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Peom
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
im entering this into a contest for my english class and would love
some feedback, por favor.
Fun is what you have,
Love is what you find.
Flirting is what started the search.
Break is what happened.
Why is the question.
Something is the cause.
Yet, Nothing is the answer,
But Finding is the task.
A solution you cant find.
A problem you still have.
A memory you forgot.
A friend you lost.
or the last line is
"Another you may go."
like another way but i dont think i like that.
also i think i might change all the 'the's in the second verse to 'your's
some feedback, por favor.Fun is what you have,
Love is what you find.
Flirting is what started the search.
Break is what happened.
Why is the question.
Something is the cause.
Yet, Nothing is the answer,
But Finding is the task.
A solution you cant find.
A problem you still have.
A memory you forgot.
A friend you lost.
or the last line is
"Another you may go."
like another way but i dont think i like that.
also i think i might change all the 'the's in the second verse to 'your's
0
Comments
This raises some interesting thought and issues but I thin it could be taken further if you still have time to develop it?
This is actually my favourite stanza:
A solution you cant find.
A problem you still have.
A memory you forgot.
A friend you lost.
But I'n not sure how it fits with the rest of the poem that seems to be about heartbreak?
I agree, everything else... spot on!