When does dating turn into a relationship? Should it?

Former Member

I've been seeing a girl for nearly 2 months now. We started off going out for drinks and the occaisional meal, now we hang out with eachother on the beach e.t.c and we sleep together fairly regularly.
When we're together, it's like we are a couple. We hold hands, hug, spoon for hours in the morning/after sex... She even calls me baby.

The thing is though, we met not long after we both came out of long term, serious relationships. Personally I didn't want to rush into another one... I just thought I'd go on a few dates and see how it went. But it's becoming more than that.
She has already told me that she's not looking for other guys... when she likes someone, she commits to them. Is that a hint? Last night she also mentioned something about being single...but almost in a 'yes I'm technically single still, you going to change that please?' sort of way.

I do really like her, we have loads of fun and the more I see her, the more I want to see her again! I would like to make things official, but I also quite enjoy the way things are going at the moment... I get all the benefits of a relationship, but without dealing with all the emotional bullshit and having to text every day e.t.c. Sometimes we won't speak for days and it doesn't matter.

The other thing is, I don't see a future. I start Uni in September up in Leeds, and I'd like to be single for that to be honest. I'm not sure whether she'll still be here in Brighton then or whether she'll go back to Italy. She's not sure herself.

Thanks for any advice guys!

Former Member

Do you talk to her about Leeds? Maybe if you talked about things like how often you'd go out with friends you'd be able to clarify your feelings without asking her directly.

Former Member

No we don't really talk about it. She knows I'm going though, and I think she understands that it wouldn't work even if she does stay in England. As Brighton to Leeds is a fair trek.

Former Member

Sounds like friends with benifits. Just keep riding it. :thumb:

Former Member

You're not ready for a relationship.

Former Member

Calvin wrote: »

Sounds like friends with benifits. Just keep riding it. :thumb:

Haha easier said than done though mate.

Former Member

Im still a firm believer in asking the question, to make things official.

Former Member

pill 'ed wrote: »

Haha easier said than done though mate.

So you like her more than friends, but dont want a realtionship??

Former Member

Maybe....lol I don't know man. This is my problem, I have all the great ideas of things are going to be and then I start becoming emotionally attached. I can't help myself but I wish I didn't.

**helen**

Hey ed,

Sounds like a great thing you've got going on and it's not a bad thing that you become easily attached to people - it shows you're open to meaningful relationships and aren't just hanging out with this girl to pass the time - you genuinely really like her and it sounds like you both get a lot out of spending time together.

Having said that, not every relationship has to turn into the love of your life - it's fine to be spending good times with someone knowing that it might not last, but that also it doesn't have to end badly either.

Firstly, honest conversations are key. Perhaps find a time when you can chat to her about how you're feeling and let her know that you really value her and the relationship, but in the long-term you will be going to Leeds and that's a priority for you. You could say that you'd love to continue the way things are, but just want to be open about how things might change when you move away. That way, she's under no illusions and can be equally honest about her expectations.

The second thing to think about is just letting things take their natural course. If you're honest about the bigger picture, then if things are going to develop into something bigger between the two of you, then things will work out. On the other hand, if they don't and it all becomes too much like hard work, forced, or too much push and pull - then you'll know what to do.

Take care and let us know how you get on.

P.S Leeds for uni - great choice :thumb:

Former Member

you've answered your own question really. You want to be single for when you get to uni. As long as you're honest with the girl I think you already know what you want to do.

Former Member

pill 'ed wrote: »

I get all the benefits of a relationship, but without dealing with all the emotional bullshit and having to text every day e.t.c.

This makes me think you are not ready for a relationship.

Former Member

Thanks guys - you're all right. I think I know what has to be done, it's just going to be tough when the time comes to say adios! In some ways, I'd rather not get any more involved now, while it's easier. But I am enjoying spending time with her.

Helen - yeah I love Leeds, well excited for it. :thumb:

Former Member

Are you big spoon or little spoon?

Former Member

lol...Big spoon.

Former Member

aw

hope it works out ed. helen is da voice of troof.

Former Member

Thanks. Haha she really is isn't she.

Just to stir the story up some more, I found out today that I'm positive for Chlamydia! This is great fun. Lol It's times like this when all you can do is laugh...right?

Former Member

woah unlucky. at least you can get it sorted asap i guess.

Former Member

pill 'ed wrote: »

Thanks. Haha she really is isn't she.

Just to stir the story up some more, I found out today that I'm positive for Chlamydia! This is great fun. Lol It's times like this when all you can do is laugh...right?

ummmm i guess so but make sure you keep a straight face when you tell her