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being "the fat friend"

sorry, i'm not sure where this should go.

i'm going away in 3 1/2 weeks time on holiday.

i'm going with two really petite, short, skinny, super sporty girls.

i'm 5'8" (so i look stupid in photos standing next to them both as they are both about 5'2"...) and i've these past few weeks i've put on half a stone (which i can only blame on my chocolate consumption recently and the fact i've been stuck in the office alot at work recently rather than walking my beat) and its made me feel really shite about myself. i've been really really stupid to allow myself to put on so much weight and eat so much crap.

i'm going to try and lose that half a stone in the next 3 and a half weeks (which i should be able to) but mehhhhh, i'm getting all anxious, nervous and i feel shite. i've been looking forward to this holiday for so long but now, i'm wishing it wasn't so soon. i'm just fretting so much about being near so many skinny girls with perfect bodies. what is wrong with me? :(

i'm actually really paranoid about even standing next to them in photos (i pretend to look confident in photos but i'm far from it and well, right now, the thought of a camera coming near me frightens me). they are both so tiny and well, i'm not? i'm "the fat friend" and i don't want my stupid insecurities to get in the way of me having a nice holiday. its not my friend's fault they are skinnier than me.

has anyone else had this problem? :(

sorry, this is the lamest thread ever. i just needed to get it out. i'll probably delete this later on after realising how stupid i must sound.:banghead:

its just its been in my head all day and urghhhhhhhhhh.

eta: i'm only so paranoid because we are going to be in bikini's alot of the time by the pool, on the beach, etc. alot of me is going to be on show and it really scares me.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nope but, I've been the least educated person and that made me feel insecure, so I know that feeling insecure about something isn't nice. I hope you work things out with yourself and enjoy your holiday anyway.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its definitely not nice to feel insecure but seriously. size 8 right? NOT FAT. its a bit daft to be fretting over stuff like being taller than them, you cant change your height! should you only choose tall friends from now on?

    i do know where you're coming from but i doubt you're going to look obese next to them. say you're at the pool, you're sunbathing. do you honestly think people are gonna look at you 3 and think 'oh shes the fat one'. no chance!

    if you feel uncomfortable on pics try and not be in as many and demand the rights to them before they go on facebook. hehe. :]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Meh, you'll probably find out your friends feel insecure when you come out showing off your long legs or something. There's a huge difference between putting on a little bit of weight and being fat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're really that insecure then wear a one piece or a tankini or shorts or a tankini with shorts
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Amira wrote: »
    If you're really that insecure then wear a one piece or a tankini or shorts or a tankini with shorts

    :yes:

    Tankinis with those hot pant type bottoms are great for making you feel a bit more covered without feeling like a dinosaur.

    Also, when you're on the beach/by the pool/etc, people are generally too busy worrying about what THEY look like in their swim togs to give a crap about anyone else!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you could always kneel down to make you look shorter?

    They probably wish they were tall and elegant like you tbh. Most short people wish they were a bit taller. Grass is always green etc.

    And you know youre already skinny. Its ok to not be the very skinniest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kaff wrote: »
    :yes:

    Tankinis with those hot pant type bottoms are great for making you feel a bit more covered without feeling like a dinosaur.

    Also, when you're on the beach/by the pool/etc, people are generally too busy worrying about what THEY look like in their swim togs to give a crap about anyone else!

    you see, i'm actually the other way round...i actually find myself looking at other women's bodies as i'm secretely comparing them to my own. i'm awful for it...people probably think i'm a lesbian or something sometimes!

    its not my top half i'm too fussed about so a tankini probably wouldn't help. its my bloody bottom half. i'm a bit pear shaped you see. i have thunder thighs and a proper j-lo arse!

    the problem i've got is that i've gone out and bought lots of bikinis now.

    i might buy one of those sarong type things or something to keep my bottom half covered up!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Reading through this thread i think you are just about perfect to be honest, 5' 8" and size 8? I should think your friends probably feel insecure about their height when they stand next to you.
    I know at the end of the day its all about how we see ourselves that gives us our confidence but whenever i feel insecure i take a few minutes and look around and all i see is people going about their day not really taking much intrest in how i look, and there are always people who are shorter, taller , fatter or thiner than me.
    Just try to change how you think about this, get into the mindset that you are the tall slim pretty girl and all the others around you are the envious ones.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    youve got to remember, that NOT EVERYONE WILL BE LOOKING AT YOU. Seriously. Just because youre critical of other peoples bodies, doesnt mean most other people are of yours. You cant be a perfect goddess who is the best out of everyone and any less than total perfection will have them thinking youre huge and ugly. It doesnt work like that in the real world. Its all in your eating disordered head. Most people dont give a shit what you look like, and its narcissistic to think all eyes will be criticising you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    youve got to remember, that NOT EVERYONE WILL BE LOOKING AT YOU. Seriously. Just because youre critical of other peoples bodies, doesnt mean most other people are of yours. You cant be a perfect goddess who is the best out of everyone and any less than total perfection will have them thinking youre huge and ugly. It doesnt work like that in the real world. Its all in your eating disordered head. Most people dont give a shit what you look like, and its narcissistic to think all eyes will be criticising you.

    that all makes me sound really vain and horrible :(

    i don't criticise other people's bodies at all. when i look at other people's bodies, i'm just comparing myself thats all and not in a good way.

    i don't want to be a "perfect goddess who is the best out of everyone".
    i just don't want to be the fattest out of everyone which i am out of us three which is why i'm feeling a little self concious thats all. i have plenty of friends who are alot skinnier than me and it doesn't bother me. its just that i'm going to be the biggest one in this holiday thats all and because i do feel insecure, it makes me feel a bit panicky.

    sorry :( i probably shouldn't have posted this. i sound like a twat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im saying it because i have a tendency to it too and have to be reminded that people really arent looking at me
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'll come on your holiday with you, then you definitely won't feel fat. I'll just wobble my belly at you so you can see some sense :p.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you say you arent critical but what are you thinking when you look at other peoples bodies? if someone is fatter than you (which im pretty sure there'll be a lot of considering you are teeny) are you thinking 'well im skinnier than her, thats good' or what? or do you only look at tiny people?

    everybody secretly worries about their bodies but i think you're taking it a step too far when you're definitely not going to be the fat one. i agree with what suzy said, they probably arent happy with what they've got and are wishing they had long legs or were taller like you. ahh being a girl eh. hard work.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If I was going on holiday you'd be the kind of person I'd be looking at thinking "god I wish I had a figure like that". There will always be people who have "better" bodies than you and always people who have "worse" bodies than you (I hesitate saying better or worse though because to be honest it's just differences and variations rather than positives and negatives). Try to stop worrying - I would invest in a sarong for the first couple of days but I bet you once you get there and start chilling out and enjoying yourself you'll soon find you can't be arsed stressing about it. I was like that last time I had to wear a bikini and I have the biggest hang ups ever (and way more reason to worry than you by the sounds of things) :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you say you arent critical but what are you thinking when you look at other peoples bodies? if someone is fatter than you (which im pretty sure there'll be a lot of considering you are teeny) are you thinking 'well im skinnier than her, thats good' or what? or do you only look at tiny people?

    if i'm completely honest with you, i don't look at someone and think "oh i'm skinnier than her" or "they are fat". in my head, i'm NEVER complimenting myself. i never ever look at someone and criticise them. i am only ever critising myself. i can't help it. i wouldn't say i only look at skinny people but would say that i have a tendency to look at them more than say, a woman of an average size purely because i have a habit of looking at slim girls because i'm jealous of their figures. greeennn eyed monster, haha.

    eurgh. stupid head. i'm just being a silly little girl. hopefully one day i'll grow out of it, haha.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Recognising it as broken thinking is an important step in getting over it - so well done for that - just try not to be down on yourself about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You need to be proud of the way you look ok. Ok so you don't look like your mates but that's not a bad thing. I'm a similar shape and height to you (pear and 5'7") and I feel pretty confident in a bikini. No-one will look at you and think you look odd or whatever. Don't let it ruin your holiday.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Christ almighty - if I go on holiday I spend the vast majority of my time thinking about three main things:

    1. What cocktail shall I have next?
    2. Is it time to turn over?
    3. What fun stuff can my friends and I do now?

    And occasionally: 4. That boy has a Nice Bottom.

    For the critics among you, I'm 5'4" and a size 10-12, and to the OP, if I heard one of my friends saying something like this, I'd slap her. I'd hug her afterwards, but I'd slap her first. You have the opportunity to spend some quality girly time with the women in your life that you care about, in a beautiful sunny environment with lots of relaxing to do. Give your poor friends some flaming respect and spend some time thinking about your holiday instead of your arse.

    I'm sure your response to this will be that you are thinking about your holiday lots, but what I'm trying to say is: every time you catch yourself thinking about your bum in the next 3 weeks, think about something more positive, like what hilarious stories you'll have to tell your jealous workmates when you get back, or what silly games you can play with your friends on the plane. And if you catch the bum-thoughts slipping in while you're actually ON holiday, I refer you to the fail-safe list of four at the start of this post. :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This happened to me when I was fatter! Sob! I was a 16 went with 3 girls a size 6! Not good! Ended up staying in while they went out and I bought flights home 3 days early in the end! I do think it depends where u go tho we went magaluf n it's all bout sex etc! Best thing that come out of it was I come home n lost 3 stone to a size 12! Then fell pregnant :| but it's all good! I am obsessed with my weight now tho.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, sucks to be you I guess. Nothing you can really do, but I'm often in the same situation. I have a few of very sporty friends who tan easily. So when we go away on vacation they are built and tanned and I'm scrawny and white, but bam on the nude beach all eyes are on me :cool:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    Well, sucks to be you I guess. Nothing you can really do, but I'm often in the same situation. I have a few of very sporty friends who tan easily. So when we go away on vacation they are built and tanned and I'm scrawny and white, but bam on the nude beach all eyes are on me :cool:

    :naughty:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tbh until recently, I thought that my personality was uglier than my appearance, so didn't bother with my looks as I thought I'd only let people down if they fancied me enough to get to know me...

    So I was harder on myself for personality than anything.

    I don't really envy other women on their looks. I know that 'good looking' and 'thinner' women get more attention, but this isn't always a good thing. I think it can have its draw backs.

    I am on the road to losing weight anyway, for health reasons and because I am tired of feeling unfit and finding it hard to buy clothes. I covet more, women who are fit, rather than thin... But then I guess I'd say I look up to them more than feel bad about my own jelly belly. I am on my way to healthiness anyway.
    i don't want to be a "perfect goddess who is the best out of everyone".
    i just don't want to be the fattest out of everyone which i am out of us three which is why i'm feeling a little self concious thats all. i have plenty of friends who are alot skinnier than me and it doesn't bother me. its just that i'm going to be the biggest one in this holiday thats all and because i do feel insecure, it makes me feel a bit panicky.
    What makes you think that carrying the most weight is a bad thing?

    I think curvy women can be beautiful...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Id rather be married and live out the rest of my days with a real woman, not someone id be scared of snapping in half if I was on top in the bedroom and had her legs over my shoulders.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    Id rather be married and live out the rest of my days with a real woman, not someone id be scared of snapping in half if I was on top in the bedroom and had her legs over my shoulders.
    ha, a "real" woman. you make me laugh.

    are you saying skinny women aren't real then? thats really fucking horrible.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ha, a "real" woman. you make me laugh.

    are you saying skinny women aren't real then? thats really fucking horrible.

    that is what i thought when i read it.

    mr_g you cant really champion curvy women and in the same breath ridicule another body type.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dislike the whole curvy women being real women, surely women of all shapes and sizes are real.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    haha, mrG stands up for the chubbies and gets a a lot of stick for it.

    Schadenfreude is gut :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I'm sticking up for women of all shapes and sizes.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    haha, mrG stands up for the chubbies and gets a a lot of stick for it.

    It's cause he defended one type of body at the expense of another. Someone is not any less of a woman because she has to run around in the shower to get wet!

    He should have gone with the 'curvy women can be hot - skinny women can also be hot' approach. :thumb:
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