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I know i should talk to him but im scared

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Should i dump him before he dumps me?
when i went to uni in stoke in october 2009 i got chatting to my friends brother online (he is a year older than me at a uni in the south where i am from) basically we talked for hours and hours and then exchanged fone numbers and texted and rang eachother daily and got very close we talked about being in a realtionship and he was excited to be able to introduce me to his friends as his girlfriend and we agreed to met up over the xmas holidays. he told me he really liked me, about how i was his ideal girl etc bt due to the snow we only managed to meet up twice. i had soo much fun, we talked for hours, however we didnt kiss, we hugged and flirted, i was planning on making a move before i went back to uni bt due to the snow we didnt manage to meet up however the second time we met i got the feeling he wanted to kiss me bt i was shy.

now we are both back and uni for the first two weeks as usual we were talking everyday etc. then one day he doesnt reply to my text so i left it thinking it was my fone playing up, he text 2 days later saying "heya, hows u? xx" for the past 10 days he has been a bit offhand, not always responding to texts etc, he still leaves flirty comments on my facebook status however he doesnt replly to my texts or if he does it is in a really distant way?

i know this isnt good news bt why would he have suddenly changed, i want to say something bt i dont want to make a big deal out of it so what should i say?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, first thing... you said he has a girlfriend?
    Believe me, it is not advisable to get into a relationship with someone who's taken.
    But if you really do want to be with him, why not meet up with him and ask him what he wants? You might not want the same things, he might just want a bit of fun.. or you might be the best couple ever. You'll never know until you ask him.
    And, whatever happens, remember there plenty more fish in the sea.
    Xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spot on...
    Talk to him and ask him what he's thinking about your relationship, if he want to play, just go away, he's not worth it

    Face it:thumb:




    Stay foolish,stay hungry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didn't see her say he already had a G?

    The only hope you've got of finding out what's happened is by asking him. It could be he's hit a hard part in his course, or he might have a cold, or he might have met someone else.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, first thing... you said he has a girlfriend?
    Believe me, it is not advisable to get into a relationship with someone who's taken.
    But if you really do want to be with him, why not meet up with him and ask him what he wants? You might not want the same things, he might just want a bit of fun.. or you might be the best couple ever. You'll never know until you ask him.
    And, whatever happens, remember there plenty more fish in the sea.
    Xx

    She never said that BA - reread.
    But aside from that, BA has good advice there. Just get it all out, but don't be too strong. Best to get it over with then be lead on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i really want to talk to him about this but i dont know how to approach the subject. as much as i like him i would rather know that ive lost him rather than be left wondering whats going on, he just confuses me, i was talking to him on msn a few nights ago for ages...then he texted me the next day to say he got this work placement and we texted for a bit, bt now its been 3 days and ive heard nothing.
    i cant stand this uncertainty so what is the easiest way to broach the subject?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some guys can be quite hard to fathom because they may seem to be all over you at one minute, and then withdrawn and distant in the next.

    I would suggest that he may genuinely like you - but if he was really into you, he would probably have made more of an effort. He may only tell you what he thinks you want him to say (yes, many guys are cowardly on that front) if you broach the subject with him - and then he will end up hurting you more.

    I wouldn't hold out for much happening here. Give it up, move on and see how he reacts. Actions speak louder than words after all. *hugs*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have to say on occasion I have been offhand with girls I liked because I was too shy and worried about rejection. But if its only the past 10 days or so he hasn't really been replying to texts maybe he is busy and stuff?

    I would suggest talking it through with him at some point, just give him a ring or whatever.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Teagan wrote: »
    Some guys can be quite hard to fathom because they may seem to be all over you at one minute, and then withdrawn and distant in the next.

    I would suggest that he may genuinely like you - but if he was really into you, he would probably have made more of an effort. He may only tell you what he thinks you want him to say (yes, many guys are cowardly on that front) if you broach the subject with him - and then he will end up hurting you more.

    I wouldn't hold out for much happening here. Give it up, move on and see how he reacts. Actions speak louder than words after all. *hugs*

    should i just leave it then and stop contacting him altogether? or should i try and talk to him about us?
    this has been really hard on me, we really opened up to each other about eveything, i had been badly mistreated by another guy in the past so it took me a long time to trust him, we told eachother everything, from details about past relationships to what we were thinking. this relationship..even as a long distance thing has been going on for almost 4 months, i feel really lonely and know its going to hurt even more whewn he is gone. i miss the texts, the emails, the cheeky facebook messages :( i have settled in really well to uni and love it here and he was the "cherry onthe cake" when we first started talking. id never met anyone who i could trust like i trusted him and he was the same back as he told me bout his parents who have a very bad relationship and it often gets upset at home as they constantly argue. sorry just needed to tell someone how i was feeling.

    but i realise he now probably doesnt want anything to do with me, i dont know why bt i feel we need to properly end it as i will probs see him again in the future when i see his sister (who is my friend) so i want to end it properly if thats what he wants so should i just come out and ask him what he wants or simpley give up and stop any contact?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't be too quick to assume it's over. If he is still leaving flirty messages on your Facebook page, he still likes you. You said in your first message that the second time you met up after Christmas, you thought he wanted to kiss you, but you were to shy to let him. It is possible that he is the one feeling a bit rejected. I should try and arrange to meet up next time you are home. You will soon get an idea of whether or not he is still keen.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    when you say that he maybe the one feeling a bit rejected.... ive never thought of it like that...how can i make him know that i really like him still and havent rejected him? i just dont know what to do, something has changed, especially when he does text they dont have the emotion they had before, they are often short and often abrupt?

    i just wish in someways i could wave a big flag..get his attention and be like I REALLY LIKE YOU :) im quite a outgoing person on the outside, he is probably less so and i think he lacks self confidence and i know he can be shy.

    i really dont want to lose him bt i dont want to overcrowd him, when we first decided we really liked eachother, it was because we had soo much in common, but at the same time he said that he couldnt believe why a girl like me would be interested in him as he isnt as outgoing as me but i do really like him. i guess i just want to know where i stand, i want him to know that i really like him, and what he is feeling...but im finding it really hard to approach the subject as im usually so happy when i do hear from him i dont want to spoil it by bringing it up. what can i do?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im usually so happy when i do hear from him i dont want to spoil it by bringing it up. what can i do?

    You're going to have to confront this fear at some stage. Why not text him with a cheerful message and suggest meeting on a particular evening next week for a drink and a catchup "'cos you've missed him"?

    Don't just give him an open question which he doesn't have to commit to ie. 'you wanna meet for a drink sometime?' Pin him down on a day that he either agrees to or a day that he suggests as an alternative.

    I didn't mean imply that you should have nothing more to do with him. I meant it in the sense that perhaps you ought not to waste any more feeling on him until he gives you the nod.

    But if you feel that it's him that feels rejected, start some bridge building and get back to the spot where he was almost about to kiss you. :flirt:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sometimes you just get a feeling something isn't right and if you have this feeling, confront it. For example, when my bf and I broke up, I knew something wasn't right cos the lack of texts started, the lack of "x" on the end of goodnight happened and I confronted. It was over. Sometimes you just get this feeling. Some call it paranoia. I call it intuition haha.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    update

    ok so i text him, i decided to go for the whole jokey are u ok or have u been abducted by aliens, he responded straight away then all weekend we were chatting, i mean both friday and sat night we stayed online talking for hours, he was texting normally and all. he apologised, i think he is having a bit of a hard time of it atm, he said to me that he wishes he could be himself around people, i wasnt really sure what to make of this but i was happy that he apologised about his lack of response and said that he had had a grumpy week really- i dont think it had been good.

    dunno if this is relevant at all but i knew he had been at the pub that night and when i text he was home, he was there meeting his friend alex and his girlfriend who are going to be living in the same house as my boyfriend next year, she brought some friends with her and when we were talking he said they were all quite desperate and not very good company..

    when were talking he kept being really sweet and flirty, part of the conversation got a bit random one night talking bout cardboard cut outs and having conversations with them (dont ask!) and then he said his housemates would probs be more surprised that he was talking to a pretty girl like me than a cut out. he complimented me more quite a few times and i thought maybe it would all be ok, then for the past 24 hours he goes silent again.

    i texted him last night but i didnt get a repy then i know i shouldnt have but i text him earlier as i had this really funny lecture i had to tell him about, but no reply, i think im even more confused now-what is going on with him? i cant understand where he is coming from, i mean he kept mentioning me coming down to see him in the next few weeks when we were talking online but now its gone silent again

    has anyone had this experience who could shed some light about what he might be thinking/feeling. i just dont know what to do anymore.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So, what you haven't said is whether you have arranged to meet up?

    My hunch is still that he likes you. Though may be he is struggling with the idea of a long distance relationship and trying to distance himself a bit. The trouble is that it is easy to hide behind text messages and the truth is that neither of you really know whether there is anyone else on the scene. He might be just trying to protect himself. You really need to meet face to face.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So, what you haven't said is whether you have arranged to meet up?

    My hunch is still that he likes you. Though may be he is struggling with the idea of a long distance relationship and trying to distance himself a bit. The trouble is that it is easy to hide behind text messages and the truth is that neither of you really know whether there is anyone else on the scene. He might be just trying to protect himself. You really need to meet face to face.

    i have arranged to go home next weekend to meet which i cant wait for. these past few weeks have been odd, i would say we talk to each other on msn bout 3 times a week, and he answered one of my texts this week. he is being really nice and flirty and there were quite a few compliments and all the msn converstations went on for hours at a time.

    however we had a really long chat yesterday on msn and he told me really liked the pictures that had gone up on facebook from a night out and then when we went to bed he said nigh gorgeous. so there must be some feelings there but then i text him earlier (id said i was going shopping and there was a joke about this last night) and i asked him if he had had a good day but i heard nothing.
    should i text him tomorrow as he is going to a convention that he has been looking forward to for ages?

    also he mentioned a lot about funny things we could do if i went to see him in newport (his uni), this is just a thought but this could be becuse i am overthinking it, but is it possible he is a bit annoyed i havent made more of a effort to go? im not sure. its hard cause when i do talk to him he comes accross like he really likes me and often talks about how pretty i am and stuff but we have also had more serious conversations about topics on our courses which sparked some interesting debates. im finding it really hard as he seems so hot then cold the hot and tbh its getting a bit fustraiting cause i really like him but i think i need some consistancy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im going to see him on friday and im really nervous, any words of advice? what should i say to make him talk about what he is really feeling?
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