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weird work situation...very long post.help!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello every body
I haven't been here in a veeeery long time but i'm back again
As the title suggests, i'm in a bit of a weird work situation, and since i'm either great at figuring out men or totally crap i need some help!
Okay so here goes...
I recently started a new job (my first one in fact ) in a office, where about 9 people work. It really is very friendly there- the people are young, we all banter with each other and my manager is a great guy who buys us all drinks on a friday and doesn't have a problem with anything really. Anyway, so i started at this place properly on the 17th of august. I noticed right away there were more guys then girls and all of the guys were all staring at me when i joined (it could have been my low cut dress wrap thing...i dont know :eek2: ) Anywhooo, they all introduced them selves except one.
Now this one was the cute one.
So. The next day he ambles over to my desk, sticks his hand out and introduces himself, says its a nice office, explains how everyone jokes with each other or the work gets very dull and he hopes i'll fit in great etc. Didn't think much of it except to notice he was very cute, well spoken with a hint of gruff. A few days passed and he would smile sometimes at me, crack a little joke but really not paying me any attention- which made me think ahaaa he fancies me but is playing it cool coz im surrounded by all the testosterone filled men.
(sorry i just wanted to give some background info, wont be long now)
ANYWAY. So. last week sometime i think it was the 20th, we just got flirting outrageously, very coded conversation, out of no where he just says
'look im looking for some no strings fun, your sexy im sexy, what you thinking?' (this was across the desk of one of the gormless guys who salivated everytime i walked past, so naturally i flirted more...yes i can be a cow at times :angel: )
Something hit me inside my head. To be honest, i'd spent about 5 months abstaining from casual sex or any sexual contact, as i had experianced a ectopic pregnancy which i didnt know about, until it was on the verge of bursting and me sprouting wings...i had to face this alone as the father was a _____________. so i decided to not have sex until i got into a relationship/
Anyway, i say yes to the guy, he says right, meet me in the loos, so i did, we didnt have sex but 'things' happened.
from then on out, ass slapping, innuendo filled banter etc ensued for a good couple of days. he loved the fact i was up for no strings as he was a no strings man himself. he has a kid with a woman, etc and didnt want a gf or anything, just not his thing. fine by me! so far so good. the weekend comes, i start having serious doubts about what im re-entering into....physically i can have casual sex. i prefer it. but spiritually and otherthings-ally i decided i didnt want to go all the way, i needed to practise self control. so i devised a plan. unfortunatley i think its kind of backfired though...and this is where i need help!
Plan: go in on monday, be preoccupied, dont blank him totally but dont flirt as much(done)
tuesday: casually ask if hes up for some messing about, mess about, then afterwards, be like
ooOoOoo....im hooking up tonight. (done, and he told me to enjoy myself and come in with a smile)
wednesday: come in with a grin, :thumb: tell him it was great etc.
basicallly make him think that while im not going all the way with him, i am with someone else, so he feels rejection, his player ego gets dented, he goes off me ( since im not getting it with him im getting it elsewhere, jennah doesn't wait around, oh im NOT going to bother as much with her) etc, in order for him to cool off getting into my knickers.
i thought it worked. it did on some levels, but its not on others :banghead:
coz you see, we may have been fooling around and being sexually suggestive about 80% of the time at the start, but recently, this week just gone, we have been hanging out together, smoking together, talking together etc. really being chilled and doing our own thing. having a giggle aswell. i'd just like to point out, im not typically girly, im really straightforward (ok so i devised a plan....means to an end, it was neccessary!) and generally i am more of a lad (apart from the two things on my chest, my more feminine legs, long hair etc) but this is coz i grew up with more men than girls coz i find them to be harder to hang out with. so anyway, i guess the first weird thing he said was
'you're everything a man could want ina girl, your no bullshit straight talking and stuff'
i just said thanks.
however, things have just gotton weirder. see, if he was 'normal' in the sense that he didnt mind strings, he didnt mind relationships i would put it down as him liking me, or crushing on me, but.....he doesnt 'do' that stuff so, obviously im confused. to keep it short (iv rambled, sorrry) i'll just list things:
(this isnt initial stuff, this is just last week, when iv been a bit off with him for about 3days, freindly but preoccupied during this time)
1) him walking about a foot in front of me, talking to another girl. im on the phone, telling my friend il see him tonight ( a platonic freind, but obv the guy didnt know this) so he turns around, mid convo with the other girl nd js says ' always got a link ain't ya....' and carries on walking.
2) im on my break, im speaking to a freind whos in a spot of bother, he says hello but i dont say anything coz im very upset nd still talking to my freind. after i go over to him and say good morning, he says you didnt talk to me before, i say, erm i was busy, he says...'ahh always on the phone and too busy'
3) when iv suggested having some fun, hes said yes, then at the end of the day, not gone ahead with it (NOT like him)
4) if its even slightly cold outside hes started offering me his jacket. and actually given me an open invite to just take his hoody from the office when i feel like it and wear it when im cold
5) myself, him and another bloke walking down the road. i shiver. he notices, asks me why i didnt bring his jacket. i say no idea, turns around to the other guy n says dude give her ur jacket shes cold, i say no no its kool and carry on walking. so he slips his arms over my shoulders and tucks me into his chest nd we walk for a few steps like this, nd he sort of nuzzles me. bare in mind his hands were not going on naughty places, as i would have expected, but were just rubbing my shoulders. god knows why but i nuzzled his neck nd he lets me. 10secs later he lets go of me like a hot potatoe nd says 'that was cozy. i dont DO cozy!' i say ' yeah me either :impissed: ' then he says ' even if i would get cozy with you, i wouldnt coz you have to many links on the go :impissed: ' i reply 'oh this week was just a good week, i usually dont get tied up like this' he speeds up his walking. later on he talks about the mother of his kid. i talk about the only guy iv ever enjoyed kissing as i felt something. when i say this he hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmms nd smokes more spliff.
6) when im eating, he gets up, and asks if i want a drink. if i dont eat lunch he offers me his food, his biscuits, or just says ahhh why r u not eating.
7) friday, he was very hot and cold with me. this came about after he was sitting at his desk, i walked over, sat on his desk, rubbed my leg against his and smiled at him. he started smiling and said 'wow'. i thought he was wowing at my legs or something (as he started off doing that) and just smiled nd laughed. he says, 'you have a shy look on your face, i didnt know you could look shy' i get defensive, he just shakes his head and says 'im amazed'
8) the spliff we were smoking has gone out, i put it in my mouth, he attempts to light it, coz its windy he puts his hands round it, i close my eyes, nd a few seconds later he points out ' im sheilding your face not the flame' (the wind was flicking th flame about,lighter was next to my chin)
theres a few more. i wont type anything else, iv gone on too much.
okay so whats going on? i recognised his type straight away, i used 2 be like that. just no strings. hates relationships/cant do them properly. just wants fun.
so why all this different behaviour? is it just a ruse to get me this way, by making out like hes not just out to fuck me (which he said he was...hes like a rabbit)
or is he actually starting to like me?
what should i do?
sorry...sorry...long post...sorry
I haven't been here in a veeeery long time but i'm back again
As the title suggests, i'm in a bit of a weird work situation, and since i'm either great at figuring out men or totally crap i need some help!
Okay so here goes...
I recently started a new job (my first one in fact ) in a office, where about 9 people work. It really is very friendly there- the people are young, we all banter with each other and my manager is a great guy who buys us all drinks on a friday and doesn't have a problem with anything really. Anyway, so i started at this place properly on the 17th of august. I noticed right away there were more guys then girls and all of the guys were all staring at me when i joined (it could have been my low cut dress wrap thing...i dont know :eek2: ) Anywhooo, they all introduced them selves except one.
Now this one was the cute one.
So. The next day he ambles over to my desk, sticks his hand out and introduces himself, says its a nice office, explains how everyone jokes with each other or the work gets very dull and he hopes i'll fit in great etc. Didn't think much of it except to notice he was very cute, well spoken with a hint of gruff. A few days passed and he would smile sometimes at me, crack a little joke but really not paying me any attention- which made me think ahaaa he fancies me but is playing it cool coz im surrounded by all the testosterone filled men.
(sorry i just wanted to give some background info, wont be long now)
ANYWAY. So. last week sometime i think it was the 20th, we just got flirting outrageously, very coded conversation, out of no where he just says
'look im looking for some no strings fun, your sexy im sexy, what you thinking?' (this was across the desk of one of the gormless guys who salivated everytime i walked past, so naturally i flirted more...yes i can be a cow at times :angel: )
Something hit me inside my head. To be honest, i'd spent about 5 months abstaining from casual sex or any sexual contact, as i had experianced a ectopic pregnancy which i didnt know about, until it was on the verge of bursting and me sprouting wings...i had to face this alone as the father was a _____________. so i decided to not have sex until i got into a relationship/
Anyway, i say yes to the guy, he says right, meet me in the loos, so i did, we didnt have sex but 'things' happened.
from then on out, ass slapping, innuendo filled banter etc ensued for a good couple of days. he loved the fact i was up for no strings as he was a no strings man himself. he has a kid with a woman, etc and didnt want a gf or anything, just not his thing. fine by me! so far so good. the weekend comes, i start having serious doubts about what im re-entering into....physically i can have casual sex. i prefer it. but spiritually and otherthings-ally i decided i didnt want to go all the way, i needed to practise self control. so i devised a plan. unfortunatley i think its kind of backfired though...and this is where i need help!
Plan: go in on monday, be preoccupied, dont blank him totally but dont flirt as much(done)
tuesday: casually ask if hes up for some messing about, mess about, then afterwards, be like
ooOoOoo....im hooking up tonight. (done, and he told me to enjoy myself and come in with a smile)wednesday: come in with a grin, :thumb: tell him it was great etc.
basicallly make him think that while im not going all the way with him, i am with someone else, so he feels rejection, his player ego gets dented, he goes off me ( since im not getting it with him im getting it elsewhere, jennah doesn't wait around, oh im NOT going to bother as much with her) etc, in order for him to cool off getting into my knickers.
i thought it worked. it did on some levels, but its not on others :banghead:
coz you see, we may have been fooling around and being sexually suggestive about 80% of the time at the start, but recently, this week just gone, we have been hanging out together, smoking together, talking together etc. really being chilled and doing our own thing. having a giggle aswell. i'd just like to point out, im not typically girly, im really straightforward (ok so i devised a plan....means to an end, it was neccessary!) and generally i am more of a lad (apart from the two things on my chest, my more feminine legs, long hair etc) but this is coz i grew up with more men than girls coz i find them to be harder to hang out with. so anyway, i guess the first weird thing he said was
'you're everything a man could want ina girl, your no bullshit straight talking and stuff'
i just said thanks.
however, things have just gotton weirder. see, if he was 'normal' in the sense that he didnt mind strings, he didnt mind relationships i would put it down as him liking me, or crushing on me, but.....he doesnt 'do' that stuff so, obviously im confused. to keep it short (iv rambled, sorrry) i'll just list things:
(this isnt initial stuff, this is just last week, when iv been a bit off with him for about 3days, freindly but preoccupied during this time)
1) him walking about a foot in front of me, talking to another girl. im on the phone, telling my friend il see him tonight ( a platonic freind, but obv the guy didnt know this) so he turns around, mid convo with the other girl nd js says ' always got a link ain't ya....' and carries on walking.
2) im on my break, im speaking to a freind whos in a spot of bother, he says hello but i dont say anything coz im very upset nd still talking to my freind. after i go over to him and say good morning, he says you didnt talk to me before, i say, erm i was busy, he says...'ahh always on the phone and too busy'
3) when iv suggested having some fun, hes said yes, then at the end of the day, not gone ahead with it (NOT like him)
4) if its even slightly cold outside hes started offering me his jacket. and actually given me an open invite to just take his hoody from the office when i feel like it and wear it when im cold
5) myself, him and another bloke walking down the road. i shiver. he notices, asks me why i didnt bring his jacket. i say no idea, turns around to the other guy n says dude give her ur jacket shes cold, i say no no its kool and carry on walking. so he slips his arms over my shoulders and tucks me into his chest nd we walk for a few steps like this, nd he sort of nuzzles me. bare in mind his hands were not going on naughty places, as i would have expected, but were just rubbing my shoulders. god knows why but i nuzzled his neck nd he lets me. 10secs later he lets go of me like a hot potatoe nd says 'that was cozy. i dont DO cozy!' i say ' yeah me either :impissed: ' then he says ' even if i would get cozy with you, i wouldnt coz you have to many links on the go :impissed: ' i reply 'oh this week was just a good week, i usually dont get tied up like this' he speeds up his walking. later on he talks about the mother of his kid. i talk about the only guy iv ever enjoyed kissing as i felt something. when i say this he hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmms nd smokes more spliff.
6) when im eating, he gets up, and asks if i want a drink. if i dont eat lunch he offers me his food, his biscuits, or just says ahhh why r u not eating.
7) friday, he was very hot and cold with me. this came about after he was sitting at his desk, i walked over, sat on his desk, rubbed my leg against his and smiled at him. he started smiling and said 'wow'. i thought he was wowing at my legs or something (as he started off doing that) and just smiled nd laughed. he says, 'you have a shy look on your face, i didnt know you could look shy' i get defensive, he just shakes his head and says 'im amazed'
8) the spliff we were smoking has gone out, i put it in my mouth, he attempts to light it, coz its windy he puts his hands round it, i close my eyes, nd a few seconds later he points out ' im sheilding your face not the flame' (the wind was flicking th flame about,lighter was next to my chin)
theres a few more. i wont type anything else, iv gone on too much.
okay so whats going on? i recognised his type straight away, i used 2 be like that. just no strings. hates relationships/cant do them properly. just wants fun.
so why all this different behaviour? is it just a ruse to get me this way, by making out like hes not just out to fuck me (which he said he was...hes like a rabbit)
or is he actually starting to like me?
what should i do?
sorry...sorry...long post...sorry
0
Comments
To me it seems like this guy does like you and the "no strings" for him could advance to something more? who knows? remember alot of guys have an image they like and think they need to protect. I'd be honest and say chances are you may not know what he wants, whether it is no strings or not, him being hot or cold is cause by you tbh, your obviously singing him on.
i dont think i made it quite clear-i wanted no strings too. its just when it hit me about actualy having sex again after my ectopic i kinda got scared.
its not playing games, i just wanted 2 put him off me, cant explain it.
nah im not being hot and cold, minus the sexualness we chill out like normal.
yes i admit i get panicky when a guy may genuinly like me- i find it difficult to have close relationships, but this dude is just really confusing me :rolleyes:
not singing him on- iv never given him the impression that i want anything more. neither did he (initially) now all this weird stuff is happening im having 2nd thoughts about whether or not i shud let myself like him or not...its so odd. i just wanted to know what all the stuff he was doing roughly meant.
and about the no strings, when we first got intimate, i did tell him i hadn't done it in a while- so im not fucking him about there. i obviously havnt said everything-too long, but i know im not fucking with his head, i guess i just wanted to put him off, and since hes acted weirdly i just took a step back and responded neutraly to it all.
its really confusing, iv met men like him before, its not an image its just what they like. and yes im more wary this time as i had a similar situation where the guy started liking me. and then turned into a dickhead. so you cant really blame me for being a bit
Eeeek! sorry, im really unclear. basically im confused as to what his actions could mean- are they things that a guy would do for a girl that he liked?
coz you know, he said no strings stuff is what he wanted, and the convos we had at the start pointed towards him being very much inclined to fuck and duck. :yeees:
erm, and hellfire, yes one minute i did want no strings sex, but the minute after i decided i didnt want, which i told him, and i ALSO told him fooling around was kool but not full sex. so i dont think im going hot and cold on him :eek2: like i said, i havnt put everything down but im pretty sure i made that clear in my post, even if it was in a round about way.
and he's told me hes fucked other girls during this duration so no its not me just going on about fucking ( i dont care if he has, and the point being he shouldnt care if *i* have, as it was supposed to be no strings remember? and he has said several times that he doesnt 'do' jelousy as we are not 'together'- he said that at the start, like in the first 2days or something)
nutshell: what are alll of his actions meaning? the coat stuff, the food stuff, the hot and cold stuff? is it things a guy would do if he started liking a girl? or you reckon hes just being random?
I wouldnt be too suprised if he started getting pissed off with all your games.
Perhaps you could see where things went incase they developed into something no strings.
i know i was wrong i shoulda just had the guts to tell him straight i dont intend to have full sex with him in the long run (not just right now) but i didnt feel i could coz im confused about that myself.
if hes started to get pissed off then why the sudden barrage of really nice actions from him? and why is he hanging out with me more often? i only js played the 'game' with him for like 3 days coz i was verrrrrrrry cnfused myself as to what i wanted from him, but after i just let it slide.
im tryna figure out if his actions recently are that of a man starting to like someone.
:rolleyes:
Your own words in a quote
Mixed with
What do you want? how is that not playing around with him and being hot and cold, one minute your playing games with him to put him OFF your own words, next your telling him you want to fool around?
Your blooming lucky if I were him I would've walked away a long long time ago. I seriously think you need to consider your actions as they could ruin a friendship/possibly more without you knowing it.
Your seriously messing around with this guy even playing the "Game" is seriously dangerous and I think you've under estimated his feelings for you. I say this guy has a lot of patiences and I suggest bucking up your ideas before taking your next step, this is not a "game" as you so bluntly put it, it's some ones life and feelings
i'll just assume you're reading my post from middle then end then beginning.
i dont get whats so hard to understand. he wanted to fuck i wanted to fuck, i got cold feet, i wanted to put him off, so to speak, we hang out, but his actions are bordering on confusing as hes being very sweet, and idk what to make of that. im asking is it possible he has started to like me as i cant figure it (based on his actions/words). baring in mind hes not some stupid teen, hes 29, and isnt one to be fucked over easily. im not pissing about with his 'life', im tryna figure out if hes got feelings/developing them, thats my question.
im not gonna keep on clarifying the situation to someone whos obviously twisting what i wrote.
maybe i was wrong to try and get some insight into what his actions meant by using other peoples knowledge/ experience coz i cant figure it on my own. :rolleyes:
What about that dont you understand?
It does sound like he's keen on getting to know you better, it could be just him trying to preserve his ego - he could be thinking he can't have you right away but if you're going to hold back from sleeping with him eventually whilst making out there are others on the scene, he will go for it when it's offered but then treat it as a one off and act uninterested afterwards. It could be he sees enough of himself in you that he's intrigued and contemplating a relationship further down the line if he gets to know you more and starts to see you'd be compatible. The only other thing I can suggest really i to ask around a bit, get to know his friends etc if possible at the same time as talking to him a bit more about his attitudes to relationships, see if the two perspectives match up.