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Bit stuck after breakup with ex-boyfriend

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
First off, I hope everyone's okay on here and life is treating you well.

I'm 23 and still recovering from a short-term relationship with my first boyfriend AND AT THE SAME TIME recovering from an operation on my ankle. (phew).

We got together around two months ago and shortly after I went in for my operation. My boyfriend was a tower of strength and support during this time. This makes me admire him even more when I think about it. The main trouble around this relationship was that he openly suffers from clinical depression which he previously told may or may not be from the break-up of a past girlfriend from several years ago. Despite being together for a very relatively short time, he broke off the relationship telling me he felt unable to emotionally commit. This I fully understood and commended him for doing so. I understand that he is unable to commit to me if he is still feeling for this person.

The main problem is I really found a connection with my ex even before we got together which I seriously feel that I'm losing the grip of. He is adamant that he still wants to stay very close friends with me. However, I have broken down in front of him in public which is putting a strain on the friendship in my opinion. I desperately don't want to let go of this person and frightened of losing him. It is physically hurting me now and is emerging as a painful ache in my chest and head. It may be that I still have feelings for him but I don't want to get back with him unless he has him depression under more control.

As you see, I am pretty screwed up over here. :D I guess I need some advice from my peers about this situation before it makes me feel any worse.

Thanks in advance!


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there b1naryg1rl,

    Welcome to the boards :wave:

    Sounds like there's quite a bit on your plate at the moment.

    It's great that you are thinking so clearly about the situation with your ex - and that you understand why things ended when they did. However, despite this, you might still need more time to get over him - particularly as you are in a vulnerable place right now. Ex partners can build strong friendships but sometimes, after the end of a relationship, people often do need a bit of a break from each other before starting to rebuild a friendship. Perhaps giving yourself some time apart, or at least some time where you focus on you, getting over this relationship and thinking about other people who can also support you, would help you to regain your strength as an individual so you can enter this friendship on equal terms.

    Being inactive and recovering from an operation must make things harder - lots of time to think about the situation with your ex. Perhaps finding some things to keep your mind busy while you're waiting for your ankle to heal might help distract you. Virtual volunteering, or learning something new are a couple of possibilities.

    Hope you're feeling a bit better today and let us know how you get on :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree, you need to have some time apart from him. That way your feelings for him will subside and you may be able to move on and find someone else. Therefore, when you come to wanting to be friends again it will be more manageable. The more you see of him right now the more it's going to hurt because all you'll want is to be with him and will miss the physical side of the relationship which you just can't have as friends. You need to get used to the idea of it being nothing more than a friendship first. It's not going to be easy but I hope you manage it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey guys!

    Thanks for everyone's kind words. Things are okay but still a little awkward. We are talking to each other much less now which is helping with the feelings, but it still stings when I see a photo of him or hear that's he's had another one of his depressive slumps.

    I just want him to be happy at the end of the day. :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    b1naryg1rl wrote: »
    I just want him to be happy at the end of the day. :/

    Don't forget YOUR own happiness, hun. You didn't do anything wrong and you're no good to anyone, let alone yourself, if you are going to linger in depression. Avoid him for a while. Things will get better. 200 000 years of human evolution and broken hearts says it will. *hugs* *hug*
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