I think I ruined my relationship :/

Former Member

I moved in to a shared house with someone I have known for 2 years and we got to know each other really well. Shared interests, personality, we never row or shout at each other and we are basically best friends.

We began a fuck buddy situation for a few months but both decided we were more into each other than that so decided to become exclusive (neither of us was seeing anyone else though. We were with each other ALOT being in the same house).

Now fast forward a bit and I accidently said I loved him. It was on my mind, popped out. But he doesnt love me. Thass cool, I thought to myself. But its not cool, cause he said he doesnt ever see himself loving me.

Now I dont want to ruin a good thing here as hes wonderful and we are amasing (which is what confused and upsets me about him not caring for me like that) but it plays on my mind alot. More and more. I keep going to say it to him or cringing when he does his 'I like you' think when hes being sweet.

We spend alot of time together geeking out and talking and he makes me dinner and I wash up. Real couple type situation shit.

What should I do? Try to get over it (been a few weeks now) or break it off with him and remain friends (would kill me as hes wonderful). Also I have spoken to him about the issue at great length. He doesnt belive you can love until you are 25 or some shit so never has any thing to say besides that sort of thing. I am OK aside from feeling very distant from him since it happened. It doesnt feel the same anymore, not quite the magic it was somehow...

Former Member

If he's actually said he doesn't ever see him loving you it kinda seems like he's taking advantage of a situaton convenient to him. I don't get the point of being exclusive if he doesn't think there's going to be anything and that 25-year-old thing is just plain bullshit.

You've not ruined your relationship, you've more likely uncovered his true intentions.

Former Member

Your situation sounds like what i might be about to start with a person and it leaves a bitter taste

sorry not much help here...

Former Member

Hey, it sounds lilke you two really do get along well which is nice, but i disagree with what Jaloux said about him taking advantage of the situation, sure hes having a good time but hes not decieving you or pretending.

Instead of letting this turn into some big negative event i say you polarize it and write it off as a good relationship that didnt work out, i think you should think about moving house as he clearly doesnt want you to think he will ever love you.

Youve surely learned from this and have experiance from it, but dont chase him or he will keep running, if you want to play the game a little you could cool things off with him a little and see whether he starts making more of an effort or whether he will want you more if you are not around so much?

Good luck either way

Former Member

Well

Thanks for all of tour advice. I will back off a little, let things cool down and just master my feelings best I can. I just wish I didnt have to.

Im not moving out as we are very good friends besides!

StrubbleS - It will be okay if you are sure the friendship is more important than a relationship type situation. But its got to be the most important thing to both of you

Former Member

Well, situation is as followed. (sorry to highjack your thread btw).

Between us is more than enough for three relationships, but she has a boyfriend (open relationship) so she has got the security and daily company covered. Now she needs someone to spend the time with and enjoy herself, which would be me. So she has the best of both worlds, but I, without girlfriend do not have those advantages to fall back on. So what I have is an very intense friendship (since we already had sex, you can say something like a friends with benefits thing), but I'd like to have more, and she would definitely too, if she didn't have her boyfriend.

I guess I'll see where this goes and just be selfish and say I want a bigger piece of the pie too and if she can't give it to me, I can't give anything either and just break this off.

Which is sad, since I've never met anyone quite like her.

But I reckon if you are with someone on one wavelength you can have positive interference and have the most gratifying relationships ever, but this can also work the other way and cause resentment (negative interference).