struggling

Former Member

hey well this is my first proper post so....
well basically my big prob is self harm. i cut up my arms and its getting pretty bad.....no-one knows except one friend, but she thinks im physco and avoids me now so she`s no help. I wouldnt even try to stop if it werent for the fact that im pretty suicidal all the time. i guess i think that if i stop the sh the suicidal thoughts wont be so bad. i dont really want to tell anyone for fear of being diagnosed with a mental illness, but i realise that if i dont stop then ill be dead before i hit 16.
the reasons why i self-harm.....im depressed (tho i havnt been officially diagnosed), i have an addictive personality, i use it to deal with emotions in a way which involves no mental ability, i use it to cope cos my family life is pretty shit, but i have NEVER used it just to look cool. ive been called emo before, but i wouldnt cut myself to fit in. it reely annoys me wen i hear people doing it just cos someone else says to.
its not nearly as much as i used to but it is deeper than ever, and im reely resisting the urge to do it right now. NOTE: sitting with a razor in front of you is NOT a good idea. i usually regret it after cos blood goes everywhere, but it doesnt seem to stop me when i want to do it the next time. i guess i just need someone to talk to.....

Former Member

Hey As much as you probably don't want to hear it Gp's are usually great on stuff like this!

But if you don't want to, there is loads of stuff on thesite to help you understand more, or see that there are alternatives ( i should know lol)

I'll post a few links that may be helpful.

http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/depression
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm
And even though i never needed to go i found this relaxed me a bit http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/whathappensataande

And there is always someone here to talk to if ya need to

Former Member

thnx for the reply
i just get soooo shy with things like mental health.....i think that ill prob tell my mum about it in feb sometime if i feel up to it :S
the A&E thing was very good thnx for the link.
And btw i luv paramore and misguided ghosts too

Former Member

heya,
welcome to the boards - i have issues with self harm as well....and bulimia....but the self harm consists of cutting, laxatives and water pills.
it is important that you get advice from your gp about this - it does not mean that you have a mental illness - it could be depression and maybe anti depressants that are serotonin boosters may help you to look into why you feel the need to s/h....you need to be ready though and although ive been s/h for a long time now - i dont feel that i can live without it yet.
im glad that you have come on here to chat to us = as there is always someone that can help....
hope that you are ok
lots of love
jennie
xxxx

Former Member

i really feel for you... i keep coming across your posts and it amazes me that these things still go largely unoticed. i really hope you can stop, only because you are heading down the same path i went down and its horrible my STRONG advice is to talk asap. to parents teachers better friends than the one you spoke to your GP anyone who will listen because i wish i did... i really do. please take my advice you will be amazed how common things like this are and feeling depressed for no apparent reason is normal. you you just need to find better coping mechanisms for bad situations or feelings. self harm is a hard one to stop because it becomes a compulsion, you are commiting to hurting yourself by scarring your body but your not going as far as suicide. please just be brave and talk most people understand these sorta things x:)

Former Member

im still feeling really suicidal and still SHing. I dumped my boyfriend of a year and am regretting it, ive been struggling with coursework and keeping with my friends. Apparently i depress them.
I managed to stop for 2 weeks but then i just went back to cutting.....and attempting suicide. I only did it once, and not very successfully. I tried to slit my wrists, but i only bruised the veins and went across not along my arms, and the cuts healed over within a couple of hours. So i woke up the next morning, still alive, sore, and loads of blood on my sheets. But the most hurtful part is that my mum never even found out. Seriously.
I havent tried to kill myself since then but ive been cutting pretty badly, so i think if i manage to make it past my birthday on the 30th then ill try to tell my mum. I dont know how she will react, and ill prob chicken out before then, but whatever. I know now that i need help, and quitting life might not even be a solution, cos i dont know what happens after death. But try telling me that when i have a bottle of pills in my hand and a suicidal tendency in my head.

Former Member

re

Hey iamnotarobot,

Sorry to hear your having a a rough time of it lately and that your mates aren't there for you like you would like them to be. From what you've said in your posts it also sounds like you would like to talk to someone about how your feeling which is a really positive thing. Have you considered talking to someone professionally trained and who will keep your confidence? here is some info on counselling, a counsellor is someone whom you can talk to in confidence about the issues that you have mentioned, they are neutral and also have a confidentiality code they have to stick to.in the mean time remember you dont have to be alone with these issues ,the site is always here.

keep posting :wave:

Former Member

am still struggling just with life. School is actually so stressful, especially with a full and partial GCSEs coming up in june.
I switched to a pencil sharpener blade, which just says how bad i have got, that even a razor doesnt go deep enough any more.
A question.....if i were to go to my school councillor and told her about everything, suicidal feelings and all, would she HAVE to tell someone, or could i tell her not to? Or, if i only told her about the sh would she have to tell someone?

Former Member

Heyy
If you specifically asked them not to tell anyone, they probably wouldn't, but you might want to check the confidentiality policy first if you're worried about them saying anything. It's great that your thinking about going to speak to them tho, that's the hardest bit, so well done:)
Keep going, you can get through this

Former Member

Hi iamnotarobot, you may want to read our article on understanding confidentiality , particularly the paragraph on 'parental rights'. It'sMEE is right though, different schools will have different policies but they may have to tell someone if they think you're in any immediate danger especially as you're under 16. The important thing to remember is that they will only be doing what they think is best for you to get the right support for you. You did talk about opening up to your mum but not right away, perhaps talking to someone at school could help you build up the courage to do that? *hugs*

Former Member

hmm well i think what im going to do is go into her office when i am ready, ask her about the confidentiality policy, and if she says that she has to tell someone else then ill just not bother but if she doesnt then ill talk to her.
Im DEFINITELY not going to someone else in the meantime, ive done that before and it definitely did not do any good.