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Might I be gay? - some advice please
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi everyone,
I just wanted to ask your opinions on something - only really out of curiousity more than anything else. I hope you don't mind too much.
Well, the thing is.. I'm a 37 year old skinny guy, male and a virgin. I haven't had a girlfriend yet, but don't get me wrong, I'm fairly happy with my life and am pretty active doing racquet sports.
At my sports club there's this really nice, slim 19 year old Chinese boy, Zeng who I chat to a lot about what we're playing etc. Now I'll be honest and say that I fancy the pants off him literally and think that he's really hot and attractive. We've known each other for over 2 years but I've only really felt this way about him for the last year or so. I'd like to take things further with him but I'm like really inexperienced sexually. Should things ever get to that stage I'd want to use condoms and lube but would need advice about anal intercourse because the last thing I'd want to do would be to hurt his bottom. I just feel that French kissing Zeng and making passionate love to him would just feel amazing - hopefully for both of us.
My first sexual feelings came when I was 14, in the school changing room staring at another 14 y/o boy's bare bottom while he was bending down finding his underpants. When I was 21 I did dance at a party with my neighbour's attractive female cousin who was 17 at the time but I've never properly kissed a girl. I have been seen naked by a girl when I was 26 and showering at my sports club - this 19-20 y.o. girl walked into the men's room trying to find her boyfriend but instead found me showering totally naked!! I was a little bit embarrassed but found the experience mildly sexual too, probably because she was attractive maybe?!
So, you see, I've got these really strong feelings for Zeng and yes, I've found some girls attractive too. Do you think my feelings for Zeng are an infatuation just because of his youthful and slim oriental looks (I'm sorry to keep mentioning about him being Chinese) or something a lot more because I haven't felt quite this way about any one else.
Thanks for reading and it would be really great to hear what you think my sexuality may be and what I should do to be more intimate with Zeng.
David
I just wanted to ask your opinions on something - only really out of curiousity more than anything else. I hope you don't mind too much.
Well, the thing is.. I'm a 37 year old skinny guy, male and a virgin. I haven't had a girlfriend yet, but don't get me wrong, I'm fairly happy with my life and am pretty active doing racquet sports.
At my sports club there's this really nice, slim 19 year old Chinese boy, Zeng who I chat to a lot about what we're playing etc. Now I'll be honest and say that I fancy the pants off him literally and think that he's really hot and attractive. We've known each other for over 2 years but I've only really felt this way about him for the last year or so. I'd like to take things further with him but I'm like really inexperienced sexually. Should things ever get to that stage I'd want to use condoms and lube but would need advice about anal intercourse because the last thing I'd want to do would be to hurt his bottom. I just feel that French kissing Zeng and making passionate love to him would just feel amazing - hopefully for both of us.
My first sexual feelings came when I was 14, in the school changing room staring at another 14 y/o boy's bare bottom while he was bending down finding his underpants. When I was 21 I did dance at a party with my neighbour's attractive female cousin who was 17 at the time but I've never properly kissed a girl. I have been seen naked by a girl when I was 26 and showering at my sports club - this 19-20 y.o. girl walked into the men's room trying to find her boyfriend but instead found me showering totally naked!! I was a little bit embarrassed but found the experience mildly sexual too, probably because she was attractive maybe?!
So, you see, I've got these really strong feelings for Zeng and yes, I've found some girls attractive too. Do you think my feelings for Zeng are an infatuation just because of his youthful and slim oriental looks (I'm sorry to keep mentioning about him being Chinese) or something a lot more because I haven't felt quite this way about any one else.
Thanks for reading and it would be really great to hear what you think my sexuality may be and what I should do to be more intimate with Zeng.
David
0
Comments
well, firstly, you can be into men and women. I am bisexual, but prefer guys, some people are the other way round and some people like everyone equaly.
If, and this doesn't apply to you, you have never had feeling of sexual nature towards anyone then you could be asexual.
Anyway, back to your question, yes it is possible you are gay but only you can find this out. The only way is to try things I guess. Everyone is scared at trying new things, and the only way to learn is to experiment! If you do get into a relationship with this man, or anybody else, it is best to be honest to start with and say you aren't very experianced but would like to try things. You just have to find what is right for you.
Xx
If you think you are, then you may indeed be. You alone have to figure it out
Has Zeng given you any indication that he might be interested in you? You may be barking up the wrong tree.
I used to be Crying-Angel haha x
and to the OP let us know how you get on
Xx
Hey - thanks for all the response guys and girls!
You've been really helpful here and given some good advice. I guess you're right I may be bi/gay or even curious but you've made me feel so much better about 'going with the flow.' I suppose I could do some subtle flirting with Zeng to see if he feels the same or has any sexual feelings towards me as some of you here have suggested.
But why does human sexuality have to be so complex? I mean is it possible to actually be straight and have gay feelings towards the same sex or does the individual have to have a certain amount of 'gayness' in their genes?
Anyway, thanks for all your answers so far as they are appreciated.
David
Hmmm I think of it as a scale... as in 'very straight' being at 0% and 'very gay' being at 100%. And then people grow up to be a certain percentage, and then assign themselves to these boxes/labels. So for example two guys who class themselves as straight - a guy at say 5% may never have any feelings towards another guy, but another guy at 40% may have quite a few feelings towards other guys but he still classes himself as straight. Basically... trying to say that these labels actually don't really mean much, its a personal thing and sexuality is up to you... not some definition.
(on the note of genes - its interesting because there are cases of identical twins with one being gay and the other straight)
In general it's not. People just make it complex by trying to make it fit in with their preconceptions.
To be honest, you've not put much down that suggests you're straight.
:yes:
Interesting point Big Gay but in my thread post at the beginning I mentioned that I was turned on a bit when the 19 y.o. girl accidentally saw me naked in the mens changing room showers. I mean, she was attractive and as well as being a little bit embarrassed I was kinda aroused because I noticed her taking a look at my penis for about 2 seconds. I sometimes fantasize about the incident and I guess it would fall into the CFNM category. But - at the same time a fantasize about 19 y.o. Zeng a lot more as I think he is soooo hot!
So, at the moment I'm not really sure what my sexuality is!
David
As the others have given you lots of advice I just wanted to pop in with a few links for you.
Don't know if you've seen our section on sexuality - it has a useful article on exploring your sexuality.
You could also call the London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard on 020 7837 7324 - you don't have to live in London, and you can chat to them about how you're feeling in complete confidence.
David
Yes he is indeed younger and I would obviously make sure that he is comfortable with 'taking things further too'....t.b.h. I look pretty young for my age as a lot of people think I'm around 25 or so - which is pretty cool in some instances.;)
David
Yeah... and I can get served at a bar... It's not always good you know! Honestly the best policy.
Xx
But that could be as much due to you being an exhibitionist, or being turned on by embarassment, as it could be due to you being straight.
It doesn't mean much that you haven't mentioned the straight stuff - after all it's the attraction to the young oriental lad that's making you think, but you possibly do need to think about what women mean to you, and what you mean when you think of a woman as attractive.
Out of the mouths of babes ...
I wish you luck, and hopefully one day you'll find out who you are
Xx
Eh? Since when, once people have reached the age of legal consent, do we still feel the need to assume that we can judge another person's relationship because of the age gap? Next we will be telling people not to sleep with the same sex again!!! The age difference is not an issue to anyone but Zeng. If Deng is 19, he can sleep with a geriatric for all I care. He's got a brain. It's his body and his decision.
*clears throat* A study was done saying that 5% of the population is COMPLETELY straight, and 5% is COMPLETELY gay. The rest are in the middle.
i wasnt thinking of it like that, more as, if i was 19 and a 37 year old male OR female tried coming onto me i would find it highly uncomfortable. when i was 19 my 40 year old boss constantly would make suggestive comments to me and asked me out on dates and it was pretty horrible. was just throwing that out there.