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Rant rant rant

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Yes a rant - I don't expect responses so don't worry :p

I'm meant to be on a 2 week holiday with my friends right now. But I'm not. It was a really hard decision... but I felt that I couldn't leave home with it being so shit at the moment - so I pulled out. And I'm stuck in the house with not really anyone to do anything with. (9 of my best friends are on this trip).

Right, and things at home are bad. I haven't seen/spoken to my dad in the last month or so. When he comes home from work I stay in my room. Which is making this bank holiday weekend pretty boring :p I know it sounds really petty or whatever, and I can't explain it. Our relationship has never been good, and we had a fight before my exams and it kind of just cemented my view that things were never going to change... and they weren't going to get better.

He sent me an email I think to try and clear the air, but it was just all wrong. I know I should appreciate his effort, but it showed that he just doesn't get it. He thinks I'm upset/stressed whatever because of my exams and apparently he knows how I feel. But thats not it... Doesn't he remember? We argued about what he said... what he did... and how he treated me differently to my sister. THAT is what is upsetting me.

I want to be able to stand up and just put everything behind us. But I can't. I really wish I had it in me to just be able to walk out of the room, and start again.. but I can't. I can't stand him and I hate that hes pinned everything on me being stressed with exams or whatever. I don't know where to begin to sort this mess out. I know that family comes first which is why I cancelled my trip... and I know it needs sorting.

I sound so coldhearted, but whenever he comes home I just get this nervous feeling in my chest. And that shouldn't be how I feel when my DAD gets home.

He has also told me that he is probably going to lose his job, but he has not told my mum. I don't know what to do.

I've thought about moving out, and yeah that might be the best long-term option for our relationship to survive, but something needs doing before then.

At the moment it just seems that I want a relationship with my dad, but not with him... as I can't stand to be around him.

Blergh

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I sound so coldhearted, but whenever he comes home I just get this nervous feeling in my chest. And that shouldn't be how I feel when my DAD gets home.
    .......
    I've thought about moving out, and yeah that might be the best long-term option for our relationship to survive, but something needs doing before then.

    Hugs

    I can relate in part to what you are saying. I used to not look forward to my dad returning home and when I heard him i felt a bit nervous, not sure exactly why, but he did shout at me rather a bit, and we did have some horrid arguments.

    anyhows back to the point... I wanted to say that moving out (I came to uni) has, I feel, helped our relationship a bit- whilst we are not close, we argue less when I come home and it feels a bit more like I can relax around him, if that makes sense.

    Have you got anywhere you could move out too? It may help you to not be living in the same house, so that you can enjoy it when you do visit him (sort of as a guest rather than family, if that makes sense :S ). I think, although it would be hard, talking to him face to face even if it is just to clarify that you aren't stressed about exams, but in fact it was his words which hurt you would be beneficial. Maybe he honestly hasn't realized that it was him that made you stressed. If you can't talk to him maybe at least email him?

    Hope i make a bit of sense!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maybe reply to his email with one of your own re-emphasising the points about what is upsetting, some people understand better from reading things when they are written down x
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