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Marriage - argh!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys
So Mr Butterflykisses and I went to my best friend's wedding on Saturday. Loads of fun, had a damn good boogie, and left to start the long drive home first thing the next morning.
On the way back we (obviously) chatted about the wedding - aspects we liked, aspects we didn't like, things we'd like to do at our wedding if we ever got married, etc. He then mentioned how a girl he was sitting next to at the meal was going on at her boyfriend about how much she wanted to get married now because this wedding was so wonderful, weddings always gave her wedding envy and why wouldn't he propose to her? Yeuch. Anyway, he gave me a sort of sidelong glance and asked me if weddings made me feel that way. I said not really; I was concentrating on making my friend's day special and not really paying attention to my own sentiments (mostly because her now-husband is a wally).
But since then I've found myself idly looking at weddingy stuff on the internet, and thinking about marriage in general as well as Mr B and me and our future. I've never really even considered marriage before, so it's a bit weird for me.
We've been together three years - we have lots of fun together, we fight fair and never go to sleep on an argument (of which we've had approximately 5 in three years), we support each other in everything we do, and although we've never explicitly talked about marriage and we're not really a soppy 'argh I'm so totally in love with you, you complete me, I would be nothing without you' kind of couple, we're talking/joking increasingly about children and how we would like our lives to be in the future.
Am I just experiencing what this woman at the wedding was feeling - 'wedding envy' as she called it, or has there been a shift in my thinking about marriage? Is our relationship reaching a point where this is something we should consider, or am I just being a silly girl?
For those of you who are engaged/married, what made you sure that it was 'right' at that time? Or were you never really, totally sure?
ETA: I'm 23 and he's 32. Don't know why that's particularly relevant, just thought it might be
So Mr Butterflykisses and I went to my best friend's wedding on Saturday. Loads of fun, had a damn good boogie, and left to start the long drive home first thing the next morning.
On the way back we (obviously) chatted about the wedding - aspects we liked, aspects we didn't like, things we'd like to do at our wedding if we ever got married, etc. He then mentioned how a girl he was sitting next to at the meal was going on at her boyfriend about how much she wanted to get married now because this wedding was so wonderful, weddings always gave her wedding envy and why wouldn't he propose to her? Yeuch. Anyway, he gave me a sort of sidelong glance and asked me if weddings made me feel that way. I said not really; I was concentrating on making my friend's day special and not really paying attention to my own sentiments (mostly because her now-husband is a wally).
But since then I've found myself idly looking at weddingy stuff on the internet, and thinking about marriage in general as well as Mr B and me and our future. I've never really even considered marriage before, so it's a bit weird for me.
We've been together three years - we have lots of fun together, we fight fair and never go to sleep on an argument (of which we've had approximately 5 in three years), we support each other in everything we do, and although we've never explicitly talked about marriage and we're not really a soppy 'argh I'm so totally in love with you, you complete me, I would be nothing without you' kind of couple, we're talking/joking increasingly about children and how we would like our lives to be in the future.
Am I just experiencing what this woman at the wedding was feeling - 'wedding envy' as she called it, or has there been a shift in my thinking about marriage? Is our relationship reaching a point where this is something we should consider, or am I just being a silly girl?
For those of you who are engaged/married, what made you sure that it was 'right' at that time? Or were you never really, totally sure?
ETA: I'm 23 and he's 32. Don't know why that's particularly relevant, just thought it might be
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Comments
I don't think anyone can tell you whether it was wedding envy or whether you have had a shift in your thinking. Your relationship sounds pretty much ideal and the fact that Mr B brought the subject up might indicate that he is having thoughts about marriage. Or it might not, of course ... If the idea appeals to you, I would be tempted to tell him how you have been feeling since your friend's wedding and see where it goes.
As to my own marriage, my husband and I were pretty impetuous when we got together. Without going into too much detail, we had both recently escaped from unhappy marriages, and had only known each other for a few weeks when we moved in together. From the outset, we talked in terms of "when" and not "if" we would marry. (Incidentally, I was 32 and he was 42.)
Nah, it's natural to think about weddings and marriage when you've just been to one, especially if you've been together a while and feel secure as a couple - it's a part of idle wondering about the future. It certainly sounds like your blokey is interested and is testing the water by asking you all those leading questions.
We have been together over nine years. My other half has spent the past few years totally confusing me about his view on marriage, blowing hot and cold about it - one day asking me loads of stuff about my thoughts on married names, first dances, venues; the next saying he thought there was no real point to marriage. The last 'serious' conversation we had on the matter about 9 months ago, he said he was 'neutral' about marriage, but would do it for me (I replied there was no way I would get engaged unless I was sure he wanted it too). All as it turned out complete bullshit...
We were also at a wedding a couple of weeks ago - and after the ceremony (when he was pushing me to go after the bouquet) we went for a walk and a heart to heart about stuff and he ended up getting down on one knee himself! I accepted and now have a ring on my finger and a few months of manic preparations ahead of me!
As soon as I said yes he couldn't wipe the smile off his face, kept saying how it was brilliant, being fiance(e)s (no longer boyfriend/girlfriend!) feels right and he said he should have done it years ago!
I am sure he is as sure as he can be. The proposal was completely spontaneous and unplanned (he'd been planning to do it on our tenth anniversary) but he's had a fair few years to sort his head out and it was all completely unprompted by me!
I can't imagine life without him and I'm ready to say vows to that effect. There always will be moments of uncertainty - after all forever's a long time - but sometimes you've got to bite the bullet and follow and trust your heart and gut feelings.