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How to deal with chasing up family about money?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Basically, when my grandad (dads dad) died he put money in trust for me, and cause i started uni at 18, me and my mum decided that it might be a good time to get it transferred back to me, just in case there ever came a time i needed to use it, and my father is useless so if i desperately needed it, i'd never see it. So we wrote to him about it, and on my 19th hes sent me a useless cheque basically, so i sent it back to him, with a sorta general life letter, and hes still not got back to me (my birthday was july) i finally got his mobile number off my auntie (his sister) and i definately need to call him about it this week.

As an aside my bitch of a stepmother has apparently been going off on one (but she'll use any excuse to say bad things about my mum) saying it was all my mothers idea, and that shes basically made me lose all this money from the trust fund, when in actual fact im loosing out on very little and in actual fact im extremely pissed off shes pretending she has my interests at heart

But what im looking for is help in the way to chat to him, cause all i wanna do is scream abuse at him, cause im just sick of his bullshit

This has turned into more of a rant than i wanted it to, but yeah help on how to handle chasing him up would be much appreciated

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Who are your trustees? They are legally responsible to see that the money is invested for your best interests. Normally, a trustee would be independent of your dad and mum ... What lawyer did they use to draw up the trust? If your dad has sent you a dud cheque, you could sue ... I would be inclined to seek a legal opinion from Citizen's Advice in the first instance.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like from what you have written and how you have worded it that you have a hell of a lot of pent up aggression with your father, as you said in another thread he 'stole' the money - he has not stolen it he has simply followed the way the trust fund is supposed to work and not paid you it.

    The problem is if he is the trustee of the account then he has say over if you get it before the date that the contract says you should get it, and when he sen you a 'useless' compromising cheque you sent him it back with a 'general life' letter - which can say a lot but i assume it was in some way abusive/hurt his feelings which is maybe why he has not spoken to you since July (unless it was explaining your own situation in which case oops i got that bit wrong and maybe he is taking a standpoint that you refuse to accept compromise)

    The last thing you should do is phone him and start screaming that he has stolen your money, or abuse him, or get snappy with him because a trust fund has an age release clause for a reason - you have to be mature enough to take the money and not piss it up the wall - so the way to act is in a mature fashion.
    Ask him for the money, say its because you are at university and now is the best time for you to have it. If he says you have to wait until you are supposed to get it then you need to get a lawyer and legal advice and it will end up costing you.

    In the end you need to speak to your dad with neutrality/respect if you want respect back, going in with all guns blazing never ever works.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like from what you have written and how you have worded it that you have a hell of a lot of pent up aggression with your father, as you said in another thread he 'stole' the money - he has not stolen it he has simply followed the way the trust fund is supposed to work and not paid you it.

    The problem is if he is the trustee of the account then he has say over if you get it before the date that the contract says you should get it, and when he sen you a 'useless' compromising cheque you sent him it back with a 'general life' letter - which can say a lot but i assume it was in some way abusive/hurt his feelings which is maybe why he has not spoken to you since July (unless it was explaining your own situation in which case oops i got that bit wrong and maybe he is taking a standpoint that you refuse to accept compromise)

    The last thing you should do is phone him and start screaming that he has stolen your money, or abuse him, or get snappy with him because a trust fund has an age release clause for a reason - you have to be mature enough to take the money and not piss it up the wall - so the way to act is in a mature fashion.
    Ask him for the money, say its because you are at university and now is the best time for you to have it. If he says you have to wait until you are supposed to get it then you need to get a lawyer and legal advice and it will end up costing you.

    In the end you need to speak to your dad with neutrality/respect if you want respect back, going in with all guns blazing never ever works.

    I wasn't actually planning on screaming at him, clearly cause i posted this thread, asking how to deal with him in a calm manner

    Tbh, we mostly checked up on it to see when it was going to mature, because we spoke to the lawyer, and they were worse than uslesss, so wrote to my dad, merely asking when it would be released, and saying if it was possible to get it transferred now, weren't even that fussed if it did, mostly just enquiring tbh, which we did in february, then it took him to july to send me the cheque which i couldn't use, which i interperated as a little bit hostile, considering it was just the cheque, a letter with it would have been nice, and we weren't really chasing him up at that point, so i replied with a very polite letter like detailing what im up to (like he gives a shit), asking how he was, the usuals, nothing abusive, it barely even came up in the letter, just the briefest bit about how i couldn't actually use this cheque, could he arrange to have one that could be put into an account in my name made. Its just gotten to the point where he actually got the cheque made, so making it payable to me, might have been easier than ignoring me

    Another reason i could do with the money now, is that hes moving abroad soon (once the house is built) and if its impossible to get in contact with him when he lives in the same country as me, imagine how difficult it'll be when hes not even in the same country as me.
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