Relapsed in to depression

Former Member

I don't know whether it is due to this, the season, supporting a friend in need or starting a new job, but I am spiralling back down in to a depression where I find it hard to talk to anyone.

I cut myself for the first time in eight years tonight and I think it's bleeding too much... Damn f*ck f*ck :yuck: and a friend is upstairs visiting who I just can't face seeing and who I think is going to view me bad for it...

I am lucky I am on the phones part in work, but I am struggling to concentrate. I am gonna get councilling on my work scheme and am taking 5 htp, which usually works...

I don't know how much longer I can cope... I have to keep leaving the house because I am getting anxiety. I can't cope with friendships, or anything and I am not eating or sleeping...

I don't wanna be in hospital again. :no:

ARGH

My moods are so up and down... I walked six miles last night just to get some alone time. I am so anxious and feel so bad...

At least I am not attempting suicide... But this feels like a new depression... I have been low, but the past week I have CRASHED...

And I need out of my living situation, I can't see it getting better, but can't get out.

What do I do?

Former Member

you can get out.

How long have you been back on the 5htp?

((hugs))

Former Member

A few weeks...

I called a councilling line run by nurses (for civil servants) and she has recommended I go to the doctor and see if I can get some anti-anxiety medication, until councilling comes through...

Former Member

yeah maybe, or try upping your 5htp?

I wish I could help

Former Member

Thanks...

I am really anxious right now... I don't wanna go upstairs in case I have to talk to someone and am pondering going out again.

It's horrible... Sometimes, it's like being parylised. I am fine in work with customers, but genuinely afraid to socialise with friends or potential friends...

This is not like who I am...

Former Member

I think you need to go to your GP and see about getting some proper medication if things are that bad. Especially if it means you staying out of hospital. Depression sucks. I wish I had some good advice for you.

Former Member

Hi Namaste :wave:

Really sorry that you are having such a hard time at the moment - it can be so difficult when your home is not a safe space to be yourself in.

Really glad you are reaching out on the site for some support. Hopefully you will feel able to access some from your GP soon? Is there anyone else you can talk to at the moment?

Try not to beat yourself up about self-harming again - it sounds like you are treating it as a sign that you need some more support before things get worse which is a really positive step.

Let us know how you get on, take care

Former Member

Have you made enquiries about non drug treatment like cognitive behavioural therapy? Till you get out of negative thought patterns and problem behaviour, depression can be a revolving door problem

Former Member

i dont think its gonna get better till you get out of that flat.

Former Member

cat_treats wrote: »

Hi Namaste :wave:

Really sorry that you are having such a hard time at the moment - it can be so difficult when your home is not a safe space to be yourself in.

Really glad you are reaching out on the site for some support. Hopefully you will feel able to access some from your GP soon? Is there anyone else you can talk to at the moment?

Try not to beat yourself up about self-harming again - it sounds like you are treating it as a sign that you need some more support before things get worse which is a really positive step.

Let us know how you get on, take care

I don't really have anyone to talk to no... I told one of my friends I need more alone time and just got the usual "don't worry, everyone goes through this, I know how you're feeling"...

Well not everybody has been hospitilised with depression, or self-harmed, or got heart palpitations just thinking of socialising. :rolleyes: I don't mean to be all woe-is-me, but I just need somebody to really... Talk to, who's not gonna be all "you're a lovely person".

I have my Mum, but I feel like a burden. I can't tell family or anyone about the self-harm obviously...

I feel isolated but don't wanna be around people... Does that make sense?

I feel like a failure, having given up volunteering as well and now doing my mates over by not being there for them. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up sometimes.

Former Member

Heya,
How are you doing? I can relate so much with the handling friendships etc - like having to go out of the house or doing something else. Ive got marks all down one arm and its the only arm that i do it too now - which i suppose is good but im doing it more and more.....i always do the whole arm and not just a few cuts - although they are superficial.
xx

Former Member

Update:

I tried acupuncture today for the first time and it actually felt kind of strange... But I do feel better.

Like less tense, more focussed and less anxious.

Former Member

thats really interesting, and good.
I was thinking of trying that.

Im glad something has helped a bit.
How is the actual circumstances. Are they getting any better?

Former Member

SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »

thats really interesting, and good.
I was thinking of trying that.

Im glad something has helped a bit.
How is the actual circumstances. Are they getting any better?

Well I said hi to the flatmate I fell out with for the first time in weeks today, asked him how he is... My other guy I dunno...

Being out the house helps, so hopefully am gonna get this under control.

Former Member

Really glad to hear about the acupuncture - I know needles might not be everyone's cuppa tea but I find it really helps when I get anxious too. And taking time out to do something good for yourself is a really great move when you're under so much pressure!
Other things you could try to help with the stress (which would also give you some time out of the house) might be going for a run or walk, enjoying visiting an art gallery or treating yourself to a coffee in a nice cafe with a good book for a bit...sure others have some good ideas for cheap treats if you want any more ideas!

Take care