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How do you make friends after leaving education?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm big time lonely but don't see any way to get a proper regular social life. People told me to relax and give it time but its been more than a year since I finished university. I'm coming to the conclusion that post university life just sucks and I'm doomed to be a hermit. :impissed:
Uni friends - All live at least 3 or 4 hours away.
Pre-uni friends - Have all moved on in some way or another
Work - I temp so not much chance to build up friendships. Also few people my age and many commute long distances to get to work
Clubs, classes, groups - Similar to work really, never met anyone my age here and many of them are prepared to commute a surprisingly long distance just for a club so little chance of hanging out outside the club meetings.
Volunteering - Again its just older people
Church - Again no one my age, no hip young churches in my town.
In town - Tried, shops, cafes, the library. No one really talks to you apart from pushy sales people. If you try talk to other people you are just regarded as a nutcase.
Move - Cant afford to move anywhere let alone a lively city. I would have to go to a homeless shelter or something.
Are there any options I have missed?
Uni friends - All live at least 3 or 4 hours away.
Pre-uni friends - Have all moved on in some way or another
Work - I temp so not much chance to build up friendships. Also few people my age and many commute long distances to get to work
Clubs, classes, groups - Similar to work really, never met anyone my age here and many of them are prepared to commute a surprisingly long distance just for a club so little chance of hanging out outside the club meetings.
Volunteering - Again its just older people
Church - Again no one my age, no hip young churches in my town.
In town - Tried, shops, cafes, the library. No one really talks to you apart from pushy sales people. If you try talk to other people you are just regarded as a nutcase.
Move - Cant afford to move anywhere let alone a lively city. I would have to go to a homeless shelter or something.
Are there any options I have missed?
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Comments
Have you tried salsa class? I found one that was local to me (at the time), and met a few people of my own age. We then started to do things outside of work e.g. fireworks at Guy Fawkes. Eventually, I moved a few miles away so I had to drop the salsa class. It was great while it lasted though.
Although you're temping, are you looking for permanent work? I found that also a way of making a few permanent friends. My company folded last year, but I still hung onto two friends who I consider to be good friends e.g. meeting them once a week.
If you're into a hobby, you should try searching the net for a forum, preferably a UK forum. I did this with clubbing, and before long, I was arranging meet-ups at Birmingham clubs. The forum lasted until recently and now it's gone. I think it's because most online communities are migrating to Facebook/Myspace. I don't have any such accounts though, just Faceparty. Don't bother with Faceparty though - I had a few scammers attempt the "travel-and-visa" scam on me thru that site.
You mentioned volunteering as one way you could meet new people. I know that volunteering is quite often perceived as being for older people, but nowadays there are loads of brilliant opportunities for young people. Have you ever used www.do-it.org.uk or www.vinspired.com to find an opportunity? You can search by postcode and on vinspired.com you can choose opportunities which are with other young people as it's specifically designed for 16-25 yr olds.
I have been volunteering one evening a week for over 2 years now and have met some great friends my age, so its definitely worth a look
Good luck and let us know how you get on,
Laura
Agreed, but there is nothing to stop you inviting some of your co-workers out for a drink after work whilst you are temping, if you are temping in the same area as you live then it might well be a good way to make friends and keep that friendship going after you finish temping for the company
Hi,
I am not sure what or where abouts you live, but you could try something like Citysocilising which caters for a lot of the major cities around the world.
You would have to buy a subscription I think about 13.00.
Hope it helps...
The thing is people seem to do the most ridiculous commutes to work these days. Many of these people have a 2 hour commute home so they don't want to stay out late. Others need to be back for the kids and stuff.
Thanks for the advice in general guys. I would like to do some volunteering but as I cant afford a car (ironically this was the one thing I looked forward to after uni) I am very limited in where I can travel. I get the train to work and cant really pay for both getting the train and running a car.
I think a lot of the problem is that my local area is such a craphole. Its really quiet, few people my age and no one talks to their neighbors. I really wish I could move.
I did a search with my postcode but did not find anyone :crying:
Hi JanePerson,
Just wanted to let you know that if you volunteer your travel expenses should be paid by the organisation that you volunteer for. So if you got the train to wherever you volunteer this will be reimbursed. Its definitely worth double checking this when you apply for a role, but it is good practice and most organisations do pay so you wouldn't be out of pocket.
Hopefully this will help,
Laura
The problem is that the places I want to volunteer at (the ones with other people my age) are in places where there isn't really any suitable public transport anyway. I would not mind spending a bit of money on bus fairs if it would help me to get out more but there are only 2 good bus routes in my town and neither cover those areas. It would be a 2 hour walk each way.
What's that to do with Jane's query?
I left school at 16, and started an apprenticeship thinking that this was the best career option getting an education at the same time as working experience. Now although i did well at college and passed my course with good grades - the course i did was male orientated, and they were considerably older than me, so my social life from college was non-existent.
As my friends from school had all gone to full time college and uni - we lost touch, and so i found myself working and studying with no friends to speak of.
Now i spent 13 years in the same place of employment with a great set of guys, but due to my being female it wasnt possible to meet up outside of work.
I have fairly recently changed jobs hoping that a new job would give me better job prospects and hopefully some friends, but this hasnt worked in that it is only a very small company, and with being so busy I never have time to talk to anyone.
I have a daughter who i absolutely love to pieces and a partner who is great- but has to work long hours, and so the option of getting out to join a club or meet people outside of the house isn't really an option.
I love my daughter too much to leave her for the evening to go out for a start.
Are there any options?
Is there anything you can do together? Maybe stuff like going swimming? My mum made some friends at swimming when we used to go.
Look for flats adverstising for flatmates or a houseshare- a couple of mates already!
I would do that if I didn't have the other half.
Human company is something that we often take for granted but its so important to our happiness.
I have a set of friends but I don't feel that they understand me and are like me in any way. I lost my real friends when I moved away , like you, to uni about 7 years ago(phew) now.
Good luck and I wish you all the best, you owe it to yourself. Look at ways you can move to the city, do it today and nothing is impossible.:d
Not sure about some of the details of this plan. How do I work out if a place is a good place to live and have a social life. On paper my home town sounds fine but in reality its a really unfriendly place. Not really sure how I can go about looking into this.
As you've given yourself a year to save up, you've got a good period in which to weigh up your options carefully before you make any decisions on where to move. I know from your other thread that you recently met up with some uni friends; maybe you could have a chat with them and see how they feel about the places they live? There's no substitute for talking to residents of a city when it comes to finding out about what it's really like to live there - ask them to be honest and make your decision from there.
:yes: What Youwantromance? said above is true and is worth bearing in mind when making your decision about where to move. Going somewhere where you know a couple of people can make settling in a whole lot easier as you'll have people to socialise with whilst you begin to build up a new circle of friends.
Finally, check out this advice on how to choose where to live, it might help you with your decisions.
Good luck with your plans JanePerson, it sounds as though you're doing the right thing in planning for the future so do keep posting to let us know how you're getting on!
Cat x
I found moving to a new town is a bit scary yet also it feels like a new start. Whilst the prospect of moving where you don't know anyone is a bit strange, I thought of it as "where I used to live I knew no one in my town and only a few people in other towns", so from that respect you wouldn't be socially worse off in the new place. In fact, you have a chance to start a-fresh and get to know people which I see as a bonus!
I have rented a room in a shared house, where everyone is of a similar age and in a similar stage of their life (ie recent graduates in their first jobs) so I know these people now. Hopefully in time, I will meet others, such as in work and maybe I may join a club or too in the town.
As for renting a place, I recommend you initially find a place you can rent on a short term- such as an Assured Shorthold Tenancy. If you want it only for a few months, that's allowed, yet if you want to stay longer, you can. At least this way you can easily escape if you find the new town really miserable!
I hope this helps you, and I haven't just waffled on about irrelevant stuff!ha ha
Other than accomodation is there anything else it would be good to look up, job oppertunities, data on the age mix of the place, public transport, what social activities are on offer, etc.
:yes: all of those things!
other than that I think the list you had is a good one :yes:
I guess its damned if you do, damned if you don't.
No one ever talks to me in bars. Unless they are drunk and coming on to me. I've tried going to social nights, getting a drink, trying to look friendly and approachable but no one talks to me