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Unwanted Kiss
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years, with him living abroad for the last two and a half. It has been really tough him being away and we have been through serious ups and downs. We have recently started to re-build bridges and things have been really good again which is such a real relief as I thought we were on the verge of breaking up at one point. I have been feeling so so happy that things are great again. I then attended my friend’s wedding. We all went to a pub after the reception and I had been drinking all day as you do at weddings and everyone was very merry, I was chatting to this guy who I had met a few times who seemed really nice then all of a sudden I started to feel very very drunk and was really sick, I then had to leave so ordered a cab, this guy walked me to the cab which I did not ask him to but was so drunk (all of this memory is very hazy) but I do remember turning round to say goodbye and before I knew what was happening this guy was kissing me full on the lips, it took me literally one second to realise what was happening and pulled away but in that one second I did respond as my drunken brain took that amount of time to process what was happening! I am feeling horrendously guilty as I had no intention of kissing this guy and was the furthest thing from my mind as all I want to do is enjoy the new found closeness with my boyfriend. Please help as I don’t feel like I can talk about this with anyone and am torturing myself with guilt. I don't think I could ever tell my boyf this, not now anyway. Do you think this is classed as cheating?
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Comments
people do worse
forget about it, don't tell your boyfriend, pretend it never happened
try not to drink so much in future
no i really dont think it's cheating at all from what you've said. it isnt your fault he just went for it and attached himself to your lips and its not like you reciprocrated and you seem more horrified than anything.
if it's making you feel so awful, do you think you could tell your bf or would he not believe you? you guys have been together a long time so hopefully he could either laugh it off or just be as horrified as you.
but he planted himself on her lips!
First off, he "surprised" you by it (maybe in a unpleasant way). It was not your intention to kiss him, nor were you in a position to really fend of or realize what's happening before it's too late anyway. You didn't want it, when it happened and you couldn't avoid it you didn't like it, and afterwards you stopped it and didn't enjoy it. Really no harm.
I wouldn't tell your boyfriend about it.
Plus, the fact that you're so horrified about it says alot about you and how much you care about your relationship.
Of course none of us will know how your boyfriend may react but tell him if it will make you feel better
thanks for your replies, am definatley looking at my drinking as i really dont want to be in that position again.
..and do you know he came out of nowhere, I am desperatley trying to remember details, I was talking with him about my boyfreind at the wedding and would not have said anything to lead him on.
I just feel so upset cos I was so so happy my boyf and me had turned a corner, as i have had a horrible last 6 months but now just feel very very depressed. I am not going to tell him, hopefully I will feel a bit better with time.
There is also another, more sinister possibility. You admit that you were very drunk ... and drunk people are often sick. However, you say that you had been drinking all day and yet suddenly felt very drunk and sick. It is just possible that your drink was spiked. It shouldn't happen at a family wedding, but these things can happen anywhere. And, as we are always being reminded, in the majority of rapes, the woman knows her attacker. I hate to ask, but how well do you know this 'nice' guy? Could he have had other motives for walking you to your cab?
But it's not really your fault, could have happened to any of us really. At the end of the day, it's not a MASSIVE deal. You had no intentions to kiss him, so there's no reason to re-consider your relationship with your boyfriend.
However I doubt your boyfriend would take it too well if you told him, so I'd avoid that. Espescially as you're just starting to get things back on track.
It was a minor mistake, it happened. Try to forget about it now.
its not the ideal solution to the problem but its a pragmatic one.
and when i said it was probably cheating, i meant in the sense - imagine if you were queuing for something and inadvertedly jumped the queue. thats probably still pushing in even if its accidental.
if your boyfriend had seen you, you did kiss another guy even if only for a moment, so it is probably still cheating - but like i said far more people do far worse and in my example i have a friend who is habitually kissed by another friend but its easier to look the other way than make a big deal out of it.
so relax and enjoy life and don't think about it really, there are far more important things to worry about. (you wouldn't fret if you accidentally pushed in a queue would you
finally if it was my girlfriend i'd probably be stressed out if she told me and 'why are you telling me this if it was just a silly tiny thing?'. the mind can make us think the worst.
Thanks for all your comments they have been very helpful and am not feeling so bad today.
ShyBoy - I like your analogy of accidently jumping the que thing..
Overthehill - my friend questioned whether I had been spiked because I was in such a state the next day and was very sick, I hope I wasn't tho..
Clementine, Strubbles, Lexi99, Pill Ed also, it is very nice of you to offer your thoughts and your replies have really made me reconsider how much alcohol I drink as this has increased since my boyf has been away, so have had bit of a wake up call..... and maybe I am giving the wrong impression without realising as am naturally very friendly and people can take this the wrong way.
I really miss affection when boyf is away but have done really well over the last couple of years of not letting it get to me too much I just have to ride it out a bit longer as he will be back soon, have waited long enough
Ellie x
Sounds a bit iffy to me. You may have had a lucky escape.
To those of you who say it was "cheating", it wasn't. You can't accidentally cheat, even if drunk. Your judgement might be impaired, but to "cheat" there has to be some intent to deceive. You didn't initiate or respond to the kiss and, while your bf might have been a bit shocked if he had witnessed it, it would have probably been perfectly obvious that the other guy's advances were unwelcome. Your bf probably would have decked him, and that would have been the end of the matter!
I wouldn't beat yourself up about it, but I would agree that you maybe need to think about either drinking a bit less, or being careful with who goes near your drinks, cause it does sound like you got off lightly this time!