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annoyed about never finding a relationship and dont know what to do?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am 23 and never had a girlfriend or much sex finally lost my vignity last year but that is over and done. i have always wanted a girlfriend and more sexual experince with women. i live in the bay area and i dont ever go to bars because my friends dont like bars and im not going to go to a bar alone because im very shy. im finding that as much as i love the san francisco bay area that maybe this isnt a great city to be a single shy guy in. it seems like either most people are gay or seem to think im gay(im not homophobic at all support gay rights but i happen to be straight). i feel deprest most often and im sexually very frustrated and dont feel very attaractive so i jack off to porn at night to pass the time away. and i tried to join clubs with the same intrests but its hard for me to take the first step. should i move? even though i love the bay area ? should i do something else just want some input.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not going anywhere, where you can meet women and being too shy for everything, especially too shy to go to places where you can meet women is a sure way to miss out on meeting women, who are kinda necessary for the whole relationship jazz.

    edited for atrocious spelling and grammar.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why date?

    It's cliche, but relationships find you, you don't find them.

    To get in a relationship, it's simple:

    - Know yourself
    - Know what you want
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thak you kira ,to the other poster i was seeking some advice not total judgment i can totally accept criticism that i need to do better at getting out there but not total judgement
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rofl, my post was judgmental?

    What do you want? Advice or the classical, "oh just wait, love will find out." Yea, maybe love will find you, but not while sitting in your apartment. It's like those people who dream about winning in the lottery but not even playing the lottery. What do they expect? If you don't go to places where you can meet women, you won't meet women, I thought this makes sense.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    Rofl, my post was judgemental?

    What do you want? Advice or the classical, "oh just wait, love will find out." Yea, maybe love will find you, but not while sitting in your apparment. It's like those people who dream about winning in the lottery but not even playing the lottery. What do they expect? If you don't go to places where you can meet women, you won't meet women, I thought this makes sense.

    I have to agree with this, and I didn't find StrubbleS's first post to be judgemental at all. I think that he commented on the facts that you presented us with. You are to shy to go to bars on your own, and your shyness prevents you from joining clubs or groups. Plus the nights alone watching porn. If you can't find a way to get out and meet people then you are caught in a vicious circle from which there is no escape, and life won't come knocking at your door as StrubbleS rightly said.

    Moving area is unlikely to help apart from that it may give you a renewed hope, sometimes depression CAN sit like a layer of fog over your surroundings. It sometimes does help to be somewhere new where nobody knows you and where you can pretty much be whoever or whatever you want. What moving area won't do is to change your level of self confidence. The problems and the limitations are within YOU, and if you don't tackle those problems then you will merely take them with you to the next town or city. You need to spend time working on your self belief, and you need to be prepared to take risks in order to get what you want out of life. You will also need to be prepared to do things that are outside of your comfort zone, and to do things that you haven't done before. If you kept on doing the same things then you'd keep getting the same results.

    Life and relationships are all about strategy, if you ask me. There are so many solutions to any particular problem that we might face in life. Some things are terminal or inevitable, but most things aren't. When it comes to relationships, people tend to give up far too easily and cite physical attractiveness as a reason for failure. Whereas even your physical attractiveness can be altered in someone's eyes, as it is merely perception, it is not an absolute. Try to use the strengths that you have, and remember that the mind really is the major weapon in attraction. Most limitations are self imposed, and we've all seen plenty of examples of couples who seem to be on different aesthetical levels. The cynic in us will say 'oh, he/she must be loaded then...', and we'll give ourselves another excuse for failure to achieve what we want to achieve.

    Life isn't a bed of roses, or a fairytale, and things won't come looking for you unless you at least make yourself open to receive them. There are plenty of opportunities in life, and often we just miss them through being too closed to see them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is true that nothing ventured nothing gained applies.

    But the first step is to find out what you want, where that person is most likely to hang out, and be comfortable with yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    true

    i will remain postive and go out to bars and join more clubs etc part of it is though i want to make sure im doing everything the right way, on one hand im not gonna chnage myself completley to meet someone on the other hand if im honest that may not be good either, part of it to is when i could approach women back in hs which was so rare i got rejected everytime and then for awhile i took a break with finding a relationship, but now ill get back in the zone and wont accept being too shy and failure as a normal state. i also hear if you look for a relatioship you wont find it on the other hand i hear if you dont try it wont happen total contridictions.
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