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Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I feel so stupid!!!!!
sorry i'll introduce myself,
im 23 i live with my girlfriend who i love very much and i am in the army. i love animals and animal care do alot of charity work (fun runs and endurance events etc), pretty fit love the gym and generally quite happy with life. i struggled alot growing up being extremely poor homeless etc. anyway, i would generally consider myself happy and hopefully a nice person but i have a HUGE problem...
ever since i asked my girlfriend about her previous sex life about two months ago i cant think of anything else, she basically left photos of herself and her ex on her phone, and i asked her who he was, and what he was like and so on. i ended up hearing alot more than i was ready for she has always been honest trust worthy and reliable but then ... eg ....
ME: did you ever cheat on your ex?
GIRLFRIEND: oh yea all the time (laughs casually)
ME: so have you ever had a threesome then?
GIRLFRIEND: yea at work actually with two guys i met that day...dont no why, they just asked me to so i did.

and so you can see my problem BUT it gets worse. it started off as just simple things.. asking her who she was calling or what a text said but now i am obsessed:banghead: every time i think of her and i am not there i assume someone else must be.. but the worst part is that when i picture her with two other guys or lovingly kissing her ex like in the photos, i get really sad, then i get really angry and the longer i think about it the worse it gets until i hate her so much i cant resist an outburst, i have to pick a fight all the time and when im drunk i am horrible to her.
in short i really dont want to be a nasty person i try very hard to be a good person in my life and do good things, and my advice to myself would be to leave her, but i love her so much and i have suggested that we split ammicably but she just bursts in to tears and insists that she loves me. i really do believe her and love her but i just cant drop it
what do i do pleeeeaaaaase any advice will help
thanx :(

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi blue2878,

    First of all - don't feel stupid!! As I'm sure loads of people on here will tell you, this kind of jealousy is really common in a relationship - and not an easy thing to manage! You've made a good first step by recognising that it's something you might need some advice and help with.

    A lot of people feel that one of the hardest things about relationships as you get older can be coming to terms with the fact that your partner has been with other people in the past - especially if you are quite an insecure person anyway! But it can be overcome if you want to work on it - and it does sound like you and your girlfriend love each other, even if things are not always easy. You might find it helpful to have a look at this article on jealousy.

    Would it help to have a proper talk to your girlfriend about how the way she refers to cheating on her ex and her past sexual relationships makes you feel uncomfortable? Perhaps you just need some really strong reassurance from her that the past is in the past? The BBC has a good page on techniques for communicating about difficult issues - they recognise it isn't always as easy as just sitting down and having a chat!

    It might also be worth thinking about how you can stop yourself when you get into these spirals of being sad, then angry, then arguing with your girlfriend. It's great that you recognise that it is something in your head rather than something she has done each time. Perhaps you or you and your girlfriend together could work out something you can tell yourself when you feel yourself starting to feel this way.

    Hopefully this has given you some ideas on how to get started managing this - if you find things don't get any better you could consider giving Relate a call or an email. They might be able to give you some extra suggestions.

    Best of luck and keep posting :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hm, I can think of only three things.
    1. leave her
    2. take strong drugs
    3. Go and live in Tibet as a monk.

    On further thought, even combinations of these three are possible.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey

    Go watch 'chasing amy' the film. Dont push her away then live in regret.
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