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To quit or not to quit?

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lyric wrote: »
    Well currently, I'm still living at home but I'm miserable. They treat me like a kid and we constantly argue and she doesn't even care that my birthday is coming up.

    I haven't really done any serious budgeting, but I have seen flats for about £50-£70 a week rent, and I would be able to afford that, as my boyfriend would be helping me out. Even if he wasn't, I'd still be able to pay that.

    And my mum changes her mind from one minute to the next. Sometimes she's like "Well, you can pay me so much every week" and then sometimes she's like "Just find a flat as soon as possible please"

    It's all very stressful.

    As I'm sure you're aware, moving out is an expensive business. I've lived away from my parents for the best part of ten years, and I continue to be surprised at how expensive it is. I'm not saying that you shouldn't consider it as an option, but it's definitely something you shouldn't rush into. If you're set on the idea, then it'd be a good idea to start putting some money aside - deposits and rent up-front is a chunk of money.

    Are you currently contributing financially toward the household? I think it might be worth taking the initiative and handing over some money to mum every week. It might settle her down and in turn make life easier for you. It'll also get you used to a regular outgoing - useful, if not vital, experience if you were to live on your own at some point.

    Remember, your mum's flippancy in regard to you living there is her problem, it's not something you should beat yourself up over. She's ostensibly an adult, and it's her responsibility to provide a stable, safe and loving atmosphere for you at home.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Apart from the benefits issue, the problems you're describing (especially being treated like a kid) are completely normal. I agree that you should suggest giving your mum a certain amount of money a week. I think you should talk to her when you're both calm and tell her you are willing to move out if you need to, but it's not your preference and you need to know what she expects you to do. If you're planning to go to uni you'll be moving out soon anyway, and it makes sense to stay at home if you can. That way you know you'll be able to finish college and might be able to save some money. It's good that you know how to deal with the financial aspect of moving out, but uni could make things more complicated. Even if you're going to a uni that's not far away, halls are still cheaper and part of the experience. You might regret having to live in your own flat this time next year. Is it possible that your mum doesn't want you to move out but has suddenly realised how much trouble she could be in? It sounds like she really does care about you, but is thinking about other things right now. It could be a good thing that your parents aren't as interested in your birthday as you would like, you can go to a club or something with your friends rather than doing a family thing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is it possible that your mum doesn't want you to move out but has suddenly realised how much trouble she could be in? It sounds like she really does care about you, but is thinking about other things right now. It could be a good thing that your parents aren't as interested in your birthday as you would like, you can go to a club or something with your friends rather than doing a family thing.

    I think she's worried about getting in trouble, yeah.
    And I have booked a party but my mum said she would do the food and pay for the balloons and now she keeps changing her mind and she is even planning on taking a holiday with my dad, sister and brother and coming back just one day before my actual birthday!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like you need to talk to her and tell her that you just need to know what she wants you to do, because you're future is going to be affected by what you do now and her inconsitency isn't fair. I don't have any direct experience of this, but I don't think your mum would be in much trouble anyway. I really don't think anyone will contact your employer to see when you started work, as I've said, in my experience they never check anything. If you say you started work a few weeks ago that will probably be the end of it. As far as I know, at 17 you're a dependent anyway and shouldn't be paying rent if you live with your parents, but I might be wrong. It sounds like maybe this situation has made your mum realise that she can't live like this for the rest of her life, and she sometimes blames you because it's easier. I might be completely wrong, but you do need to ask her to make a decision about what she feels you need to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lyric wrote: »


    I think she's worried about getting in trouble, yeah.
    And I have booked a party but my mum said she would do the food and pay for the balloons and now she keeps changing her mind and she is even planning on taking a holiday with my dad, sister and brother and coming back just one day before my actual birthday!

    I really dont understand how your mum can kick you out because she wont get as much money if you stay, and then plan to take a holiday.

    Some things are just crazy in this world.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    with your whole family except you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yep. My mum, dad, sister and brother.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id be inclined to think they were planning a surprise tbh. Not to spoil it or anything.
    Otherwise thats really mean.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nah they're not. They just know I don't want to go with them. Last time they went on holiday, I had to stay at my nan's.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Reading your first few posts Lyric, I know how you feel. I've been placed in the same situation beforehand. It isn't so terrible now that I'm 19, but since getting a job, it is slowly on the rise. My education suffered, don't leave college. I was, back then, kicked out because of troubles at home which reflected on me as a person (unenthusiastic, depressed, closed off etc) and since then I've tried (even getting myself into nearly £2,000 worth of debt) for a education to hopefully allow me to move into university, but even now that isn't working out so well (inb4 anyone saying "Why didn't you just go back?", simply put: it would have ended worse. Now that I'm 19 I won't be able to join a course without paying upfront fees of some sort even with my situation, because I'll be 20 this year. Free education is 16-19), I don't think it will be enough, still working out my options though. :crying:

    Hope you get things sorted.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you and I hope you do too :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    JavaKrypt wrote: »
    Reading your first few posts Lyric, I know how you feel. I've been placed in the same situation beforehand. It isn't so terrible now that I'm 19, but since getting a job, it is slowly on the rise. My education suffered, don't leave college. I was, back then, kicked out because of troubles at home which reflected on me as a person (unenthusiastic, depressed, closed off etc) and since then I've tried (even getting myself into nearly £2,000 worth of debt) for a education to hopefully allow me to move into university, but even now that isn't working out so well (inb4 anyone saying "Why didn't you just go back?", simply put: it would have ended worse. Now that I'm 19 I won't be able to join a course without paying upfront fees of some sort even with my situation, because I'll be 20 this year. Free education is 16-19), I don't think it will be enough, still working out my options though. :crying:

    Hope you get things sorted.

    I really could be wrong....but im good friends with a girl who started college when she was 19, BUT she turned 20 a couple of months later, and she gets it free just because she turned 20 after she enrolled, so it all depends on when you do actually turn 20.

    And, if you are 20 when you do enroll, im sure you only have to pay to enroll, which is a 100 pounds! and you might be entilted to ALG. Theres alot of people who are above 19 at our college :P

    Im so lyric for hijaking your thread! but I hope this helps Java
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    JavaKrypt wrote: »
    Free education is 16-19), I don't think it will be enough, still working out my options though. :crying:

    Hope you get things sorted.

    Being on benefits might also mean it is free. Phone up the college where you want to go and find out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    Being on benefits might also mean it is free. Phone up the college where you want to go and find out.

    :yes: I go Open Uni for free as I claim Working Tax Credits. Also IS I believe counts/entitles you to free education.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    Being on benefits might also mean it is free. Phone up the college where you want to go and find out.

    You can also get it free if you're not on benefits, are between 19 - 25 and don't have a level 3 qualification.
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