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Cheat.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I could go into detail, but you can ask any questions if you want.
I cheated on my boyfriend in January.
It's now April but shall I tell him?
I feel guilty.
I cheated on my boyfriend in January.
It's now April but shall I tell him?
I feel guilty.
0
Comments
How far did you go? What were the circumstances? Though you should probably tell him either way to be honest
What will that accomplish?
it might alleviate some of the guilt but it'll most likely end the relationship.
Like I said, it depends on the circumstances and what actually happened.
What good could that possibly do?
Deal with your guilt yourself. Learn from it and move on. Don't saddle him with all the misery and suffering just because you're unable to deal with the inevitable guilt you feel having done something wrong.
Unless of course you're looking for a way out of the relationship, in which case, sure, why not tell him. It's one way to lob a grenade into the middle of things.
The idea that honesty is always the best policy is completely overrated, in my opinion.
think about it this way...would you want to know if your boyfriend had cheated on you? if so, then tell him. personally, i'd want to know and i know that if i ever cheated on my boyfriend (which i never would), i'd tell him.
I do sort of get where you're coming from with this, but I don't entirely understand the thinking behind it.
Leaving aside the claim "the truth always comes out eventually" (which seems more than a little dubious to me - other than in the movies and cautionary fairy tales, is it really the case that the truth always comes out eventually? How would we know?)...
What good can possibly come from telling your partner you've cheated? Bearing in mind the wrong has been done, and can't be undone. So the badness exists. Will telling your partner really eliminate, or even reduce, the total badness of the situation?
I highly doubt it. I understand the snap judgement, it's wrong to cheat, therefore justice must be done, coming clean is the only way to atone for one's sins. But really, I think it's mistaken. I think people who tell others they ought to come clean are either being overly moralistic, or failing to think through the consequences coming clean will bring. And those who have the urge to come clean are just selfishly trying to alleviate their own guilt, when the kind and mature thing to do would be to deal with the guilt by themselves, and make sure they don't fuck up again.
Are you prepared to forgive if he ever cheats on you?
:yes:
Honesty is not always the best policy. If you want to stay with your boyfriend, don't tell him. He will likely never trust you again.
Is there any likelihood that you will ever see the other guy again? If not, there is no reason to think that you cannot file it under 'mistake' and keep it a secret. The guilt you feel will probably stop you doing it again.
Only kissed the other man on two seperate occasions.
I think we would split temperarily, but I think it wouldn't end it completley. I was drunk at both times and I could probably worm my way out of it.
On both occasions, the lad was very consistent and I was heavily drunk.
I don't want this relationship to end - I love my boyfriend.
But I don't want to ruin what we have or for him to think differently of me or think I'm a liar.
Actually well said!
But I feel sooo guilty.
If he ever cheated on me, I'd dump him. But I would probably end up getting back with him.
I cheated because I was drunk and it was an 18th and this lad from my school kept trying to kiss me for a 'dare' and I just did. That was the first time.
I leave school in a month, then I will probably never see the guy again.
Thing is, my boyfriend knows who he is and I have told my boyfriend a pack of lies, opposed to to the real truth.
if you are really guilty about it then tell him (beside he'll know that there's something bothering you)
it is true he will get mad and everything
just give him some space and time to think until he calms down
then talk to him and try to solve it..
But, if you do feel like you can't hide then I'd tell him. Just say it happened a while ago, and it was a mistake, and it wont happen again.
Good luck,
Xx
Well, you don't say how it happened a second time, but I don't consider a drunken kiss to be "cheating" on your bf. Don't know anyone else's view on this, but I reckon people become more tolerant of indiscretions like this as they get older. Real cheating, in my book, has to have an element of intent to deceive or at least an illicit thrill. If none existed, forget it.
So don't tell him?
And if anyone else slips up, deny it?
If its playing on your mind that much then you should tell him.
The exception to my usual position that you should never tell, is if there are other people who know and there is a risk they will tell him. In that case, you should probably confess. It's kinder to him that he hears it from you than from someone else.
Unless of course you can be sure the people who know will keep it quiet, in which case, you should too. Depends how much you trust the people who know.
Why are you having to lie to your boyfriend in front of people? What do you mean by "lying"? Has your bf asked you a direct question about whether you have ever kissed someone else, or is it that you feel that he can see your guilt and you are lying by omission (by not telling him)? May be you think someone else has already told him?
I still don't think the kiss itself is any big deal. If you think he knows already and it hasn't affected your relationship, I would say nothing. If he doesn't know yet, and it comes out in future - yes, by all means tell him, but laugh it off as a one-sided drunken prank initiated by the other lad - which is essentially the truth, as I understand it.
Yep, that is the truth.
I told him last night that theb other lad tried to kiss me but I didn't admit that I kissed him back, because my boyfriend said if I kissed him back, he would want to end our relationship.
Or just lie and say nothing, but tbh by the looks of it.. You should tell him it all. And pay with the consequences, your punishmeant for doing wrong. Maybe you'll actually love your boyfriend enough next time to not do anything. No excuses.
It was brave of you to own up to the first kiss. Well done.
So now you have a straight choice. Keep quiet about kissing the guy back, or tell your bf and end the relationship. Since he already knows that this lad kissed you and it doesn't bother him, there is little that the people who saw you can do to interfere. I should stop worrying about the second kiss. We all do silly things sometimes. We just have to learn to live with them.