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Fat?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been going out with my boyfriend a year now. Last night he said i was fat. i usually have people telling me im quite slim. i am a size 12 and for my height im underweight. although i do have a roundish belly. im going on holiday with my boyfriend in a month, and i am now worried about wearing a bikini. Why has he after a year said that im fat when i have lost weight not put any on.

i would like to get rid of the excess fat around my stomach so what should i do for this?

My boyfriend goes gym and i think this argument arose because he is planning for going a few hours EVERY night. personally i do not think this is sensible and he is over exerting himself. ok he is not doing anything else apart from see me, but when he joined the gym he said that he is not a fitness freak but he is bein sensible by doing an hour every other night as this is best for him. i just merely explained that it would be bad for him and would be more likely to make him unhealthy rather than fit.

Just because i said that i didnt like the idea of a gym he called me a 'fat pig'. :(

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That is a really fucking horrible thing for someone to say, especially to their girlfriend/boyfriend.

    I suggest that you tell him just how much he's hurt you by saying it. At the end of the day if he thinks you need to lose weight he should tell you gently, not by calling you a "fat pig".

    Going to the gym every night doesn't necessarily mean that he'll over do it, as long as he's careful, but it sounds to me like he has become a fitness fanatic.

    Maybe you should look into what's causing him to do this - it sounds to me like your boyfriend is very insecure about his own appearance, so maybe he is taking some of that out on you.

    Whatever happens, don't stand for it. No-one deserves to be insulted like that.

    CD
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As CD said explain how much that comment hurt you!

    It could have been a heat of the moment comment and he might not have meant it.

    I think he maybe going down he gym alot because he perhaps see's it as a way of socialising? You said he never does anything apart from see you and the gym!

    Have a chat with him about the comment and why he wants to go to the gym so often now?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by novakovino
    As CD said explain how much that comment hurt you!

    It could have been a heat of the moment comment and he might not have meant it.

    I think he maybe going down he gym alot because he perhaps see's it as a way of socialising? You said he never does anything apart from see you and the gym!

    Have a chat with him about the comment and why he wants to go to the gym so often now?

    He is going to the gym so often now because he said he'd only be seeing me so he may as well go gym as it gets him fit although he is too much underweight anyway. he refs every weekend and i think going to the gym three times a week is enough.

    I had an argument last week and he made me feel so guilty that i have been seeing my best mate so much recently (while he is at the gym) i have no mates at sixth form and my mate goes to a different college to me so i have no chice but to see her out of school. But he sees his mates all day because he works with them, he plays table tennis with them at lunch and goes gym everynight after work with them too. so now i feel bad that i see my mate when i shouldnt and he sees his all the time and when i mention tyhe fact he is at the gym everynight he has a go and says im an overprotective cow and i should go too so that i can loose weight.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    DEVIL You seem like a really nice girl to me:)

    Have you ask yourself if your bf making you feel good about yourself more then he upset you?

    I know every relationship needs time and work to make it run well but are you actually getting what you deserve back from it?? Seem like your putting a lot of effort into it and not getting much back, But I’m only hearing your side of the story so its unfair to say you have a bad boyfriend.

    The fat thing isn't anything to worry about; being a Size 12 is great.
    i would like to get rid of the excess fat around my stomach so what should i do for this?

    I think the easiest way your lose this fat is by going down the gym. Its the quickest way I think, unless you do a search about toning the tummy, I know there to be a few threads on it.

    Going back to your bf, he may not be ready to be trap in a relationship with you, I'm not saying your holding him back, But sometimes girls can get a little to clingy. This why he maybe spending more times down the gym with his mates, I wouldn’t go as far as to say he is avoiding you.

    Oh shoot this is coming out all wrong:o

    Sorry you can PM me if you need to chat or anything

    I’m going to shut up now
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He is not doing it to avoid me. it is nothing to do with him not wanting a relationship it is the fact he thinks he is fat and has told me he will work out everynight on an empty stomach and i think everyone knows this is very dangerous and plain stupid. i am worried about him. i will not go to the gym when i am underweight (noth half as much as he is) when i can exercise at home for free. that is why i dont understand.

    Thanks for your help. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you need to sit down and have a long talk with your boyfriend about this.

    In school, I was always told that I was fat. I was bullied because of it, and it affected the way I look at myself. Now, as it happens, I am a big guy, but that runs in my family. In actual fact, I have a low body fat to weight ratio, meaning that most of my size and weight is muscle and bone. Despite this, doctors keep advising me to try and lose weight. This doesn't work because when I exercise I build up muscle, which is of course heavier than fat inch for inch. The reason I no longer consider myself fat is that I have a wonderful girlfriend who doesn't hesitate to reassure me about my size (in more ways than one).

    I suspect that there's something besides your boyfriend just "thinking" that he's fat to cause this addicition to the gym, and also his calling you fat. Was he ever bullied at school? Has he ever been (however slightly) overweight?

    I suggest that you try to talk this one out with him. Chances are, he attacked you because he felt insecure in himself, not because he finds you unattractive.

    CD
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree. After a year i doubt hes changing his mind about your looks or how attracted he is too you.

    Do you know what sparked his sudden interest in the gym or did he always go? Maybe its the same thing that made him say that nasty shit to you?

    I think you gotta talk to him :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I suspect that there's something besides your boyfriend just "thinking" that he's fat to cause this addicition to the gym, and also his calling you fat. Was he ever bullied at school? Has he ever been (however slightly) overweight?

    No he is very underweight and always has been.

    He started at the gym january. stopped for a while because he changed sections in work and needed to shower straight after work so couldnt go he has started back after a long break everynight and it is not healthy for him. now that he does not get dirty at work he is trying to catch up on what he missed when he eats nothing before working out and i dont want to stand back and let him get seriously ill.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What is it that influences his self image? What drives him to feel that he needs to lose weight?

    Is there (and this is just an example) a particular male celebrity who you have professed to finding attractive whom he may be trying to emulate in his physical appearance. Does he have any idols?

    A lot of people who feel the need to lose weight unecessarily do so because of pressure put on them (often unknowingly) by others, or, more often, by the public eye. Celebrities have a lot to answer for in this respect.

    As you have said before, the manner in which he is exercising is very dangerous. If he is doing an intensive workout on an empty stomach he is risking low blood sugar (amongst other things) and as a result, he may pass out from hypoglycaemia.

    You really need to talk to him about this - it should be something you solve together.

    On the other hand, if you feel that his exercising is putting strain on your relationship, try telling him so. Don't let his obsession with image ruin what you have.

    CD

    PS, sorry for sounding so snappy - I have a pounding headache
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *DEVIL* is my best mate and i know that she is not fat. And i also know her boyfriend and i can tell you that he is certainly not fat. i think that he doesnt actually go to the gym to lose weight, but to keep fit and so as not to put on any weight. its like me, i am extremely thin, size 6/8. people comment on my weight, some think im too thin, but most really like my figure. i like to keep fit so as not to put on any weight. this could be what hes doing. he doesnt want to put on weight so he keeps fit to keep weight off. he may also just enjoy spending time down the gym and working out? i know that it is getting DEVIL down though, and i can totally understand. it just shows that she really care for her boyfirend and would like him spending his time with her rahter than down the gym. they do need to sort it out. her boyfriend needs to relaise that he is overdoing it and he should put here thoughts into consideration, after all its his health that she is worried about.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The only person i can think of saying i liked was ronan but that is his music not looks. He says he sometimes gets shaky and feels faint this is the exercise.

    he wants to be fit but is he really going the right way about it????? :mad:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This could be nothing, but it could also be very serious indeed.

    There's nothing extrordinary about feeling a bit "wobbly" if you've done a hard workout and it's just muscles complaining. However, if he's feeling light headed, nauseous (sp?), etc, then it's likely that he's suffering from mild hypoglycaemia and/or dehydration. Either way, he needs to take better care of himself when he goes to the gym:

    1) Never exercise on an empty stomach
    2) Never exercise straight after eating (Or else cramps. Nasty)
    3) Have plenty to drink during your routine.
    4) Know when to stop.

    CD
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i am worried about his health although it comes across to him like im stopping him from going as im insecure and obsessive. i am terrified that he is doing a lot of damage to his body and our relationship will be effected we always argue and i am personally fed up. i wish we can sort things out. i dont know what going on now but he did not eat last night and he refused to go home while i was there he would not let me call for him so im not sure if his parents have a problem with me or something or whether its just me.

    Things seem to be really bad recently his mum got a new job and is not home till late he seeems to do a lot around the house get really stressed i cant explain all now but i really love him and am really fed up and need to know why he has been off with me for ages :( its stressing me out.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So talk to him.

    I know it's hard to pluck up the courage to tell a person about feelings like this, but the sooner you talk, the sooner the problem will get solved one way or another. As my mum used to say "It's the job that never gets started which takes longest to finish". If you don't talk to him, you'll never know.

    If his parents do have a problem with you, find out what it is. If not, why is he avoiding them?

    It sounds to me like there's a lot more at work here than just a simple case of untrusting parents.

    All the best & take care

    CD
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds a bit like my ex.

    Firstly it sounds like telling you you're fat is a way of him avoiding facing up to the insecurities/problems he may have himself, so while it wasn't a nice thing for him to say I don't think confronting him in a nasty way about it is something you should do.

    CodeDragon is right, the best thing you can do is talk to him. To me, what he's doing sound like the actions of someone that is having problems with some aspect of life somewhere along the line, whether it's a problem with self-image/self-perception, or with his parents or something.

    I think that the only thing that will be effective is to sit him down and have a proper conversation. Tell him how you feel because just maybe then it'll give him the confidence to be that open with you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I havent read anyones comment (I will do eventually), but Im sure its been said though.

    Are you happy with yourself? do you think you need to loose the wieght? If I were you 'Id show him fat!" then jump a big heafty leap on him and damage all bones!

    Your saying your under weight for your hieght, well that says it all. Everyone has a belly!:rolleyes:

    And your going on holiday with him . If he makes another comment like that bury him in the sand (a DEEEP HOLE) closer to the shore (Its more dense!!!) and hava good time in the sun! :D

    Otherwise listen to the wise words of everyone of else. Hope you have/had a nice hol:)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    After feeling really guilty for eating a yoghurt, crisps, M&M's sandwiches etc i have decide to start my diet! :eek: its is so difficult personally i dont think i need it but i would feel happier with myself. :)

    Exercise :eek:



    Ill keep you all informed! :( it would be easier to starve :(
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