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Hes not bothering with anyone
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I was close friends with a guy for over a year and he met girl who he is now living with and is planning on getting married to. Its been a year and he has virtually cut me off he only talks to me when the impression i get when his girlfriend isnt around which isnt often. He barely bothers with any of his mates. Even his family have moaned he hasnt bothered with them much at all. He has still got single status on facebook despite being with her a year (they both met while in retionships) and she sitll has pictures of her ex on her fb. I find it very strange that he is barely bothering with his friends and his family especially since he used to be such a social guy and now he doesnt really go out or anything
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Do you like him like him or are just worried for him?
The Facebook thing - mer, not everyone takes things like that seriously .. Boys in particular. There are some people who obsess over every detail and others who don't give it a second thought, which one of these is he?
E.g. obsesser - wouldn't want people to know he's with her
second thought - doesn't go on there much
If they spend an unhealthy amount of time together it's only a matter of time (this could be years though) until they break up. Which means nothing is likely to change in this time if any big changes do happen like say he suddenly starts going out more it will end in a break up anyway because their relationship won't be able to cope they will be too set in their pattern.
Do you think he's happy? Even if don't you have to think hard before you get involved. If he loves her try to love her too or if you can't do that keep a distance, if she hates you then he will be forced to choose and the paranoid girlfriend always wins.
I know its the norm but at the moment his life is work and her and no in betweens and would just liek him to snap out of it. I understand the whole honeymoon period thing but its been over a year!
He's happy. He's getting married, he's living his life. For goodness sake, let it go! Have you considered that the reason he doesn't talk to you much these days is because he realises you are unable to get the message that he's with someone else and he's happy?
She lives with his nan who has just lost her sister and he didnt even have the decency to pop round to see if she was ok.
And whether or not it is healthy, whether or not he is happy...it's none of your business. Let him live his life, and get on with living yours. Even if everything you say is true (which I doubt), it's not up to you. Perhaps he's stopped speaking to you, his aunt etc because he's tried of you all interfering in his relationship, deciding on his behalf that he's not happy and his girlfriend makes him miserable. If I had friends and family like that, I'd be pissed off and want to spend less time with them.
If you ever cared about this person at all, you will respect the fact that he's happy now and let him life his life with his fiance as he chooses. It's not up to you or his aunt or anyone else to decide that he's not happy. It's up to him, and from the sounds of things, he's doing perfectly fine.
How many times do you need us to say it? Why keep asking for advice, if you ignore any answers you don't like?
His aunt lives next door to his mom and has just lost a close famiily relative yet hasnt got the decency to pop round and say hi how are things. It is a case of letting him get on with it but doesnt make it right. And were not syaing he is unhappy its just a matter of how hes treating people in general
Yes, if you want to. Friendship is voluntary, it's reciprocal, it's something we enter into because it's mutually beneficial. If you don't want to be friends with someone any more, you don't have to be.
If you're doing that for bad reasons, then that might make you a bad person; but you've got a right to do so all the same. However, there's no evidence to suggest here that he either has ditched all his friends (other than your say so and you are hardly an impartial observer), or if he has done, that he wasn't entirely justified in doing so. If all his friends are like you, controlling and interfering and obsessive, and unsupportive of his relationship and of his right to live his life as he chooses, I'd say he's being perfectly sensible to ditch them.
What business is this of yours? Seriously?
And if he's behaving so terribly, why do you want anything to do with him anyway?
Whether his behaviour is right or it's wrong, for the love of God, it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. You're being an interfering busybody, and an obsessive. No wonder he doesn't want to talk to you.
Dont forget he was chasing me for a while before getting with this girl so am i supposed to say yeah u treated my like crap and now i think its wonderful youre getting married?
Here are your choices:
1) Accept that he's moved on and that he's happy, be a friend to him which means being supportive of his choices and of right to live his life as he wants to
2) Decide he's such a shitbag and has treated you so terribly that he's not worth being friends with anyway, cut your losses, stop thinking/talking/posting on messageboards about him. If you're right that he's treated you like crap, why on earth do you want anything to do with him anyway??
That's it.
Maybe he did treat you terribly and lead you on, and maybe you were best friends before and now he's ditched you, I don't know. But the fact is, you can't change him, you can't make him do what you want him to do, this is who he is now, this is the life he has chosen for himself. You've got to accept the fact that whatever romantic potential there might have been with you and him is over. It's in the past, let it go.
If you can't tolerate him as he is, then leave him alone, stop bothering with him, cut him out of your life and make new friends. Or you can make your peace with it, accept him as he is and be happy that he's happy.
But you've got to stop interfering and trying to control his life. It's pointless, you won't get what you want, you won't change him and you're wasting your life obsessing about him when you could be living it instead.
I don't know why I'm bothering, you are the kind of person this smilie was invented for :banghead:
I was going to say something along those lines. I agree with everything you're saying but if this poster is the same person as we all seem to think it is, they will have an answer for everything, won't take any advice on board and will only come back in a couple of weeks posting about the same thing. I would just leave it if I was you.
EASY PEASY!