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Wicked stepmother issues...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Argh, I feel so freaking silly writing this, I never thought I'd be in this position....
my mum died last year after a long illness and since then my sister and I have actively encouraged my dad to see other women and enjoy himself.
A few months ago he mentioned how the lady who ran the local news agents seemed quite nice, was a widow etc and I encouraged him to ask her out for a drink.
They've been dating about 6 months or so now and where at first I really liked her and thought she was a good fit for my dad, in the last month or so I've started really changing my opinion.
Firstly she calls me "babes" in the most patronising tone as possible... dad is completely oblivious and would probably ignore me if I try to say something. Next her daughter said that I had said all this stuff that my dad has done (I hadn't) and instead of being pissed off with him she was pissed of with me. Now my dad is pissed off with me. And I said NOTHING.
Then there was the day my dad was in a foul mood, she came over and he started ranting about my room being a mess (I am known for my messiness) but considering I was working a 5 day week and had been away for the past three weekends I hadn't really had much time to do anything but rush around and unpack/repack. Then as if to add insult to injury his gf starts saying about how her daughter (25 years old and living at home) is a perfect person to live with and she always cleans her mess up "after a few days". Considering this mess is all over the house and mine is just in my room, she earns £10k more a year than me and I pay £300 per month rent and she doesn't pay for anything I have more reason to be slightly messy in my room.
Then the way she has stated that my dad is spending Christmas with "her family", when I asked what I was supposed to do she said "Well hopefully you'll have a bf by then and you can spend it with him... though that seems unlikely" and the day she woke me up after I'd been asleep for four hours on a work night and asked if i would book her a plane ticket to manchester. I got out my laptop and did all for her in my groggy, oh god I hope I can get back to sleep state, and then asked my dad to go with her. He said no and she kicked off and said he was "neglecting" her.
Then the time I got invited around for a family party, got a little bit drunk (but nothing too bad!) and she called a taxi for me as I was quite obviously my mother's daughter (my mum was an alcoholic) and sent me home at 9pm a good 4 hours before the party finished.
In addition to this when I ask my dad if he can stay in (he spends 6 or so nights out of 7 with her and the 7th she comes here) she kicks up a massive fuss and says that I'm a spoilt brat and that I want everything my way and basically emotionally blackmails him to come over.
I don't want to spaz about it but I really thought I'd never be in this position. I want my dad to be happy but I hate that she's treating me like freaking Cinderella, it's beyond a joke. I understand that she's probably jealous and slightly threatened by us but I haven't done anything whatsoever to make her act like this. All I do when she is around is open my mouth and she just gives me this look that drives me into my bedroom for most evenings.
Has anybody got any advice on how to ignore her without it being obvious. I don't want to talk to my dad about it because he seems happy and I don't want to talk to her because she'd just complain to my dad and make him pissed off with me. Any suggestions?
my mum died last year after a long illness and since then my sister and I have actively encouraged my dad to see other women and enjoy himself.
A few months ago he mentioned how the lady who ran the local news agents seemed quite nice, was a widow etc and I encouraged him to ask her out for a drink.
They've been dating about 6 months or so now and where at first I really liked her and thought she was a good fit for my dad, in the last month or so I've started really changing my opinion.
Firstly she calls me "babes" in the most patronising tone as possible... dad is completely oblivious and would probably ignore me if I try to say something. Next her daughter said that I had said all this stuff that my dad has done (I hadn't) and instead of being pissed off with him she was pissed of with me. Now my dad is pissed off with me. And I said NOTHING.
Then there was the day my dad was in a foul mood, she came over and he started ranting about my room being a mess (I am known for my messiness) but considering I was working a 5 day week and had been away for the past three weekends I hadn't really had much time to do anything but rush around and unpack/repack. Then as if to add insult to injury his gf starts saying about how her daughter (25 years old and living at home) is a perfect person to live with and she always cleans her mess up "after a few days". Considering this mess is all over the house and mine is just in my room, she earns £10k more a year than me and I pay £300 per month rent and she doesn't pay for anything I have more reason to be slightly messy in my room.
Then the way she has stated that my dad is spending Christmas with "her family", when I asked what I was supposed to do she said "Well hopefully you'll have a bf by then and you can spend it with him... though that seems unlikely" and the day she woke me up after I'd been asleep for four hours on a work night and asked if i would book her a plane ticket to manchester. I got out my laptop and did all for her in my groggy, oh god I hope I can get back to sleep state, and then asked my dad to go with her. He said no and she kicked off and said he was "neglecting" her.
Then the time I got invited around for a family party, got a little bit drunk (but nothing too bad!) and she called a taxi for me as I was quite obviously my mother's daughter (my mum was an alcoholic) and sent me home at 9pm a good 4 hours before the party finished.
In addition to this when I ask my dad if he can stay in (he spends 6 or so nights out of 7 with her and the 7th she comes here) she kicks up a massive fuss and says that I'm a spoilt brat and that I want everything my way and basically emotionally blackmails him to come over.
I don't want to spaz about it but I really thought I'd never be in this position. I want my dad to be happy but I hate that she's treating me like freaking Cinderella, it's beyond a joke. I understand that she's probably jealous and slightly threatened by us but I haven't done anything whatsoever to make her act like this. All I do when she is around is open my mouth and she just gives me this look that drives me into my bedroom for most evenings.
Has anybody got any advice on how to ignore her without it being obvious. I don't want to talk to my dad about it because he seems happy and I don't want to talk to her because she'd just complain to my dad and make him pissed off with me. Any suggestions?
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Oh god, don't get me started on step-mums!!! :banghead: My dad's been married since I was seven, and has been dating her since I was born. She still makes me feel physically sick when I see her or hear her voice. I know that seems drastic, but honestly she is awful. For years I've just tried to get on with it, but at Christmas it all became to much, and I pushed her over and called her every name under the sun.... which just led to my dad not wanting to see me.... It's so hard! All I can really say is you have to say something, you just can't let it continue. Because the longer you leave it, the worse impact it will have when you say something. Just have a quite word with your dad, and tell him how his girlfriend makes him feel. It will be hard, I'm not denying that. But she is just jealous, she's probably trying to fill in the gap for your mum. It might not seem like that, but every now and then my step-mum will come out with "I AM YOUR MOTHER" and I just turn round and tell her to f*ck off, because she's not and never will be, like my mother. Or as good as her. It is a hard thing to do, fit in with an already built family.. and I'm sure she is doing her best, but her best isn't quite what you would like it to be.
Crying-angel x x
I think this is the most important thing in your post. I also think that you should take this into account when acting like you have described in the rest of your post.
Crying-angel x
Well she appears to be trying to suck up tonight... she went out and bought steaks for me, my dad and her to enjoy together. I've said I'm "not hungry" and my dad has said I'm being petulant. So I have agreed but will eat my dinner and then flee to my room.
Blughhhh I hate this. I don't want her in my house.
First off I'm sorry about your mum, but well done for moving on and for acting selflessly in encouraging your dad to enjoy himself
I think you need to speak to your dad. Yes he's happy and you don't want to spoil that, but I'm sure he wants you to be happy too. You don't need to ask him to chose between you and his g/f, you just need to be honest with him so he knows how you feel, in the hope that the things that are being done/said that you don't like, don't continue. You should not carry on suffering as it will eventually come out about how you feel and then your dad will be upset that you've have been feeling like this and not said anything. You were open with him about seeing other women so you must be able to sit and chat openly with your dad, and he knows that you have his best interests at heart but you have feelings too!
i guess you could also try and have a word with his girlfriend and say you want to get on better for everyones sake - maybe try spending some time with her on her own and see if that helps? i'd imagine she finds it hard too and possible jealous of yours and your dads relationship.