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Mind your own sodding business!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Don't you just hate it when friends interfere in your relationship?!
Increasingly my boyfriend's friends keep prodding us about when we're going to get married and it's beginning to get beyond a joke...(we're not currently engaged by the way)....
At the weekend we met up with some (married) mates and at one point when I had popped off to the loo my boyfriend mentioned that it was our nine year 'anniversary' this week and that started all the 'so when are you going to get hitched, then?' comments...and I think they were pressing him on why he currently feels pretty mixed about the whole idea of marriage. And the teasing continued - At one point one of his mates was singing to me, changing the lyrics of some song or other to 'I want to marry you!' and at another point his other mate's wife was asking me whether I wanted to get married, said although D is now very undecided she reckoned he was more likely to one day want to get married than another friend of ours is, and that hopefully she and her husband would show D that it is possible to have a very happy marriage, and together they would all put pressure on him (!)
Oh dear....
Thing is, I know it was all drunken ramblings, teasing etc. (and the crux of the matter is I think the lads are itching for another stag do!) but there comes a point where it all gets a bit uncomfortable. I would love to get married to him, I really would, and I don't think he is rigidly 100% against the idea (he has been the one to bring the subject of marriage up on a number of occasions) - but I know there are issues he needs to resolve before he feels comfortable about it - his parents breaking up in a messy divorce when he was 22 has someone jaded his views and part of him is very uncertain as to whether there's any point to it at all, so his opinions waver pretty wildly, and I just don't think it's helpful when friends keep ribbing him about the whole thing - it's bad enough when it's family, but mates...?! When it comes down to it, he'll sort things out in his own time. Maybe he'll propose one day, maybe he won't, but it just becomes annoying when our friends keep on interfering. Maybe I'm just getting over-sensitive about the whole thing.....
Has anyone else experienced similar? Did the friends get bored in the end?
Increasingly my boyfriend's friends keep prodding us about when we're going to get married and it's beginning to get beyond a joke...(we're not currently engaged by the way)....
At the weekend we met up with some (married) mates and at one point when I had popped off to the loo my boyfriend mentioned that it was our nine year 'anniversary' this week and that started all the 'so when are you going to get hitched, then?' comments...and I think they were pressing him on why he currently feels pretty mixed about the whole idea of marriage. And the teasing continued - At one point one of his mates was singing to me, changing the lyrics of some song or other to 'I want to marry you!' and at another point his other mate's wife was asking me whether I wanted to get married, said although D is now very undecided she reckoned he was more likely to one day want to get married than another friend of ours is, and that hopefully she and her husband would show D that it is possible to have a very happy marriage, and together they would all put pressure on him (!)
Oh dear....
Thing is, I know it was all drunken ramblings, teasing etc. (and the crux of the matter is I think the lads are itching for another stag do!) but there comes a point where it all gets a bit uncomfortable. I would love to get married to him, I really would, and I don't think he is rigidly 100% against the idea (he has been the one to bring the subject of marriage up on a number of occasions) - but I know there are issues he needs to resolve before he feels comfortable about it - his parents breaking up in a messy divorce when he was 22 has someone jaded his views and part of him is very uncertain as to whether there's any point to it at all, so his opinions waver pretty wildly, and I just don't think it's helpful when friends keep ribbing him about the whole thing - it's bad enough when it's family, but mates...?! When it comes down to it, he'll sort things out in his own time. Maybe he'll propose one day, maybe he won't, but it just becomes annoying when our friends keep on interfering. Maybe I'm just getting over-sensitive about the whole thing.....
Has anyone else experienced similar? Did the friends get bored in the end?
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I think the important thing to do is to make sure your boyfriend doesnt feel pressured by you or feeling like he has to propose just because (he thinks) its what you want. Let him know its ok to wait til he's 100% ready
Ahh no, that's the point. I'm very careful to try and avoid bringing up the subject. It's always been him - where would I like to get married? Would I take his surname? He doesn't like wearing rings. What would the first dance be? What about engagement? (the latter question being one very drunken night a few years back). If he proposed would I say yes?
He actually said last year he was 'neutral' about marriage, but he'd get married 'for me' and 'to make me happy'. I said then I would rather it was just him and me as we are than him getting into something 'just' for me.
Whilst as I said, I would love for us to do it, there's not a cat's chance in hell I would ever accept a proposal if I thought he wasn't proposing for himself as much as me.
He's very mixed up about it I think. And yes, I know our friends are only bringing it up in jest and certainly not maliciously, but sometimes it feels a bit like rubbing salt into the wound. Grrr.
One of his mates was in a relationship for 3 years where they had to rush to move in together (she was from abroad) and it all went a bit sour. Where he's all young and fancy free now he keeps trying to lecture my other half that he shouldn't get too serious with me, moving in together is a bad idea and he should know as he has experience. He also corners me on occasion and cross examines me about my plans for the rest of my life, criticising the fact I am quite happy to remain in the city we are in for the duration because of my boyfriend's job. He keeps poking at me saying "I couldn't do that. I've not experienced enough/travelled enough etc" but what he seems to forget is that I am 3 years older than him, have also lived with someone in the past, lived in London for 5 years living a bit of a crazy lifestyle which I've now outgrown and now met the love of my life. We just ignore him mostly.
I think a lot of relationship's get screwed up by one of two things, money or people interfering. I know that a lot of the time when people say things it does kind of get stuck in your head. However at the end of the day it's your life and your other half's life, ignore them. And then if they don't stop say your going to the Maldives or something to get married and you expect them each to stump up £4k for a plane ticket. That should shut them up!
When I started dating my bloke I told him I wasn't going to get married I thought it was worthless and so on. After that he felt he couldn't really propose or anything so he just kept his mouth shut. In the end I had to eat my own words and confess I wasn't so opposed to the idea after all. He ended up proposing two or three months after that and now we're both actually quite excited about planning the whole thing.
I think that a marriage is something that people should talk about, us women are so independent nowadays that I think many men are simply scared to bring it up, nevermind going as far as proposing without being sure first.
I think it's best just to not mind what your friends are saying. I think it's just the same as people asking when couples are gonna have a kid or do this or that. I think the root is just curiosity as of why you're not following the social 'norm'.
You could also just move to Iceland. It's common for people not to get married until they've popped out 3 kids and been together for years.