction- it was only a moment. Ive been so stupid and i regret it with every piece of me. I Love you so much, Ive never loved anybody so much, and i always will love you. I hope you dont decide to finish with me... "
    I replied saying something like "i cant believe you could do this to me, the one thing you promised you would never do to me. I honestly believed you aswel. I trusted you and now thats torn. I really dont know what to do. I feel completly empty inside.. And my heart feels like its in pieces"
    so thats where we left it at 8am this morning.
    What next??
    I want to be with him... but ive never been in this sort of situation before. Usually id just leave him. But were good together, really good.
    Help
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hate to be the one that says it, but in my experience from other forums there is often a little more to it than what he originally says - if he did do more he might be hesitant to tell you at the risk of loosing you. I would push him to make sure this is the entire truth before you make big decisions.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Evenstar wrote: »
    I hate to be the one that says it, but in my experience from other forums there is often a little more to it than what he originally says - if he did do more he might be hesitant to tell you at the risk of loosing you. I would push him to make sure this is the entire truth before you make big decisions.

    Ermm nah not likely, Hes a muslim, In a muslim community. Hes given me her her phone number to do what ever i like with...
    and ive never in my life seen him like this... :/
    i do believe him i just need to know what to do next.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    107 views and 8 replied... 8?!?! Jesus people im dying here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its probly mostly guests anyway.

    Just make sure there was nothing else, if he plays the "its unfair you dont trust me card" tell him to get fecked and remind him why the trust might have been lost.

    Once you are sure, then you two should be pretty ok hun :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're sure he's not lying/understating the truth then I think you're overreacting and should just let it go and be glad that you have that level of honesty in your relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    x</3x wrote: »
    Ermm nah not likely, Hes a muslim, In a muslim community.

    Erm .. Muslims have as much sexual desire as non-Muslims so that means nothing. In fact, I was reading an article a few months ago where some prostitutes was being interviewed and on RATIO, they said that more Muslims use their services than any other community.

    Anyway, give him the benefit of the doubt and tell him he has had his first and final chance. Then get on with things ...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Teagan wrote: »
    Erm .. Muslims have as much sexual desire as non-Muslims so that means nothing. In fact, I was reading an article a few months ago where some prostitutes was being interviewed and on RATIO, they said that more Muslims use their services than any other community.

    Anyway, give him the benefit of the doubt and tell him he has had his first and final chance. Then get on with things ...

    No i didnt mean it like that.
    In their culture and society, these are 17 or 18 year old kids, in a school / uni dorm. IF anybody saw, they could both face prosecution or... execution!
    If she were to have sex with him, she would never marry a muslim man, as she wouldnt be a virgin. its different with the men, nobody would ever know if they were or were not virgins. women have to be tested before weddings etc.

    also, they had both just been offered amazing schollarships to the USA... if they had been caught, both of them would loose those schollarships, be kicked out of school, (never get into any other) and would later face charges.
    bit too much of a risk for him to take simply to get his end away.
    I do want to be with him, and im trying to fix it. I just wondered how other people would play it in my position, make him wait or what.
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