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What should I do?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
OK, first things first - I'm gay. It's no secret, and I'm happy with it.

I've been dating this guy for the last couple of weeks, he is my first love (I'm 20 years old, he has just turned 23) and we both like each other a LOT.

Anyway, the thing is, I am still living with my parents at home, and they don't know about my sexuality. I want to see this guy as much as possible, it usually means me travelling to see him (15 miles) as he can't drive and I can... But things are awkward for me, becuase of my parents constantly asking where I am going... I have to lie to them, which I don't want to do... My boyfriend is very understanding, but I feel he gets frustrated when I keep saying I can't see him.

I don't know what to do... I don't want to hurt my bf by constantly saying I can't come see him as I am scared my parents will find out.. :( But then, I'm scared if I keep making up excuses, he'll get fed up with me :(

I don't know what to do... I really don't think I can tell my parents just yet. I just want to cry :(



  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there,

    First off, if you do like him as much as you say, then you shouldn't be afraid of telling your parents. If they are any sort of loving parents, they'll accept you for whatever you are. There is NOTHING and I mean NOTHING wrong with being gay. So don't let anyone ever let you think like that. Even your parents. Just tell them where you're going, sit down with them and talk to them. It'll make life alot easier for you and your boyfriend.

    Keep it real, and let me know how it goes, that is if you do decide to tell your parents what's what.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tell you Mum and Dad, They should understand, I believe you said in another post you only been with your bf for a few weeks

    It maybe your first love but you maybe rushing things, I bet coming out of the closet to your family and friends is hard and rushing things may make them harder then it need's to be, Your bf must know what your going through and should help you with it

    Tell him what you are thinking and that you don't want to hurt him but you need time and stuff

    good luck and all
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh and there's something I forgot to say,

    Just to say, that even if it doesn't work out with your boyshape, you can still tell your parents anyway. Because even if you are not with him, you are still gay, and it would be best coming out sooner rather than later.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks :-)

    Awwww, thanks! You are all so kind! I'm really getting an awful lot of encouragement and support from a lot of people - including my bf - to come out to my parents.

    I'm still REALLY scared though... I feel that telling them I am gay will be a real disappointment to them. They are very proud of me, and I feel I am letting my family down. My mother already kinda knows - she read some of my text messages another guy had sent me about 3 earlier in the year. She was really upset but hasn't said anything more about it...

    I know this sounds stupid! But it's how I feel. Thank you for listening :)

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    aw, big hug sweetie....mwah!!

    Presumably you have friends who know you're gay? if not, come out to them first I reckon, they may find it easier to accept and support you.

    How do you think your parents would react? They may feel a bit upset and be a bit funny at first, mostly because, unless they have good gaydar, they have watched you grow up imagining the daughter in law and the grandchildren.....basically if they are a bit off at first don't get too down or anything, they may just need time to adjust.

    Of course, its never all roses.....some parents just can't cope (not tryin to scare u, just bein realistic) so you need to know that you're strong enough to cope with that before you tell them.

    Just talk to your boyf...tell him how you feel about him and that its just a bit hard as your mum asks where you're going. or you could always just tell your mum a lie....thats what my fag did (me being his fag-hag...no offence intended by using word fag!!)

    good luck
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Only a couple of my friends know about me... I'm not "obviously gay" either - my bf says I'm the most straight-acting gay guy he's ever known :D

    I'm not too sure how my parents would react.. I scare that it will really upset them, especially my father. About 3 months ago my Mum read some SMS messages I left on my phone (about gay stuff) and she was really upset and cried when she asked me about them... She hasn't said anything else about it...

    Ack.. why is it so hard :( I'm gonna talk to my bf about it on Sunday.

    thanks, you help is much appreciated :)

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm at 20 u shudnt really have to explain to ur parents where ur goin. just say ur goin out and u be back later
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah yeah, I know :p I AM like that with my parents, but in the past i have always told them where I've been or they've asked purely out of interest. They don't mind me going out at all! It's just that I hate lying to them now... :)

    I REALLY want to "come out" to them.. but I don't think I have the courage right now.. any ideas? anyone here before experianced the same?

    thanks :)

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My best friend came out to his pareants coz he was sick of lying to them and they have gone a bit mad. I think his mum is struggling to deal with it and she doesn't really know how to - I think she needs to see a counsellor really coz she can't cope.

    His dad went really mental, and his brother won't even be in the same room as him.

    All the same, my friend is glad he doesn't have to lie, and as he doesn't plan to live at home forever he copes. He gets upset sometimes but as he tells us everything that happens we're there for him. And he doesn't need to lie or pretend he's someone he's not, so i don't think he regrets telling them.

    So as I said, make sure you have a strong support network, and somewhere you can stay overnight or for a few days if things get icky. If they are upset about it, don't give up, persevere with them.

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