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Suicidal

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have thoughts about ending my life all the time, and normally i would just talk to my boyfriend and someone on here suggested jo at samaritains, but none of that is working right now.

I have been feeling pretty good all day i was up early had a nap in the afternoon. Then went to dunelm mill to have a look for some house things had tea out and went to see my dad and i have felt good and positive through out the day.

But now i am on my own i just feel low and down and that nothing is worth living for, i often think about my funeral and what song i would like.

But if my anti despressants are not working and talking isnt working what do i do next?? do i just end my life and then have nothing to worry about and i can stop feeling the way i do??? or not??

I dont expect a response i am just ranting again

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry you have having a bad day, remember that you have had good times where you have felt good recently. Perhaps you can consider your current mood as a dip, which you are going to come out of and feel good again? Have you got something to look forward to?

    hugs
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have thoughts about ending my life all the time, and normally i would just talk to my boyfriend and someone on here suggested jo at samaritains, but none of that is working right now.

    I have been feeling pretty good all day i was up early had a nap in the afternoon. Then went to dunelm mill to have a look for some house things had tea out and went to see my dad and i have felt good and positive through out the day.

    But now i am on my own i just feel low and down and that nothing is worth living for, i often think about my funeral and what song i would like.

    But if my anti despressants are not working and talking isnt working what do i do next?? do i just end my life and then have nothing to worry about and i can stop feeling the way i do??? or not??

    I dont expect a response i am just ranting again

    Read a book. Watch a film. Watch a happy comedy.

    Also, are you in counselling? Has something happened to make you depressed? Would talking about it with a counsellor help?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have thoughts about ending my life all the time, and normally i would just talk to my boyfriend and someone on here suggested jo at samaritains, but none of that is working right now.

    I have been feeling pretty good all day i was up early had a nap in the afternoon. Then went to dunelm mill to have a look for some house things had tea out and went to see my dad and i have felt good and positive through out the day.

    But now i am on my own i just feel low and down and that nothing is worth living for, i often think about my funeral and what song i would like.

    But if my anti despressants are not working and talking isnt working what do i do next?? do i just end my life and then have nothing to worry about and i can stop feeling the way i do??? or not??

    I dont expect a response i am just ranting again

    I don't know what your exact psychology is so I will try not to be too presumptious, but in my own experience you can often feel very alone even when there are people around you. Perhaps because you are feeling a void that you just don't know how to fill? There is talking and there is talking. The Samaritans service, 'Jo', doesn't really do anything other than allow you to talk and prompt you with questions. So it feels very impersonal. Sometimes talking is all that's needed, to offload some weight, but it's hardly a conversation. As for your boyfriend, I'm sure he does his best but he just may not be equipped to best deal with what's troubling you.

    My own situation has always been about chasing shadows, trying to fill a hole in my life and not really having any idea what needs to go in it. Loneliness has always been a big factor for me, even when I've been around people. As has the loss of key people in my life and hence the need to be approved of by those people who I most feel drawn to. I've tried every bad method of distraction and avoidance and put myself in some really bad situations along the way. What I have realised at least is that distraction or escapism is not the way. It can have short term benefits but ultimately it just prolongs the lifespan of the depression.

    You want to know what is making you unhappy, and perhaps somewhere deep inside you do know, or at least you have some ideas. It takes a lot of honesty with oneself to get to that point, and often a lot of work on putting aside guilt and/or shame. To say that the people around us aren't enough, or even aren't what we want, is a hard thing to admit even to ourselves. It is only very recently that I have realised how detached I've become from my family, and how little they ever did to help me. The same can be said about friends, although I take partial blame for that in seeking friends in the wrong places. I had more support from work over the last 6yrs than my family or friends put together.

    Anyway, I digress. I think that a combination of talking and soul searching are certainly not a bad thing. Counselling/therapy would help you to find the answers within yourself as to why you are so unhappy no matter what is happening around you. As for the medication, sometimes you need to either increase the dosage or switch medication. They can become ineffective after a time, when their effects are no longer registering. It's a bit like becoming too used to them. I am on my second antidepressant type, and most people seem to go through at least a couple. I'm not saying that meds are the answer, they don't stop the pain or fill the voids but they do raise the floor a little so that we don't fall quite so far. Meds combined with long term counselling is probably the best solution. You need to find the root of the cancer before you can cut it out, and that will take time.

    In the meantime, there are plenty of wise and experienced people on here that you could talk to. Sometimes a little bit of shared insight can really give you different ways in which to think and process your thoughts. I would be glad to talk to you anytime, if you need an ear. As would many others.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^^^ agree, do let off steam/rant on here, I'm sure it will help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey firstly thank you all for your support and advice.

    katralla-I do have one thing to look forward too which is moving but the only other problem is money, i am currently on statory sick pay which is about 280 a month god knows how i am mean to live on that, the reason i am moving is because i am currently living with my boyfriends at his mum and dads.

    Kira-I am not in counselling at the moment i struggle to talk to people about issues i do have, i find it alot easier for me to talk by letter, e-mail or even this. If i have something to tell my boyfriend like how i am feeling i have to text him even if he is in the same room as me and there isnt anyone else about. I have had counselling in the past but it doesnt really work for me because you get 6 sessions and i only feel comfortable at about 4-5 session which means i dont really get any help. Nothing has happened as such to make me end up like this, Its been most of my teenage years into early adulthood everyday i go from happy to sad, happy to sad through the day i dont know wheather i am coming or going. But when i am happy you wouldnt think anything is wrong with me, i laugh, smile and i even feel great like am on top of the world but then about 2 hours later i am feeling the way i do now sad and not wanting to live.

    super147-you are right about jo i didnt feel any benfit from that serivce as they just ask questions and thats it. I dont think i am trying to fill a void. I am sorry to hear you have been so unfortunate with friends and family, I myself have a very supportive network of friends and my boyfriends family are very supportive too, but as for my own side well, i dont talk to my mothers side of the family (which i feel no lose about because as far as i am concerned they are dead) and my dads side know i am depressed but they dont understand why so they just say what have you got to be depressed about. But they are issues like i was sexually and physically abused by my mums side of the family (hense why i hate them) which they dont know, I also dont want to tell them either, if my dad found out he would kill them and they are not worth me losing my dad he has been a great rock for me. Thank you for the offer of talking to you if i need it, and i am also here if you are anyone needs to chat i am a good lisener and good at giving adivce but as for taken it well i am not good at that ha.

    I just hope that today is a better day, at the moment i feel low but not as much as i did last night, i have self harmed tho =[ which i am not pleased about i had managed to stop for 2 and a half years and now this is a real set back for me. But i am going to ask for a docotors appointment i dont want to feel this way any more.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you seeing a psychiatrist?

    It sounds as if you may have bi-polar disorder/manic depression, but I'm not a doctor so cannot say for sure. Certainly feeling highs and then lows is normal of that condition.

    I would suggest asking your GP if s/he could refer you to a counsellor. I know you say you don't like counsellors, but I cannot think of many counselling services over e-mail or done electronically. It generally is done in person or face to face.

    We are happy to talk to you, but few of us are trained counsellors/mental health professionals, so our aid to you will be limited.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kira wrote: »
    Are you seeing a psychiatrist?

    It sounds as if you may have bi-polar disorder/manic depression, but I'm not a doctor so cannot say for sure. Certainly feeling highs and then lows is normal of that condition.

    I would suggest asking your GP if s/he could refer you to a counsellor. I know you say you don't like counsellors, but I cannot think of many counselling services over e-mail or done electronically. It generally is done in person or face to face.

    We are happy to talk to you, but few of us are trained counsellors/mental health professionals, so our aid to you will be limited.

    :eek2:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Teagan wrote: »
    :eek2:

    why eek? :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The blatent change in communication style probably made Teagan go eek!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That is how I normally communicate.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kira wrote: »
    That is how I normally communicate.

    Not elsewhere, in this thread you actually made sense.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No i dont have a physicatist (sorry about the spelling) I know if i see a counsellor i will have to do it face to face there is not other way, and i would go if they gave me more than just 6 sessions. My thinking is if i am not getting any benifit from counselling because of this fear of talking face to face then someone else who is going to get benifit from it might as well have my place. If they said to me that i can have more than 6 sessions i will take it up tomorrow. Its a catch 22 really.

    ggrr am so annoying!!

    I have an appointment with my docotor on friday which really is quite crap considering how i am feeling, my boyfriend even told the receptionist how bad i am feeling and she said sorry only emergencies can get in now. ggrr :banghead: So now i have to go throught another day and a hlaf before i can see my docotor! i have told my boyfriend to take all the money, tablets and keys so i cannot go any where to get anything. I am in my good place at the moment, But tomorrow will be different.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No i dont have a physicatist (sorry about the spelling) I know if i see a counsellor i will have to do it face to face there is not other way, and i would go if they gave me more than just 6 sessions. My thinking is if i am not getting any benifit from counselling because of this fear of talking face to face then someone else who is going to get benifit from it might as well have my place. If they said to me that i can have more than 6 sessions i will take it up tomorrow. Its a catch 22 really.

    ggrr am so annoying!!

    I have an appointment with my docotor on friday which really is quite crap considering how i am feeling, my boyfriend even told the receptionist how bad i am feeling and she said sorry only emergencies can get in now. ggrr :banghead: So now i have to go throught another day and a hlaf before i can see my docotor! i have told my boyfriend to take all the money, tablets and keys so i cannot go any where to get anything. I am in my good place at the moment, But tomorrow will be different.

    Why would counselling only last for six sessions? Typically, counselling lasts until the patient is well. This could take six sessions. In some cases, a person is counselled for a year. It all depends on whether the person is content enough without counselling. One issue is cost, but there are counsellors on the NHS.

    Other than that, I don't know what to suggest in honesty, since you seem down and need somebody to talk to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am in my good place at the moment, But tomorrow will be different.

    I know everyone's emotions go up and down but if you think like that then it will be a bad next day to how you are feeling now.
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