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Friends that have given up on relationships

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Theyre all male friends. Two at uni and one from home.

Theyve given up on women and relationships altogether. So have I really but for the time being. I like being single, independent and am having a voluntary break from men, relationships and the all the heartbreak that comes with it. Thats not to say that i wouldnt go out with a guy if someone special came along. But these male friends are just swearing off it altogether.

They say things like, all women are the same, they break your heart, theyre a waste of time etc etc, never gonna bother again, better off without them.

Now i can see where theyre coming from. I've had my heartbroken and quite frankly see most men as selfish, unreliable, arrogant pigs but thats not to say that ive sworn singledom forever, just until i get my faith back, whenever that is.

I keep trying to talk to them and say just dont give up altogether. If someone really special comes along its better to give it a shot and risk it, rather than not know and hate yourself for a missed oppurtunity. But theyre adamant that theyre not and i dont know what to say to make them not shut themselves off, the friend from home in particular who talks to me about this alot.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think this is really that possible. You are still being controlled by instincts and hormones. So maybe they are just not that receptive about it now, but so what? A partner is definitely not a necessity for everyone and it might be better for them to just enjoy themselves. I doubt anyone of them is going to let a real promising chance slip by.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know its not a necessity and the only reason im posting this is because one particular friend constantly keeps bringing this up, to reiterate the point that his life is so unfair, fuck women etc. Ive said all i can say to him without repeating myself, i dont know how to else to handle it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you'll just have to wait for his viewpoint to change naturally, when he has gone through all the hurt/pain whatever, i'm sure there will be a point where he goes 'damn i've been wasting my time with the negativity' (well... he might not be exactly like that, but y'know..)
    when he brings it up, you can just be netural about it- i always think of this like if you are talking to someone with delusions- neither confirm or deny them :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lexi99 wrote: »
    I know its not a necessity and the only reason im posting this is because one particular friend constantly keeps bringing this up, to reiterate the point that his life is so unfair, fuck women etc. Ive said all i can say to him without repeating myself, i dont know how to else to handle it

    I would say he is just butthurt and wants symphathy or someone to talk him out of it.

    Unfortunately I am no good at this. A little kid stomping on the ground is best left alone, it is the quickest way to have it stop.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lexi99 wrote: »
    I know its not a necessity and the only reason im posting this is because one particular friend constantly keeps bringing this up, to reiterate the point that his life is so unfair, fuck women etc. Ive said all i can say to him without repeating myself, i dont know how to else to handle it

    Tell him to stop moaning :p

    But I think it was big gay potentially (and sorry if I got the wrong person!) who said to me that people have a very fixed view that the only way to 'succeed' in life is to marry someone, settle down, and have kids.

    I know people in their 40s who are single and enjoying life having never been married and having no intention of getting married.

    When I was 17 I was dead cert when I was older that I wanted to get married and have kids and do the whole family thing.

    These days, I'd be happy to have my own place. And a motorbike. A relationship is still nice but it just doesn't seem to be the 'holy grail' I used to believe it was.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^^ agree

    plus this is bitterness and hurt talking :P i wouldnt wanna feel the wrath of a scorned man- you're just hearing about it :nervous:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know exactly what you mean. Except 95% of my friends are loved up and don't/can't understand why I'm so pessimistic about relationships in general.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why does it matter if they have relationships or not?

    If it happens, it'll happen.... If it doesn't, then they will find other experiences in life to enjoy, move them and be inspiring.

    I'd be careful though, that they don't use this behaviour to manipulate you. It sounds a bit self-pitying to me.

    If a mate of mine kept on bringing up all that "woe is me women are shit" talk, I'd tell them to grow up or piss off. Really, as a woman, they are insulting you and you have no obligation to take that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    Why does it matter if they have relationships or not?

    If it happens, it'll happen.... If it doesn't, then they will find other experiences in life to enjoy, move them and be inspiring.

    This is what I keep telling him! But next time he starts up im going to ignore it. It probably is self-pitying and a bit of manipulating after he told me he liked me and i didnt reciprocate. Just makes me wanna :banghead:, he acts like he's the only one in the world who has had bad relationships.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lexi99 wrote: »
    This is what I keep telling him! But next time he starts up im going to ignore it. It probably is self-pitying and a bit of manipulating after he told me he liked me and i didnt reciprocate. Just makes me wanna :banghead:, he acts like he's the only one in the world who has had bad relationships.
    Well there we go...

    It does seem like manipulation. He's probably trying to make you feel guilty, or get you to prove yourself to him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm yea, he keeps saying 'When you find me a girl who can prove me wrong....', probably trying to get me to say me. Men and their egos ey
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote: »
    I know exactly what you mean. Except 95% of my friends are loved up and don't/can't understand why I'm so pessimistic about relationships in general.

    The people I lived with in halls were like this. One of my friends does seem to be a little more understanding. (h had no interest in relationships as a teenager / young adult)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lexi99 wrote: »
    Hmm yea, he keeps saying 'When you find me a girl who can prove me wrong....', probably trying to get me to say me. Men and their egos ey

    Lol @ responding to generalisations with a generalisation :P :P (just kidding!)

    but seriously, it sounds like he's doing the 'poor wounded puppy' routine on you, acting vulnerable and needy because then your sympathy gives him the attention from you he wants but is seemingly unable to get otherwise (by you being sexually attracted from him, for example). I wouldn't be surprised if he's secretly hoping this then magically leads to more.

    Just give him a bit of space and let him cool his head, all will be well in the end I'm sure.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    Lol @ responding to generalisations with a generalisation :P :P (just kidding!)

    but seriously, it sounds like he's doing the 'poor wounded puppy' routine on you, acting vulnerable and needy because then your sympathy gives him the attention from you he wants but is seemingly unable to get otherwise (by you being sexually attracted from him, for example). I wouldn't be surprised if he's secretly hoping this then magically leads to more.

    Just give him a bit of space and let him cool his head, all will be well in the end I'm sure.

    Hehe if he's allowed to do it, then I am as well! :p

    I reckon this is what is going on, just seeking sympathy to get my attention, next time he starts i'll give him some space
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