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suicidal

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
life without my partner is hurting too much. she left me 4 days ago she said she feels nothing for me, we have been together for 20 years,with the usual ups and downs of life, we always got through them.i cant see life without her, i love her with all my heart, the pain is so unbearable i cant go on.the first evening with out my angel i stood on the cliff looking down overlooking my favorite fishing spot ready too meet my maker,when it dawned on me this is my friends fav spot too and i was being selfish doing it there.i took a long look at the sea and said too myself not tonite and drove home hoping and praying she had returned.no such luck.the house is so empty without her i cant carry on the waves of emotion are killing me icant sleep eat or think straight im trying so hard but theres no point living without my dear angel.i just want the pain too stop. and the tears too dry up but they wont.i cant carry on.but im trying.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there nige

    Really sorry to hear about your loss - 20 years is a huge length of time to be in a relationship.

    I know its a few hours since you posted so just wanted to find out where you're up to? Have you been able to talk to any of your friends or spend some time with others who understand what you're going thru?

    If you want to talk in confidence, do contact the samaritans anytime and let us know how you get on too :)

    Take care
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just over 15 months ago, I thought my partner of (now) 18 years was going to die, without waking. While not the same thing, I have an idea of the pain you're going through. So I know you wont believe any of us when we say it will get better.

    But it will, in time. Sorry it's not much use.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thank you for your kind words. im trying to stay strong for my son whose only 18.he moved out last sunday to start his own life. i"ve always dreaded this day coming. just before he went i told him we will always be here if he ever needs anything, but now my partner has left i feel like i"ve told him a lie.this is unbearable. up until last week i had a family now its all gone, im pacing around the house like a loony, its been 5 days now with out hearing from them,it"s to much to take in. im sorry for writing this here i just cant talk to anybody about it,the words wont come out. life is so empty without them. the pain inside me wont stop. thoughts of jumping are so strong, its not the awnser but the pain would be gone.i love them so much.....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    May I suggest that you go and see your doctor? You may need medication to help you get over this period as you come to terms with your loss. When my uncle's wife left him, he was the same as you, but his doctor put him on medication and it was really able to help him clear his head and look at life rationally. Don't try and get through this on your own.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have something really precious to live for.. your son. Break ups can be painful for a while but they do get better. Please see a doctor.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you have any other family or friends you can talk to? Any friends that you can go and visit and spend some time with?

    It is going to be ok, but the first thing to do is set yourself small, manageable targets. You don't have to worry about the future, just worry about getting through today, making it through the next five minutes, the next hour, the next few hours till bedtime. You can do that, I know you can.

    What makes you happy, beside your wife and son? What do you like to do? You say you like to go fishing, can you do that today? You say you have a friend who likes fishing too, can you call him and invite him fishing? If so, go somewhere safe where there are lots of people around and you won't be tempted to hurt yourself.

    It will get easier, this initial stage will be the most difficult but once you get through it, as I know you will, it will gradually get easier and in time you'll start to feel happier and see the light at the end of the tunnel. There are people who care about you whose lives would be devastated if you commit suicide - your son, your friend, even your wife, who while she may no longer love you, doubtless still cares for you. You haven't lost your son. He may no longer live with you, but he will always be your son and will love and need you always.

    Hang on in there, and please keep posting, we're all here to help :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my dear friends, thank you for replying its nice to know your there, my son popped in this afternoon. he could only stay for 15minutes it was so nice too see him,we had a nice chat about how hes getting on and diffrent things, he said dad can i tell you something, of course son you can tell me anything i"m here for you, he told me about 3 weeks ago he overdosed on boost, (whats boost?) we chatted about it he said hes never done drugs before and will never do so again,this made all my prob lems seem so small. killing myself is not an option anymore. tomorrow morning i will visit the doctor and get help. i know now it will be hard and with time the pain will ease. staying strong and fighting is the only way forward, my son said he will look in on tuesday for a couple of hours i"m so looking forward to the visit. doing away with myself would of been so selfish, what was i thinking, all my thoughts will be positive, its as if something has been released from within. hard to explain. one day i hope my partner comes back. in the mean time my boy comes first.not me or his mum. at the moment tears are trickling down my face not with anger or pain just hope for the future. its hard to explain whats happened in the last couple of hours. even as i"m writing this i feel a little better. i"ve never typed anything on a website before so glad i have. i wish to thank those who helped me through this i have taken everything on board. maybe one day i could try to help others in the same way.:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi nige

    really pleased to hear that you're going to do some more reaching out and get support through this difficult time.

    take care and let us know how you go
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey,
    About a year ago my ex left me when I was coming down with severe depression, (he didn't know that at the time). Couple of months later I tried to overdose and it was the worst decision of my life. Don't put your son through that pain because what you are feeling now WILL pass at some point in the future, however if you did what you are thinking about imagine the pain your son would go through forever. Even if you don't have your partner at the mo you still have your son who loves you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello Nige,

    How did you get on at the Doctors?

    Take care :)
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