Can't bring girlfriend to orgasm.

Former Member

I've just been told that my girlfriend "Can't orgasm with me"
We haven't had sex, but we have done a lot together.
Basically, now I feel like a useless piece of shit.
Help, please :crying:

Former Member

These things happen. Often it may be the case that your girlfriend is worrying about it too much, rather than any specific failing on your case. The only thing you can do is listen to her and ask her what she likes, and try to take the pressure off her. If shes not telling you if it doesnt feel nice... you can't do anything about that. If she's just stressed because you want her to orgasm and she feels like shes letting you down then you need to tell her not to worry, that you just want her to have a nice time and if an orgasm occurs - great - but its not the sole focus. It's about being together and sharing a lovely experience.

Former Member

ShyBoy wrote: »

These things happen. Often it may be the case that your girlfriend is worrying about it too much, rather than any specific failing on your case. The only thing you can do is listen to her and ask her what she likes, and try to take the pressure off her. If shes not telling you if it doesnt feel nice... you can't do anything about that. If she's just stressed because you want her to orgasm and she feels like shes letting you down then you need to tell her not to worry, that you just want her to have a nice time and if an orgasm occurs - great - but its not the sole focus. It's about being together and sharing a lovely experience.

I never told her to or expected her to at all, she knows that, and we are both kind of inexperienced.
She said it might have been nerves too, but I just feel so completely inept.
I dunno, i'm just really worried i'll never be able to return the favour, which makes me feel incredibly guilty.

Former Member

you do better next time. she relaxes a bit more. if i were you, i would have a lengthy session of just pleasuring her. EAT THAT PUNANI!

Former Member

justjames wrote: »

you do better next time. she relaxes a bit more. if i were you, i would have a lengthy session of just pleasuring her. EAT THAT PUNANI!

Thats why i'm worried; Last time, I spent pretty much the entire time pleasuring her in every way I could

Former Member

ok well perhaps you were going too fast or could be a bit gentler. perhaps she is anxious. tell us where do you think you need improvement?

Former Member

justjames wrote: »

ok well perhaps you were going too fast or could be a bit gentler. perhaps she is anxious. tell us where do you think you need improvement?

She said she doesn't know, I just can't get her to orgasm.
She enjoys it, and I can get her close, but not all the way.

Former Member

can you get her close with oral?

be creative with milk :thumb:

Former Member

justjames wrote: »

can you get her close with oral?

be creative with milk :thumb:

Oral is my strongest point, supposedly.

Former Member

I have kind of the same problem. I'm single now but have never had an orgasm during sex or one thats been brought on by someone else, despite being brought close many times. For me I think its something to do with letting someone else see me in that vunerable (and quite personal) moment, and I just get too tense and stressed about it.

Can she orgasm by herself? If she knows what will get her off it will make it easier for her to tell you. Make sure next time that she's controlling everthing you do and ask her to tell you, faster, slower, gentler, harder, up, down, whatever she needs.

Also, I know it must be difficult to not be able to pleasure your partner like she does you, but dont rub it in and say 'Oh i feel so guilty, my ego is crushed bla bla bla', because then she'll feel like she's letting you down and may end up faking just to please you.

Former Member

Lexi99 wrote: »

I have kind of the same problem. I'm single now but have never had an orgasm during sex or one thats been brought on by someone else, despite being brought close many times. For me I think its something to do with letting someone else see me in that vunerable (and quite personal) moment, and I just get too tense and stressed about it.

Can she orgasm by herself? If she knows what will get her off it will make it easier for her to tell you. Make sure next time that she's controlling everthing you do and ask her to tell you, faster, slower, gentler, harder, up, down, whatever she needs.

Also, I know it must be difficult to not be able to pleasure your partner like she does you, but dont rub it in and say 'Oh i feel so guilty, my ego is crushed bla bla bla', because then she'll feel like she's letting you down and may end up faking just to please you.

I didn't say that stuff to her, and she knows i'd never say it. On the contrary, I don't care about my pleasure, it's hers that matters to me.
She can get off by herself, and it's literally just me it would seem. Even doing the things she does can't bring her to orgasm

Former Member

OK, so you can't get her off yet. That's sad, but not the end of the world (Easy to say, not an easy place to be). Next time, when you get her close, ask her to finish herself off - you can be holding her, possibly kissing her.

Former Member

Big Gay wrote: »

OK, so you can't get her off yet. That's sad, but not the end of the world (Easy to say, not an easy place to be). Next time, when you get her close, ask her to finish herself off - you can be holding her, possibly kissing her.

Yeah, I thought of something like that, i'd just feel really weird saying it, if you know what I mean.
But yeah, I probably will.

Former Member

its important to be consistent when youre doing it

Former Member

justjames wrote: »

its important to be consistent when youre doing it

Yeah, true

Thanks guys, I guess I just completely freaked, but I feel better now

Former Member

if only i could put into words what my tongue is doing right now.

Former Member

justjames wrote: »

if only i could put into words what my tongue is doing right now.

Shame

Former Member

justjames wrote: »

if only i could put into words what my tongue is doing right now.

who is "words"

Former Member

I can personally recommend you buy, read and learn the contents of this book inside out http://www.amazon.co.uk/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0285637223

Less than a tenner and the skills will last you a lifetime! If she's never been able to have a guy pleasure her to orgasm, teacing you will be especially difficult. Even if she has experienced orgasm with a guy that isn't you, it still doesn't place her in the best position to teach you how to do it.

Former Member

katralla wrote: »

I can personally recommend you buy, read and learn the contents of this book inside out http://www.amazon.co.uk/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0285637223

Less than a tenner and the skills will last you a lifetime! If she's never been able to have a guy pleasure her to orgasm, teacing you will be especially difficult. Even if she has experienced orgasm with a guy that isn't you, it still doesn't place her in the best position to teach you how to do it.

Thanks
And no, i'm the first guy she's even been sexual with.
Actually, I was her first hug, kiss, everything.

Former Member

you'll be her first break up eventually perhaps

Former Member

justjames wrote: »

you'll be her first break up eventually perhaps

We've been on and off for a year, but I wasn't her first breakup, kthnx.

Former Member

fish94 wrote: »

We've been on and off for a year, but I wasn't her first breakup, kthnx.

safe

Former Member

justjames wrote: »

safe

Say wha?
Please explain the context of that

Former Member

It means 'sound' or 'cool' afaik.

Former Member

Well, I recommend the book Iposted. If you go through it with her and see what she wants to try from it, that would be a good idea. there are detailed instructions and pictures on where to put your hands, how to use your fingers, how much presure to use, how to incorporate your tongue, how to build up a routine from first sexual yearnings through to how to keep her at the place she needs to be to get to orgasm.

The book isn't perfect, and no I'm not on commission, but if you read it together you will be able to take what works for you two from it and then use those pounts as starting points of sexual communication o build her pleasure up in a safe way to her orgasm and/or satisfaction.

Former Member

katralla wrote: »

Well, I recommend the book Iposted. If you go through it with her and see what she wants to try from it, that would be a good idea. there are detailed instructions and pictures on where to put your hands, how to use your fingers, how much presure to use, how to incorporate your tongue, how to build up a routine from first sexual yearnings through to how to keep her at the place she needs to be to get to orgasm.

The book isn't perfect, and no I'm not on commission, but if you read it together you will be able to take what works for you two from it and then use those pounts as starting points of sexual communication o build her pleasure up in a safe way to her orgasm and/or satisfaction.

Yeah, I really will look into getting it
Edit:
Turns out, it was just nerves etc, we're fine now
Thanks guys

Former Member

fish94 wrote: »

Thanks
And no, i'm the first guy she's even been sexual with.
Actually, I was her first hug, kiss, everything.

Very cute. Reading this has made me think you'll definatly be able to work through it without any books or special ways of doing things!! Always remember, CLITORUS!!:p

Former Member

I don't think my boyfriend or any man could ever bring me to orgasm becauseI can only orgasm with the speed and precision of my own fingers. He wouldn't do it correctly.

Former Member

Maybe it's her fault not yours. Some women can't orgasm to certain sex moves/acts. Try something differen't. They say the best Sex position is the Reverse Cowgirl.

Former Member

Well, if you are really determined to help give her an orgasm you could ask her to try one of those topical arousal oils? There are some that actually do work...An example that comes to mind is the nonprescription topical oil Zestra, which has been proven to increase a woman's ability to have an orgasm in published studies. Two placebo-controlled studies published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy showed that the blend of plant derived ingredients and vitamins provided women with a significant increase in arousal, desire, geni_al stimulation, ability to orgasm & pleasure. Of course, before trying anything, even if it is nonprescription, she should talk with a doctor.
Another thing you might want to ask her to try is Vitamin E.
When used locally in the vagina it can help rehydrate tissue and may possibly increase sensation.