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S.I Relapse.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
First post, hello everyone! I need to rant :P

I'm 16, been depressed for more or less the whole of the last 5 years and I started cutting in 2008. It took me a year to stop, but now I just feel like starting again. I get so caught up in these tiny social interactions and think I've done something wrong and I get just so unbelievably stressed. Since last year I've also become really paranoid about everything and have started having huge anxiety issues. I've started drinking more than I used to as well.

I used to at least be able to distract myself with studying for exams but this year I'm in transition year (big waste of time year you do when your 16 in Ireland) so we never do anything. I've just got so much time to think and I'm just exhausted. I hate my friends and I hate my school. I just don't see the point in waking up anymore. I'm so bitter and tired and nothing makes me happy.

I'd prefer not to start cutting again because it took me so long to stop, but I'm already in a really dark place, why shouldn't I have the one thing that would make me feel better for all of 5 minutes?


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One of the things that can be done when you feel like cutting is to find something that gives the effect you get from cutting without the damage. Some people use a rubber band on the wrist, and when they get a bad thought, they ping it to interrupt the process.

    For others, that isn't strong enough a sensation - so another idea is use ice cubes. If you clutch a piece of ice tightly in your hand for long enough it will begin to hurt like hell; but you won't be left with a scar and you'll be very unlikely to end up with any sort of damage.

    Of course, this is only a stop gap; obviously things need to change for you to feel better. You say you've been depressed for five years - thats a long time for anyone, especially someone so young.

    Are you currently getting any form of treatment?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im trying to stop atm - av bin s/h on and off for the past 4/5 years - i hate doin it - i hate the sight of it but i seem to be unable to cope without it......but i want to....i tried the rubber band n the ice cubes n just nufin - not the same....so annoyed with myself and s/h is gettin deeper atm as it doesn't have the same effect as b4... :'(
    how did u stop for so long??
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    was there any specific reason on why you stopped? i mean, other than thinking that self-harming was bad or unhealthy, was there something else that you thought of on why you should stop? am asking this because if you're able to pinpoint why exactly you stopped in the first place, maybe you can just relive that moment in your head. re-thinking your motivation to stop before may help in pushing aside these thoughts.

    i've been cutting myself for a little over a year (which was like a couple of years ago) before i stopped. the main reason why i stopped was because i didn't like how people were reacting; they always tried talking to me or seeing what they could do for me. so when i decided to stop, it was because i didn't enjoy being pitied by my friends and family. so whenever i feel like doing it again, that thought helps me to still the temptation. so, like what i said, if you're able to just focus on why you stopped self-harming, maybe it'll help do for you what it did for me.

    in terms of wanting to stop the behavior all together, it would be wise of you to reflect on why you started to begin with. from this post, it seems that your feelings of anxiety are what perpetuates this behavior. if that's so, then something you can try and do is to relax. i know that it's easier said than done, but you lose nothing by trying. when you start to feel like harming yourself again, just take deep breathes and think of something good and something happy. i know that looking for your 'happy place' seems like a really dumb cliche (probably because it is) but for some people it really works. you say that you hate your friends and your school and that you just don't see any reason to wake up in the morning anymore (join the club ;) ). but am pretty sure that it's not always been like this. try and think back to better times. maybe when you were drinking or hanging out with your friends or something that made you laugh your ass off. again, these things are easier said than done, but at least try. sometimes, reliving positive experiences does good things to the mind.

    if you're having real big problems with controlling this impulse, then i would suggest getting professional help. seeking out the help of a psychologist is not the worst thing in the world. :)

    Peace, dude.
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