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Wish I Could go back and change this
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi everyone, this will probably be a long post but hope getting it off my chest will help.
3 years ago I met a beautiful girl, we shall call Jane. I worked at a leisure centre as a tennis coach, and I was close to some of her friends, some through tennis. She came up to me at the bar of this centre, and from the moment we spoke we had a connection. The day after we were in the pool at the club and we were like we had known each other years, everything felt so easy and so great. I loved her from that moment, but was too shy and too young to push it.
A couple of days later, I met another girl we shall call Anna. And she was fantastic too, we flirted and she was just one of the nicest people I have ever met. Now Anna was a bit more forward than Jane, and asked me to go out somewhere and I didn't see the harm, but Jane found out about this and got back together with her ex boyfriend. Now over the next 6 months me and Anna started going out, and I would definitely say I loved her, and she was very caring and always looked out for me and was just an incredibly nice person.
But the whole time that I was with Anna, I still thought about Jane, and we talked some nights on the phone for like 4, 5 hours. We spilled our hearts to each other and I left every conversation missing her. Her boyfriend was a drugged up loser, and I often would pick her up and console her at 3 or 4 in the morning because of how he treated her. It got to be about 8 months through and I told Jane how I felt about her but she rebuffed me and stood by her boyfriend. She told me later her boyfriend found out about the emails we exchanged and didnt want us to talk anymore, we didnt talk for about 4 months. I used to check her facebook profile every day looking for something saying that she had broken up with her boyfriend but it didnt come yet. I had deleted her number, and msn etc. but couldnt stop checking she was ok on her open profile.
A year went by, I had broken up with Anna a couple of times, because I knew that I loved Jane more, and I felt that I was being unfair on Anna, but we just kept on getting back together, leading me to hate myself as a person... I started to get more depressed or angry, and got into a lot of fights, would go out trying to find trouble, as I am a pretty good fighter ( I competed and did some teaching in thai boxing) I shaped up ok, but I really hated what i was doing and just despised myself a lot. Then about 6 months ago, I break up with Anna again, and soon after I find out that her Jane has broke up with her boyfriend. I add her on facebook a week or so later and she accepts me. Suddenly a little chat box lights up. She says hey, and my heart leaps out of my chest. We talk and then she says why dont i come round, i drive round straight away and we cuddle and talk all day. For that day my life is complete and I am the happiest I have ever been. We talked a lot next couple of weeks, she was going to uni at the end of summer, and we met up a couple of times. She went off to Uni and I was playing tournaments for a while and we didnt talk as much, it came to her birthday, and I bought her a sapphire necklace, and gave it to her friend. This is like last september, he friend gave it to her and she was amazed and really grateful.
I was away playing a tournament, when I really needed to know what could happen between us, I emailed her telling her some truths and how I felt for her, and I was sorry for all the mistakes i had made before. With Anna and not talking to her and stuff. She told me that she wasnt the same person as when we first met and she couldnt give me what she wanted... I died quite a lot inside. But I was just thinking how is this true because we had been just the same...
I just went into the hugest depression, I cried myself to sleep every night. I gave up playing tennis, going to the gym and thai boxing. I grew jaded of my coaching position at a top club and ended up getting fired, one of the reasons they gave me was that i had gone from being happy and sociable as a coach to being visibly down. I also had a sponsorship deal with adidas I let slip. One of my best friends was a girl called Alice who was Janes best friend, I couldnt see her because she reminded me so much of Jane.
I found out couple of months later that Jane had a new boyfriend, I was still in depths of depression and had achieved nothing in those months, was starting to run out of money and was seriously considering ending it all on more than one occasion. I went around looking for trouble again, found it against four people and got beaten up quite badly. But I didnt really care, I kinda secretly hoped one of them had a knife on them. I met up with Anna again, and we kind of see each other now, I hate it because I know now that although I love her, I'm always going to compare her to Jane,
Its been four months since, and ive just pulled myself together, Anna has pulled me through a lot, and I started talking to my friends again. Im now training again and looking for a new coaching job. But i cant forget about Jane, and i dont know what to do besides wait for another 2 years for her to break up with her boyfriend. I feel sick with what im doing to Anna too, but she seems so happy when shes with me and I want to make her happy but I feel im just making it worse all in all.
People are going to say just forget her, but I've been trying for almost 3 years to do that, Its a lot harder than you would think. It hurts me everyday, because i think of her so often. I just wanted to get this off my chest, and I know its really long, but i hope someone can give me a bit of advice. Thanks, and i appreciate you probably think I am a moron, Ive just made some bad decisions. I just spend my life wishing i could turn the clock back and change it.
3 years ago I met a beautiful girl, we shall call Jane. I worked at a leisure centre as a tennis coach, and I was close to some of her friends, some through tennis. She came up to me at the bar of this centre, and from the moment we spoke we had a connection. The day after we were in the pool at the club and we were like we had known each other years, everything felt so easy and so great. I loved her from that moment, but was too shy and too young to push it.
A couple of days later, I met another girl we shall call Anna. And she was fantastic too, we flirted and she was just one of the nicest people I have ever met. Now Anna was a bit more forward than Jane, and asked me to go out somewhere and I didn't see the harm, but Jane found out about this and got back together with her ex boyfriend. Now over the next 6 months me and Anna started going out, and I would definitely say I loved her, and she was very caring and always looked out for me and was just an incredibly nice person.
But the whole time that I was with Anna, I still thought about Jane, and we talked some nights on the phone for like 4, 5 hours. We spilled our hearts to each other and I left every conversation missing her. Her boyfriend was a drugged up loser, and I often would pick her up and console her at 3 or 4 in the morning because of how he treated her. It got to be about 8 months through and I told Jane how I felt about her but she rebuffed me and stood by her boyfriend. She told me later her boyfriend found out about the emails we exchanged and didnt want us to talk anymore, we didnt talk for about 4 months. I used to check her facebook profile every day looking for something saying that she had broken up with her boyfriend but it didnt come yet. I had deleted her number, and msn etc. but couldnt stop checking she was ok on her open profile.
A year went by, I had broken up with Anna a couple of times, because I knew that I loved Jane more, and I felt that I was being unfair on Anna, but we just kept on getting back together, leading me to hate myself as a person... I started to get more depressed or angry, and got into a lot of fights, would go out trying to find trouble, as I am a pretty good fighter ( I competed and did some teaching in thai boxing) I shaped up ok, but I really hated what i was doing and just despised myself a lot. Then about 6 months ago, I break up with Anna again, and soon after I find out that her Jane has broke up with her boyfriend. I add her on facebook a week or so later and she accepts me. Suddenly a little chat box lights up. She says hey, and my heart leaps out of my chest. We talk and then she says why dont i come round, i drive round straight away and we cuddle and talk all day. For that day my life is complete and I am the happiest I have ever been. We talked a lot next couple of weeks, she was going to uni at the end of summer, and we met up a couple of times. She went off to Uni and I was playing tournaments for a while and we didnt talk as much, it came to her birthday, and I bought her a sapphire necklace, and gave it to her friend. This is like last september, he friend gave it to her and she was amazed and really grateful.
I was away playing a tournament, when I really needed to know what could happen between us, I emailed her telling her some truths and how I felt for her, and I was sorry for all the mistakes i had made before. With Anna and not talking to her and stuff. She told me that she wasnt the same person as when we first met and she couldnt give me what she wanted... I died quite a lot inside. But I was just thinking how is this true because we had been just the same...
I just went into the hugest depression, I cried myself to sleep every night. I gave up playing tennis, going to the gym and thai boxing. I grew jaded of my coaching position at a top club and ended up getting fired, one of the reasons they gave me was that i had gone from being happy and sociable as a coach to being visibly down. I also had a sponsorship deal with adidas I let slip. One of my best friends was a girl called Alice who was Janes best friend, I couldnt see her because she reminded me so much of Jane.
I found out couple of months later that Jane had a new boyfriend, I was still in depths of depression and had achieved nothing in those months, was starting to run out of money and was seriously considering ending it all on more than one occasion. I went around looking for trouble again, found it against four people and got beaten up quite badly. But I didnt really care, I kinda secretly hoped one of them had a knife on them. I met up with Anna again, and we kind of see each other now, I hate it because I know now that although I love her, I'm always going to compare her to Jane,
Its been four months since, and ive just pulled myself together, Anna has pulled me through a lot, and I started talking to my friends again. Im now training again and looking for a new coaching job. But i cant forget about Jane, and i dont know what to do besides wait for another 2 years for her to break up with her boyfriend. I feel sick with what im doing to Anna too, but she seems so happy when shes with me and I want to make her happy but I feel im just making it worse all in all.
People are going to say just forget her, but I've been trying for almost 3 years to do that, Its a lot harder than you would think. It hurts me everyday, because i think of her so often. I just wanted to get this off my chest, and I know its really long, but i hope someone can give me a bit of advice. Thanks, and i appreciate you probably think I am a moron, Ive just made some bad decisions. I just spend my life wishing i could turn the clock back and change it.
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