Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Keeping an Ex on Facebook as a friend

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Do you think it is a good idea?

Just come out of a relationship, his choice, but he is still on my friends list. I was gonna keep him on there but today have read something on his wall that suggests that he is going out with someone else already. May be totally innocent but I'm not sure.

What do you think?
«1

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you think it is a good idea?

    Just come out of a relationship, his choice, but he is still on my friends list. I was gonna keep him on there but today have read something on his wall that suggests that he is going out with someone else already. May be totally innocent but I'm not sure.

    What do you think?

    It's up to you - if you're still fragile about the whole thing, then delete them. Otherwise, I don't see the issue unless you're not going to like what you see.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's a bit of both this may be totally innocent but this is what i just read:

    Claire: I have showered x
    Paul: Now you smell loads better x

    ???
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's a bit of both this may be totally innocent but this is what i just read:

    Claire: I have showered x
    Paul: Now you smell loads better x

    ???

    Friendly banter?

    Either way - without being too blunt, it's nothing to do with you, and you're very likely to read whatever you want into many postings.

    Perhaps it's better if you don't view their account for a while.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I know, I'm just having a hard time at the moment with this breakup:no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I know, I'm just having a hard time at the moment with this breakup:no:

    Then remove him for the time being. There is no point upsetting yourself by reading his messages - which you are bound to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe disable your account for a month? Or give your friend your password so you have no access. As hard as it is to resist, looking at your ex's profile keeps you looking backwards when you should be looking forwards.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with the above post. If just got out of a relationship and still feeling quite sore from it, then you're best removing him from your friends list.

    Looking back at his page is not gonna help you move on and when he does meet someone, you're best not knowing.

    Things will get easier within time - but for now, you need to be brave and delete him straight away.

    **hugs**
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its up to you really, however you feel, i kept my ex on my facebook as we promised we would try stay friends.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We met through facebook so were friends online for about 6 months and although he didnt say we would stay friends I thought that we would, I don't know maybe we will! My head is all over the place.:shocking:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    delete or suffer, that's the options you - personally - have. Choose for yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My persobal belief is that it's almost impossible to remain friends after a relationship breakdown unless the breakdown was mutually agreed.

    Yours doesn't sound like it and any message you see is either going to destroy you or give you false hope. Delete, give yourself the time and space to grieve for your lost relationship, and move on with life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If that was me, if i couldn't re-frame from looking at his facebook every 5 minutes and reading into comments to much i will probally delete him. It will help the process of getting over him much faster.

    Also about 90% of the time ex's dont stay friends so theres no point keeping him on facebook.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It will make things easier moving on as I have been feeling great all day and then as soon as I read that, be it innocent or not, I have felt awful!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It will make things easier moving on as I have been feeling great all day and then as soon as I read that, be it innocent or not, I have felt awful!

    yeah, we realized that now. Make the right decision and don't draw it out like that, for your own good.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    deleted mine, i'm over him but felt that he was getting smoochy about his new relationship too much for my liking. easiest thing to do. why punish yourself?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you want to stay friends, then keep him on your buddy list.
    If you don't want to stay friends, then remove.

    I've never seen what the big deal is with Facebook.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I was right, he changed his status tonight to in a relationship with so my gut feeling was right all along!

    Gutless like I knew all along!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Exact same thing happened to me just two days ago. I stupidely looked on my ex's profile, being the nosy bitch I am. He is now in a relationship with someone also called Alex, and it broke my heart, even thought we broke up more than 6 months ago. Just brought it home that he's now moved on. I quickly deleted him and his number from my phone. Stops me looking and hurting myself even more. I reckon thats the best thing to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well we spilt up 10 days ago and its been a bit of a confusing time!

    10 days!!! :mad:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It will get better...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd personally choose to delete just my 2p though.

    it does sound like your kinda reading into his profile to see if he has updates.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Did you delete him? I think you should. It's too addictive to look at photos/wall posts. Just one click and it's over. I hate facebook when it comes to relationships. I don't even have my current boyfriend as a friend, never mind any exes. I did have one ex, but it got difficult when I had a new boyfriend. I didn't want ex to see the photos so I had to change the settings.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Delete, delete, delete!! Otherwise you'll constantly be looking at his profile and getting upsetting my messages that may or may not mean that he's found someone, and at his photo's e.t.c.... It would just be grim, and you know it. You're already hurting alot, why put yourself through more pain?
    Severing all contact with an ex and their friends is the only way forward for me... literally remove them from your life for now. Try to forget they even existed. Then, maybe when you're totally over it, you can try and get in contact with him if you really want to still be friends and see how you both feel about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it depends on the relationship. You sound like you're having a hard time at the moment, so i would say delete because it removes the temptation. My ex and I broke up while we were travelling (we'd been together for 4 years) and we stayed friends on facebook, but sometimes it is a bit tricky.

    (I do sometimes FB stalk him a little bit. But not *too* much)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well it was a bad night when I read his new status on facebook, but on Sunday I was uploading some old photos and he commented nicely on one and we have gradually started communicating, only on facebook though so I think we will try and get our friendship back on track as thats where we started.

    I'm not under any assumptions that we will get back together, I dont see that at all but it is nice to have us trying to get back on an even keel as fb buddies again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not a case of if he's nice or nasty to your on facebook. He might be a jolly great guy, but it might still be advantageous for you to keep him. If you are obsessively checking up on what he's up to all the time and get jealous etc. If you keep or delete him should not be decided on how nice or bad he is, but on how well you can handle the break-up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I stayed friends with mine, but hid her from my feed so I don't have to know anything I don't want to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had a bit of a challenging night yesterday with my 7 year old and put on my status that I was having a bad night and that I was a bit peeved off and was surprised that he asked what was wrong, I replied after a while a few more people were concerned and today I had a text from him asking how my day was going and hope that I am feeling better, which is nice as we are getting back to friends but I so wish he hadn't put the kiss on the end of it! lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had a bit of a challenging night yesterday with my 7 year old and put on my status that I was having a bad night and that I was a bit peeved off and was surprised that he asked what was wrong, I replied after a while a few more people were concerned and today I had a text from him asking how my day was going and hope that I am feeling better, which is nice as we are getting back to friends but I so wish he hadn't put the kiss on the end of it! lol

    really, you are not over him and I would advise you to remove him from your facebook. Just tell him you couldn't bear being so in "contact" with him, because you ain't over the break-up. It will do you no good in the next time. you will just dwell on it and overinterpret ever kiss he puts on the end. It puts your life on halt. He is just usually nice and you probably fantasize about him coming back, don't do it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    really, you are not over him and I would advise you to remove him from your facebook. Just tell him you couldn't bear being so in "contact" with him, because you ain't over the break-up. It will do you no good in the next time. you will just dwell on it and overinterpret ever kiss he puts on the end. It puts your life on halt. He is just usually nice and you probably fantasize about him coming back, don't do it.

    :yes:
Sign In or Register to comment.