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My turn with a problem!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, now I don't usually post my own problems on here, I'm usually giving advice, and I'm usually not in sticky situations, but I have a problem now, that I REALLY need advice for.

My best mate Carl, is going out with this girl who I used to be real pally with. But nowerdays she's been the bitchiest girl I think I've ever met! And she is an absolute bitch to Carl as far as I can see.

1. Firstly, before they started going out, she used to hate his guts! Then he asked her out, then all of a sudden, she loved him to bits. Now this startled everyone, because she used to bitch BADLY behind his back!

2. Secondly, about a month into the relationship, I discovered that she was cheating on him, from her sister. I had a word with her, and she said she'd end it, and to not tell Carl what was going on, now because I was REAL good mates with her, I agreed, although I wasn't happy about it.

3. Thirdly, there's a guy that she talks to all the time, and she's always going on about him to all her mates, me, but she's careful never to mention him around Carl, basically, they're apparently 'best mates' although I've talked to him, and he's like 'yeah whatever'. Earlier on about March time, he started to fancy her, and she him, and they would flirt like crazy!! The thing is, she will go on about other lads, but when it comes to Carl, she never even thinks to mention him!!

4. Fourthly, she has even started to tell him who he can and can't talk to!! He spoke to me in private about it, because he was real depressed that she was doing this to him!! I called it 'pulling a Vixy' because that was his previous girlfriend, and she was a control freak and treated him VERY badly. But everyone hates her now so moving on...

5. About a couple of weeks ago, I found out she cheated on him AGAIN, and I spoke to her about it! She had the nerve to blame her sister for it aswell!! Saying to me that it's hard to say no to someone's face blah blah blah yadda yadda etc.

6. And finally, over the past few weeks, she's been attention seeking, EVERY single day!! She's been acting VERY wierd towards me, and I have NO idea why, and she's been slagging me off to Carl!!

Okay, now that was long, sorry about that, but I need seriously, to know what I should do!! I don't want to tell him, because he'd be so broken hearted, they've been together 6 months now, and he would be so upset and I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to tell him because I know I'd get grief about it, and I don't think I should tell him, I think he needs to hear it from the horses mouth if ya get me! But I can't just sit there and let it all go by, he's like a brother to me, but it's not my place to say!! Please PLEASE help me!!

Lexi

xx

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: My turn with a problem!!
    Originally posted by QuEeN FrEaK
    I don't want to tell him, because he'd be so broken hearted, they've been together 6 months now, and he would be so upset and I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to tell him because I know I'd get grief about it, and I don't think I should tell him, I think he needs to hear it from the horses mouth if ya get me! But I can't just sit there and let it all go by, he's like a brother to me, but it's not my place to say!! Please PLEASE help me!!
    xx

    hmm... well he might be broken hearted if you tell him but wont he be even more broken hearted if your meant to be his best friend and you didn't tell him? would you want him to do the same for you? i say go for it, it might not be fun to do, but this poor guy needs to know what's going on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well i think he definately needs to find out. the longer this happens, the worse it will be when he does find out. try to scare her by telling her that if she doesnt change, or doesnt start to give carl abit more respect, then you will tell him. even though your not gonna actually tell him, make her think you are. tell her it would be much better for him to hear it from her. also make her realise what a bitch shes being. although you say that you would get grief about it if you said anything, and its not your olace to say, in the long run i think he'd prefer you let him know. if he finds out about all this and hears that you knew all along, then this will just make him feel even worse. if hes like a brother to you then you should really be able to tell him whats going on without worrying about it. he needs to know and surely he'll see that your just looking out for him. tell him that you were scared to say anything but explain why youve told him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I reckon shes trying to turn him against you so that if you do tell him she cheated on him, he wont believe you... :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    o you have the hots for him?

    Personally I think you sound quite jealous and should be very careful, If you do tell him about it it is quite likely to backfire. He really likes your friend, she has been slagging you off to him, WHO'S HE GOING TO BLAME when the truth comes out?

    If he likes her he will be blind to her nastyness and will blame you as the bearer of bad news. He will shoot the messenger.

    Why not get some distance from your mate and from him and let them sort it out? He may be a mate of yours but he CHOSE to go out with your friend and HE needs to accept the situation he is in.

    If things with her other male friend DO start to become something more then maybe tell her boyfriend then but at the moment you are leaping in before there is any real evidence.

    It really does sound to me like you are jealous in some way. If this girl is such a two faced person and likes to bitch so much about people (Including him before they went out and you after) then do you need her as a friend?

    Get some distance. You have nicer friends I'm sure? He may be one of them but trust me - getting involved in the gossip of another persons relationship is not a wise move
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well considering I said I USED to be pally with her, but I think she's the bitchiest lass I think I've ever met, or did ya miss that part?

    And why would I be jealous? I already have him as my best mate, I don't need him to be anything else, plus I already have someone who I love despite what people think!!

    I don't understand why I can't just be best mate, without people thinking I want anything else!!!

    Oh what's the use, looks like you've already made your mind up!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    NO really I didn't mean to make assumptions. It's just that it sounded like she was more your mate than he is! just read it again and that's obviously not what you were saying.
    HOWEVER....

    I really would advise you not to get involved in another couple's relationship unless you really feel that he will trust your word against hers and won't take it out on you. If you are that close and you know she can't do any real damage to your friendship with him then go ahead but be very sure he won't take her side.

    I'd drop her completely as a friend as she is really not doing you or him any favours - by this I mean don't even get involved in the slagging she does about other people - show her that you won't put up with it.

    My guess is she's been slagging you off to him because your friendship (His and yours) is a threat to her relationship and the lies she is telling.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tell you mate. Simple

    he may hurt now, but I dread to think how he will be later on after another 6 month and finds out you kept this from him!!

    It will kill him, be a best mate by him and tell him...Do it now!!!!

    You can't go wrong with honestly

    But I think you best mate already know his gf cheating on him, I mean you say in his last relationship his gf was the boss of him, Maybe he likes it that way. and lets his new gf walk all over him. All you can do is tell him and walk away from it all. Let them deal with it.

    Your mate is well and truly pussy whipped

    (Sorry I'm not in a very good mood right now) I wish your mate all the luck, I doubt his gf really cares for him otherwise she would treat him better. But we don't know what go's on behind closed doors!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh I'm sorry everyone, I didn't mean to be rude or nasty, it's just all this is getting to me! I think I just need to go through it all in my head before I make any decisions, thank you all for your advice, it's all been helpfull in it's own way!

    xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi Queen, just saying I agree with all of the posts, except Byny's first post (agree with his 2nd though). You really should tell him, and i've seen this kinda situation on soaps, films etc. before. Someone doesn't tell a friend about something like this, the friend finds out and gets mad at the person who knew about it (In this case, you) and they never wanna see each other again.

    But that is all fiction, its never happened to me in real life. Also, I don't think the post did sound nasty, coz you said sorry if it did above.

    From Chris
    PS: Thanks for all the replies you've gave me, don't think I've ever said thanks for it. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's okay Chris, that's what I'm here for. Thank you too. You're a cool dude.

    Keep it real.
    xx
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