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Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, I'm in a kinda weird situation with my Ex.
We finally properly broke up two months ago because of almost constant bickering, it was slightly more her idea than mine, but I agreed that it was probably the best thing for us. We've been on really good terms since and often got into very very very nearly kissing positions and still like to affectionate with each other.
It all started to go wrong on Saturday; I bought myself a gig ticket for Biffy in May. When I spoke to her that night it turned out that it was going to be my Christmas present... I felt that she reacted quite badly to it, I didn't really feel like I should apologise because I didn't feel like I'd done anything wrong, I suggested that she could sell it and there was lots of time before the gig. She put the phone down on me (which I hate). I spoke to her straight after and said sorry anyway. I suggested we both went or I would buy it off her and sell it myself. She just complained that I'd ruined my own present, said why do I bother to do nice things for you and then told me not to bother coming over the next day.
I tried to get in touch with her in the morning, but she didn't reply. (She is at uni really close to where my Nan live and as my family were going down there anyway I thought I'd do as she had asked me previously and pick up some gig tickets from her parents on the way). When I got there she just grabbed the stuff off me and told me to leave. I got majorly fucked off and started a shouting match, asking her why she wanted to hurt me again, followed by being majorly upset by how she was being. However we hugged things out and carried on with the evening.
We bickered a little over bits and pieces, but had some laughs too. Then she didn't make enough rice... Which was the catalyst to her getting really upset and crying alot about her fears that everything she will do will fail, her degree, her job, her life basically and almost implying that she had had suicidal thoughts.
I did my best to comfort her for the next couple of hours and we watched a film in bed, she was kinda silent, but not in a moody way. Well then I got a text from my mum saying my nan wasn't feeling well and wanted them to leave earlier and asked me to come back 30 earlier, half 10 instead of 11. I tried to explain why I had to leave early, but she just shook her head and held on to me.
When it got to about 10:40 I explained that I really had to go and hoped that she understood. When I got up she just flopped on the bed and pulled the covers over her, wouldn't say goodbye or anything. I was worried about her and I really wanted to get a response for her, but nothing was happening and it was making me upset. In the end she said "just go". I felt really bad, so I left and said I'd understand if she didn't want to talk, but maybe tomorrow and left the room.
Now I'm not good with locks, but her door would not open any which way... I went back to her to tell her and she just got me to take her keys, but no, it still wouldn't open
Ok, I'm in a kinda weird situation with my Ex.
We finally properly broke up two months ago because of almost constant bickering, it was slightly more her idea than mine, but I agreed that it was probably the best thing for us. We've been on really good terms since and often got into very very very nearly kissing positions and still like to affectionate with each other.
It all started to go wrong on Saturday; I bought myself a gig ticket for Biffy in May. When I spoke to her that night it turned out that it was going to be my Christmas present... I felt that she reacted quite badly to it, I didn't really feel like I should apologise because I didn't feel like I'd done anything wrong, I suggested that she could sell it and there was lots of time before the gig. She put the phone down on me (which I hate). I spoke to her straight after and said sorry anyway. I suggested we both went or I would buy it off her and sell it myself. She just complained that I'd ruined my own present, said why do I bother to do nice things for you and then told me not to bother coming over the next day.
I tried to get in touch with her in the morning, but she didn't reply. (She is at uni really close to where my Nan live and as my family were going down there anyway I thought I'd do as she had asked me previously and pick up some gig tickets from her parents on the way). When I got there she just grabbed the stuff off me and told me to leave. I got majorly fucked off and started a shouting match, asking her why she wanted to hurt me again, followed by being majorly upset by how she was being. However we hugged things out and carried on with the evening.
We bickered a little over bits and pieces, but had some laughs too. Then she didn't make enough rice... Which was the catalyst to her getting really upset and crying alot about her fears that everything she will do will fail, her degree, her job, her life basically and almost implying that she had had suicidal thoughts.
I did my best to comfort her for the next couple of hours and we watched a film in bed, she was kinda silent, but not in a moody way. Well then I got a text from my mum saying my nan wasn't feeling well and wanted them to leave earlier and asked me to come back 30 earlier, half 10 instead of 11. I tried to explain why I had to leave early, but she just shook her head and held on to me.
When it got to about 10:40 I explained that I really had to go and hoped that she understood. When I got up she just flopped on the bed and pulled the covers over her, wouldn't say goodbye or anything. I was worried about her and I really wanted to get a response for her, but nothing was happening and it was making me upset. In the end she said "just go". I felt really bad, so I left and said I'd understand if she didn't want to talk, but maybe tomorrow and left the room.
Now I'm not good with locks, but her door would not open any which way... I went back to her to tell her and she just got me to take her keys, but no, it still wouldn't open! I went back to her again, but she just told me to figure it out... I went into her back garden, no way out there either! I was getting really panicky now! I had to go back to her again, this time pull the covers off her and plead for her help, she stormed out of the room and down stairs, shouting at me, telling me I can't do simple things and blaming "My idiocy" or words to the same affect, she couldn't undo the door either (I think her housemate locked it in some way when she went to work) and stormed upstairs shouting at me telling me that she didn't want to see me again tonight. Luckily there is no fence between her and her neighbour and I caught him just before he locked up.
We were supposed to be going out on a day I planned next weekend.
I sent her a Facebook message and a text the next day saying sorry. She didn't get in contact with me until Tuesday, but only to tell me off for contacting her friend to check she was ok (although thats not how I asked her friend) we text argued after I told her if she knew why I was worried, she said it didn't seem like I cared when I left. I told her to think about how upset I was again and how she hurt me with what she said. I tried and failed to get hold of her the next day. She texted me at 1:30 in the morning asking if we should talk. I said maybe tomorrow. She said Forget that I bothered. I tried to explain the awful day I had (caught skiving, thus on a disciplinary and lost my debit card) and that I just wanted to sleep, but she told me she wasnt going to bother with me again for a long time.
I tried to talk to her in the next few days, find out why she didn't care about our day out, then asking her why she didn't want to see me before xmas. I have OCD and anxiety issues and she know I worry about her irrationally sometimes. She hadent been on facebook in ages so I texted her this morning to ask her to just reply and then called her house phone, her dad answered and she was shouting at him and I just hung up, after that she text me saying that "I shoudn't stalk her and to stop calling her house phone" (I had once before in the week by mistake).
I texted back saying that I only did that because she wouldn't call back, told her that I had really felt the need to talk to her (she's my best friend and the only person I REALLY pour my heart out too) and I wanted to know why she wasn't bothered about me anymore. Her reply said there was so much irony in my text, that I can "fuck off with statements like that" and that I'd made things so much worse, that she doesnt have to contact me if she doesnt want to and she wont from now on. I just told her I was confused.
And I am. The week before she probably called me 3 times a day, said how much she loves me, cant wait til she sees me etc. So I don't know how what happened changed her so much. It really ruined my Christmas
We had planned to see each other more, not not at all!
Part of me feels like why be friends with her, another part still really wants to be with her if we argue as friends anyway!
I'm sorry this is so long, boring and poorly written, but I just wanted to get it out and see what you guys thought. I'm a poster on here myself, but I'm going to be incognito... :cool:
We finally properly broke up two months ago because of almost constant bickering, it was slightly more her idea than mine, but I agreed that it was probably the best thing for us. We've been on really good terms since and often got into very very very nearly kissing positions and still like to affectionate with each other.
It all started to go wrong on Saturday; I bought myself a gig ticket for Biffy in May. When I spoke to her that night it turned out that it was going to be my Christmas present... I felt that she reacted quite badly to it, I didn't really feel like I should apologise because I didn't feel like I'd done anything wrong, I suggested that she could sell it and there was lots of time before the gig. She put the phone down on me (which I hate). I spoke to her straight after and said sorry anyway. I suggested we both went or I would buy it off her and sell it myself. She just complained that I'd ruined my own present, said why do I bother to do nice things for you and then told me not to bother coming over the next day.
I tried to get in touch with her in the morning, but she didn't reply. (She is at uni really close to where my Nan live and as my family were going down there anyway I thought I'd do as she had asked me previously and pick up some gig tickets from her parents on the way). When I got there she just grabbed the stuff off me and told me to leave. I got majorly fucked off and started a shouting match, asking her why she wanted to hurt me again, followed by being majorly upset by how she was being. However we hugged things out and carried on with the evening.
We bickered a little over bits and pieces, but had some laughs too. Then she didn't make enough rice... Which was the catalyst to her getting really upset and crying alot about her fears that everything she will do will fail, her degree, her job, her life basically and almost implying that she had had suicidal thoughts.
I did my best to comfort her for the next couple of hours and we watched a film in bed, she was kinda silent, but not in a moody way. Well then I got a text from my mum saying my nan wasn't feeling well and wanted them to leave earlier and asked me to come back 30 earlier, half 10 instead of 11. I tried to explain why I had to leave early, but she just shook her head and held on to me.
When it got to about 10:40 I explained that I really had to go and hoped that she understood. When I got up she just flopped on the bed and pulled the covers over her, wouldn't say goodbye or anything. I was worried about her and I really wanted to get a response for her, but nothing was happening and it was making me upset. In the end she said "just go". I felt really bad, so I left and said I'd understand if she didn't want to talk, but maybe tomorrow and left the room.
Now I'm not good with locks, but her door would not open any which way... I went back to her to tell her and she just got me to take her keys, but no, it still wouldn't open
Ok, I'm in a kinda weird situation with my Ex.
We finally properly broke up two months ago because of almost constant bickering, it was slightly more her idea than mine, but I agreed that it was probably the best thing for us. We've been on really good terms since and often got into very very very nearly kissing positions and still like to affectionate with each other.
It all started to go wrong on Saturday; I bought myself a gig ticket for Biffy in May. When I spoke to her that night it turned out that it was going to be my Christmas present... I felt that she reacted quite badly to it, I didn't really feel like I should apologise because I didn't feel like I'd done anything wrong, I suggested that she could sell it and there was lots of time before the gig. She put the phone down on me (which I hate). I spoke to her straight after and said sorry anyway. I suggested we both went or I would buy it off her and sell it myself. She just complained that I'd ruined my own present, said why do I bother to do nice things for you and then told me not to bother coming over the next day.
I tried to get in touch with her in the morning, but she didn't reply. (She is at uni really close to where my Nan live and as my family were going down there anyway I thought I'd do as she had asked me previously and pick up some gig tickets from her parents on the way). When I got there she just grabbed the stuff off me and told me to leave. I got majorly fucked off and started a shouting match, asking her why she wanted to hurt me again, followed by being majorly upset by how she was being. However we hugged things out and carried on with the evening.
We bickered a little over bits and pieces, but had some laughs too. Then she didn't make enough rice... Which was the catalyst to her getting really upset and crying alot about her fears that everything she will do will fail, her degree, her job, her life basically and almost implying that she had had suicidal thoughts.
I did my best to comfort her for the next couple of hours and we watched a film in bed, she was kinda silent, but not in a moody way. Well then I got a text from my mum saying my nan wasn't feeling well and wanted them to leave earlier and asked me to come back 30 earlier, half 10 instead of 11. I tried to explain why I had to leave early, but she just shook her head and held on to me.
When it got to about 10:40 I explained that I really had to go and hoped that she understood. When I got up she just flopped on the bed and pulled the covers over her, wouldn't say goodbye or anything. I was worried about her and I really wanted to get a response for her, but nothing was happening and it was making me upset. In the end she said "just go". I felt really bad, so I left and said I'd understand if she didn't want to talk, but maybe tomorrow and left the room.
Now I'm not good with locks, but her door would not open any which way... I went back to her to tell her and she just got me to take her keys, but no, it still wouldn't open! I went back to her again, but she just told me to figure it out... I went into her back garden, no way out there either! I was getting really panicky now! I had to go back to her again, this time pull the covers off her and plead for her help, she stormed out of the room and down stairs, shouting at me, telling me I can't do simple things and blaming "My idiocy" or words to the same affect, she couldn't undo the door either (I think her housemate locked it in some way when she went to work) and stormed upstairs shouting at me telling me that she didn't want to see me again tonight. Luckily there is no fence between her and her neighbour and I caught him just before he locked up.
We were supposed to be going out on a day I planned next weekend.
I sent her a Facebook message and a text the next day saying sorry. She didn't get in contact with me until Tuesday, but only to tell me off for contacting her friend to check she was ok (although thats not how I asked her friend) we text argued after I told her if she knew why I was worried, she said it didn't seem like I cared when I left. I told her to think about how upset I was again and how she hurt me with what she said. I tried and failed to get hold of her the next day. She texted me at 1:30 in the morning asking if we should talk. I said maybe tomorrow. She said Forget that I bothered. I tried to explain the awful day I had (caught skiving, thus on a disciplinary and lost my debit card) and that I just wanted to sleep, but she told me she wasnt going to bother with me again for a long time.
I tried to talk to her in the next few days, find out why she didn't care about our day out, then asking her why she didn't want to see me before xmas. I have OCD and anxiety issues and she know I worry about her irrationally sometimes. She hadent been on facebook in ages so I texted her this morning to ask her to just reply and then called her house phone, her dad answered and she was shouting at him and I just hung up, after that she text me saying that "I shoudn't stalk her and to stop calling her house phone" (I had once before in the week by mistake).
I texted back saying that I only did that because she wouldn't call back, told her that I had really felt the need to talk to her (she's my best friend and the only person I REALLY pour my heart out too) and I wanted to know why she wasn't bothered about me anymore. Her reply said there was so much irony in my text, that I can "fuck off with statements like that" and that I'd made things so much worse, that she doesnt have to contact me if she doesnt want to and she wont from now on. I just told her I was confused.
And I am. The week before she probably called me 3 times a day, said how much she loves me, cant wait til she sees me etc. So I don't know how what happened changed her so much. It really ruined my Christmas
We had planned to see each other more, not not at all!Part of me feels like why be friends with her, another part still really wants to be with her if we argue as friends anyway!
I'm sorry this is so long, boring and poorly written, but I just wanted to get it out and see what you guys thought. I'm a poster on here myself, but I'm going to be incognito... :cool:
0
Comments
If I'd have to guess a reason there's probably something wrong in the way you two communicate, there's some gap between you that makes her hissy and you don't understand what's going on so you don't know how to react which probably pisses her off more and you're set off in a downward spiral.
I think your best bet would be to drop contact with her for her and your sanity. However, perhaps if you try a different tactic in your communication the two of you will break out of the cycle. I don't think you're over her so why don't you just stop trying to apologise for nothing (really, how can you get mad that somebody bought a concert ticket for himself?) and tell her that you care about her and would like to spend time with her/meet her before christmas/whatever it is you want. You can also tell her that if she's really serious about not wanting to talk to you again then you'll respect her wishes. Take a bit of control.
Just don't focus on the negative shit you've been dealing with, rise above it and cool your head before you start text arguing. That's really lame. Also, don't go calling people asking about her. You get lots of well deserved minus points for that.
And perhaps this just isn't meant to be. Sometimes it's just best to walk away and remember the lesson to be learnt. The easiest part to ruin in a relationship is the communication. It's often really difficult while/after arguing about unimportant things to swallow your pride and change the energy going on. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just decide to stop trying to 'win' the argument and confessing that you care about the other person and don't want to let whatever is going on ruin the day. It's often enough to calm things down.