Why do I want to be alone?

Former Member

I have a question:

Why do I just want to be alone? for example I'd rather sit in my room by myself than hangout with my friends.
Was wondering do you think is it because I wasn't really allowed out during my childhood (so it is ingrained in my head)? I want to be more sociable but it scares me and makes me uncomfortable.

does this make sense? I want to understand.

Former Member

thanks.

yeah I'm not an only child (have a brother) but have always spent my evening listening to music alone in my room and reading whilst growing up. now that i'm at uni, i still find it hard to be sociable but am trying my best becuase much as I love being alone, there is only so much of it I can take!

Getting something like alcohol down me does help but then it is only a temporary measure!

I have a bf and even find it hard being around him some of the time, I don't really know what to say/do and am conscious of this and always think "how does this person see me? do they like me? did i say the right thing?" it's crazy.

Just really wondered if I am destined to follow this the rest of my life or if there is hope to be more comfortable with people. :banghead:

Former Member

I spent much of my childhood by myself, keeping away from the world. I'm used to, and generally enjoy, my own company... but it doesn't mean you have to be more sociable than you want to be.

It does get easier, the older you get and the more you do it.

TBH I enjoy being a loner, as it gives me a good excuse to spend too much money on music.

Former Member

I like to spend alot of time alone as well but I have a brother and a sister and always had someone to play with when i was little. But i dont avoid social situations and im not uncomfortable in them, guess its just the way i am.

I wouldnt worry about being the way you are, as the others said just remember to relax and maybe spend more time with the people you are comfortable with so when it comes to new people you know how to behave.

Former Member

I get times like that sometimes. Its okay just to want to spend sometime alone, i do it alot, gives you time to relax and maybe think about a few things too.

Former Member

Why must you think that there is something wrong with you? Everyone is different and some of us like to be alone and keep to ourselves.

I. for example. enjoy my free time, by being alone in whatever place I like. Even though society might label me anti-social, but I don't see the problem.

To me, what's important is I am happy with what I am doing and I don't need others' approval to make myself happy.

Former Member

i like my own space a lot of the time too.
Not that I get it very often.

Its just as normal to be a bit of a loner, as it is to be wildly sociable.
As long as you CAN be sociable if you need to be and it doesnt cause you lots of problems with anxiety etc, then its just down to personal preference

Former Member

Hi Greenday,

Might be worth looking at some introductory information on the difference between an extroverted and introverted personality - two complete natural ways of being that can help understand the difference between what people enjoy socially.

For once the wikipedia page doesn't seem like a bad place to start -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraversion_and_introversion

This isn't to say you can't enjoy going out more or find ways to be more comfortable in social situations - that's more than likely possible - it's just good to see if the article makes sense and maybe that can help you understand where you're coming from?

Former Member

I am similar in that i like to spend time alone. I am an introvert and am quiet.. some people get really frustrated with me because of it, but it's just who i am. People sometimes make comments and/or speak about me behind my back, which makes me become more introverted.. i also think, well if they are like that then i don't really want to know them.

Yeah, maybe you are like that because you are an only child, but it could be your personality or from experiences in your life.. i know people who had no siblings and they seem pretty confident.. maybe a bit quiet at times..
it could be a number of things.

Former Member

I love being alone, and I've got an older sister who is the COMPLETE opposite. People who know me well know when I've had enough of being around people and I openly tell people they are doing my head in and I need some me time! It's just how I am and how I've always been. When I was at college I had loads of friends and was out all the time, and as much as I enjoyed myself I still loved spending time on my own just watching films or listening to music in my bedroom. I don't care, infact I quite like it! Although I do feel different, but this thread has made me feel more normal knowing lots of other peeps are the same.

Former Member

I think you have the incredible good fortune to have a boyfriend. I don't even have close friends. A result of this is that I speak rarely and when I do I often mumble and stutter, so people can't understand me anyway.

Former Member

Aww thanks guys. that advice has helped alot!

I thought it was just me, everyone else I know seems to like social situations.

Former Member

I try to at least once a week force myself into a social situation. Even if the social situation is only going to the gas station for a drink. I use to be really outgoing, heading committees, parties, runs with friends, then I was diagnosed with a chronic illness, had to quit my job and running, and over a short time fell completely into myself. I want to sit all alone with one of my animals in a silent room. It is not healthy to br alone all the time, I know this, yet I do it anyway.